Teen Suicide - This page is especially for teens
I know why people kill themselves. I can understand why people give up. S. Hein

Introduction

I have helped a lot of suicidal teens over the past 15 years. I believe I understand why they often want to die to stop their pain.

I feel suicidal myself sometimes. At times I feel discouraged, alone, misunderstood, controlled, judged, rejected, abandoned, disapproved of, frustrated, hopeless, powerless. All of this hurts and sometimes I just want to stop the pain and can't think of any way to do it except suicide.

When I am depressed and need someone to talk to, I consistently find that it helps the most to talk to depressed teens. I feel understood by them and I don't feel judged. (Not often anyhow.)

I believe they also feel understood by me. At least they tell me they do. So I have been building these pages to help as many teens as possible.

Be sure to read this page on our chat group for teens who self-harm.

Steve

Suggestions if You're Feeling Suicidal

moved here --

Teens, Drugs, Psychologists, Counselors and Psychiatrists

Drugs do not fill a teen's unmet emotional needs. Drugs do not help a teen feel understood or cared about. Drugs do not take the place of hugs or respect.

Drugs do not make the parents better listeners.

I have talked to many teens who have been put on drugs. The consensus is that they do not help. (See box below for convo with Sarah)

Teens don't have "disorders" or emotional "diseases". If anything they only have what I call "EIPD" - Emotionally Incompetent Parent Disorder

Here is a comment about another of Sarah's counselors:

Here are comments by Emily in the USA, Emily was 14 as of March 2004.

Emily also told me about an article in the NY Times, from which I got this quote:

EQI.org Home Page

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Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross - 11 Year Old Suicide

Other EQI.org Topics:

Emotional Intelligence | Empathy
Emotional Abuse | Understanding
Emotional Literacy | Feeling Words
Respect | Parenting | Caring
Listening | Invalidation | Hugs
Depression |Education
Personal Growth

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"Suicide is a permanent answer to a temporary problem."

First of all depending on the case it may not be temporary. Second the reason a lot of people (like me) are suicidal in the first place, is that we would like there to be a permanent answer. When all we have is temporary answers to the very permanent problem of misery.

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Well surprisingly nobody has a real answer yet. The best I can answer my own question is this: I need some type of permanent answer that would make life worth living even if it is miserable. However I don't have one.. and much like all the other problems I have in life I try and try and nothing happens. No matter what kind of philosophy I try to believe in, or what I do, there's always a wall between me and what I need.

Here are the answers. I don't agree with the choice for the best answer, but then again only two people picked it!

I would also tell the person who asked the question that I'm sorry they didn't get any better answers, and I'm sorry that people have told them unhelpful things like that. I'd also say that it is step in the right direction to at least know that he or she isn't getting what they need. If you can identify what you need, you can at least start to look for it. Maybe it will take years, maybe you will never find it exactly, but along the way you can help others by documenting and writing about your "journey" as they say. I admire people who question things and don't accept these kind of cliche response like "Suicide is a ..." Good luck to whoever reads this. Please take care, and hang in there. I believe our society doesn't value people like you, but I do and I believe we need each person who has ever felt suicidal. If each sensitive person kills themselves, who will be there to support and understand the next sensitive child or teenager?

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Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

Because anyone who gives that answer probably isn't suicidal and there for doesn't understand enough to even answer it.

Some of the answers here are right...Life can be a "horror"..and people do horrible things.
But just take an honest look at this for a second... do you honestly think that horrible things only happen to people that are suicidal? ....of course not. Every single person has horrible things happen to them but it how you deal with the problems that separate suicidals from everyone else.

It's a problem within your self and does not have anything to do with outside influences.

Jimmy finds out that his girlfriend is cheating on him...he has no friends...his parents don't understand and he becomes suicidal. Well lets compare something like that to my life for a second... my wife has been battling cancer for years....begging God and whoever will listen to save her while I watch her fade away terrified of dying...losing all hope of our plans to have a family...have children...everything...just gone with no hope to save her.

