Teen Suicide - This page is especially for teens
I know why people kill themselves. I can understand why people give up. S. Hein

Introduction

I have had a lot of suicidal teen friends over the last few years. I think I understand why teens often want to die to stop their pain. I feel suicidal myself sometimes. At times I feel discouraged, alone, misunderstood, controlled, judged, rejected, abandoned, disapproved of, frustrated, hopeless, powerless. All of this hurts and sometimes I just want to stop the pain and can't think of any way to do it except suicide.

Some of my best friends have been suicidal teens. I feel understood by them and I don't feel judged. (Not often anyhow.) And I feel emotionally supported by them when I feel upset or depressed myself.

I am re-doing this site but here are some bits and pieces...

Be sure to read this page on our chat group for teens who self-harm.

Steve

Suggestions if your feeling suicidal

I'd say try some of these.

- There are always the suicide prevention and crisis phone lines which a lot of countries have. It usually helps just to talk to someone and usually these people are pretty good listeners. They won't ask you for your name or anything. If they ask you something you don't want to tell them you can always just hang up.

- Write to me

- Write somewhere else. Writing has often helped me. But sometimes I just can't write.

- Sleep.

- Cry.

- Punch something. I have used empty cereal boxes or other cardboard boxes.

- Tell yourself. "You're okay. You're okay" a lot of times.

- Try taking really deep breaths

- Go outside if you can. Walk around. Try to get someplace alone where you feel safe to cry or swear or whatever you need to do.

- Surf the net. Read stories about suicidal teens. Look at porn or have cyber sex! lol Even that is better than killing yourself

- Go to www.teenopendiary.com and read other teens diaries. Find the diary "circles" and read the entries from the depression circle. You will feel less alone. My friend and I have a diary called Teens Helping Teens there.

- Start your own diary. Leave notes for people. If you leave lots of notes you will get notes back. And that always feels nice. Except when assholes leave offensive notes, but you can just delete them. Or leave mean notes back if you want, though I don't recommend you waste your time with that. On the other hands its still better than killing yourself!

- Try to think of one thing you think you are good at, or could be good for on the earth. If you can't its okay. But if you can it might help you feel a tiny bit better.

- Draw. Paint.

- Write on yourself. Write "I love you" on yourself even if you don't feel loving towards yourself. Think about how nice it would be to truly feel loved by someone.

- Take my "mom" test

- Make your own "mom" or "dad" test

- Take some other online tests just to kill time. Usually suicidal feelings pass with time.

- Write a letter you'd really like to give to your mother or father or someone and send it to me instead if you are afraid to give it to them.

- Play the feelings game on this site http://www.dotolearn.com/games/feelingsgame/

- Read the pictures from Japan about how they mess up English. Some will probably make you laugh and laughing is healthy.

If you have other suggestions, please send them to me.

Steve

Teens, Drugs, Psychologists, Counselors and Psychiatrists

Drugs do not fill a teen's unmet emotional needs. Drugs do not help a teen feel understood or cared about. Drugs do not take the place of hugs or respect.

Drugs do not make the parents better listeners.

I have talked to many teens who have been put on drugs. The consensus is that they do not help. Here is one comment from Sarah in the USA.

Teens don't have "disorders" or emotional "diseases". If anything they only have what I call "EIPD" - Emotionally Incompetent Parent Disorder

Here is a comment about another of Sarah's counselors:

Here is another comment from Emily in the USA, when I showed her my page on cutting. Emily is 14 as of March/2004.

Here are more comments from Emily:

Emily also told me about an article in the NY Times, from which I got this quote:

Notes

1. In my own life I remember telling more than one girlfriend that she should leave me and find someone better. In other words I felt unworthy of her love. Once I was afraid to leave a very unhealthy relationship because I didn't think I could ever find anyone better -- another sign of low self-worth. And I have certainly ongoing relationship problems. This is one reason I am so committed to helping adolescents -- I don't want them to have the emotional pain, the broken relationships and the divorces which I have had. -- S. Hein

Nicky Cruz Citation - Lonely but never alone, p. 31

sites to review- critique

http://www.nami.org/Content/ContentGroups/Helpline1/Suicide_in_Youth.htm

About me

I was born in Indiana, in the USA and have lived in Canada, Australia and South America. I've also visited Asia, South Africa, most of Europe, and a few other places. About 38 countries in all. I went to college, then worked for two years in a management training program in a dirty factory in a depressing city called Toledo, Ohio. Then I went to graduate school and got my MBA in one of the most materialistic places on earth. Texas. I lived in Austin for three years, then Dallas - which is even more materialistic. Austin used to be okay but it is getting worse fast. Everyone drives a Mercedes, BMW or Porsche it seems like now.

Anyhow, I got interested in helping suicidal teens when I first started chatting, back around 5 years ago. I met a girl named Sarah who said she was 14. She told me she was cutting and she taught me what that was and told me about why she did it. When I first started talking to her I thought "This girl is really smart for 14." But later I found out she wasn't 14. She was 11 when we met. She is now 16 and we are still talking. She's been locked up in the mental hospital more than once. I know this part is true because I've talked to her father and one of her basically useless school counselors.

Anyhow, she was one of the best listeners I've ever met. And one of the most emotionally supportive people. We called each other best friends for a long time. Adults can't usually understand this, so that is one more reason I don't like to tell them things. They say Sarah