In all honesty the reason people give these short answers that don't make you feel better is because they don't care... because everyone suffers in one way or another and chances are someone is suffering a 1000 times more than you and dealing with horrors you can't even imagine.

It can be frustrating for someone like me to see people talk like this...wanting to kill themselves when others would give anything to live. Like life is a gift and it's being wasted on you because you are so self involved letting life turn you into a victim thinking that you are the only one in the world that hurts...I guarantee that you're not....just part of the few that can't deal with the pain.

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There are some thing in life you will never be able to escape, misery and sadness are some of them. The difference between negative emotions and positive ones though, are that the positive ones are only there in positive situations, while negative ones are there at all times. When it comes to something you are will to kill yourself over however (family issues, depression, loneliness, etc.) there usually is a way to solve it without committing suicide, so yes, some of these permanent problems can become temporary by simply attempting them to solve them in a positive manner.

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point of view. Change your view, look at things from different angles, seek more creative solutions, because they are out there, there's ALWAYS a way around the roadblocks that frustrate you.

Yes life is an ongoing struggle, yes there's a lot of misery. But, there's a few good things here and there. And, besides, your ride is short enough, no need to make it shorter. Fact is, you'll probably die just when you don't want to (God is like that, the bastod :P)

The best part of life is learning, and learning to share what we've learned :)

And please don't assume my life is so great, I've been through more kinds of hell than you can imagine (obviously not very imaginative if the best solution is suicide!!)

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dunno, but suicide isnt always the answerrrrr. You know that dude who wrote Jesse's girl. (its a song if you didn't know) he was actually on the rope hanging himself and it just happened to break and he lived. He went on to live a very successful life. If the rope didn't break we wouldn't have had such a good song lol. Moral of the story, Things can change..... try to hang on.

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Because they don't understand the true horror of a life that would lead to suicidal tendencies.

Notes

1. In my own life I remember telling more than one girlfriend that she should leave me and find someone better. In other words I felt unworthy of her love. Once I was afraid to leave a very unhealthy relationship because I didn't think I could ever find anyone better -- another sign of low self-worth. And I have certainly ongoing relationship problems. This is one reason I am so committed to helping adolescents -- I don't want them to have the emotional pain, the broken relationships and the divorces which I have had. -- S. Hein

Nicky Cruz Citation - Lonely but never alone, p. 31

sites to review- critique

http://www.nami.org/Content/ContentGroups/Helpline1/Suicide_in_Youth.htm

About me

I was born in Indiana, in the USA and have lived in Canada, Australia, South America and Europe. I've also visited Asia, South Africa,Morocco, Sri Lanka, New Zealand and a few other places. About 60 countries in all. I went to college, then worked for two years in a management training program in a dirty factory in a depressing city called Toledo, Ohio. Then I went to graduate school and got my MBA in one of the most materialistic places on earth. Texas. I lived in Austin for three years, then Dallas - which is even more materialistic. Austin used to be okay but it is getting worse fast. Everyone drives a Mercedes, BMW or Porsche it seems like now.

Anyhow, I got interested in helping suicidal teens when I first started chatting, back around 5 years ago. I met someone online who was cutting. She taught me a lot about cutting and why she and others did it.

From talking to a lot of teens when they are depressed and also when I am depressed, I have found that they are extremely caring and understanding people. So what I have learned about teen suicide is mostly from talking to teens online and in person. That is why chances are good that you will find the info on this site makes more sense than telling you that you have some "disorder" or "disease". I don't believe that. I think if you have a disorder it is what I call "EIPD" - or Emotionally Incompetent Parent Disorder!

I want to show people that suicidal teens are suicidal because of how they are treated at home and at school. (See this article by a university professor).

I want to help destroy the myth that it is a "chemical imbalance" and that teens have all these so called "disorders" like bi-polar and social anxiety. If they are afraid of people, it is because the people are frightening and controlling, not because there was something chemically or biologically wrong with them as children.

I think the best help is for you to all help each other. Unfortunately again, most adults just seem to make it worse.

If you like this site, and it is helpful and you feel a bit more understood, please let me know. And tell others because I want people to hear what I have to say about it.

Thanks.

Steve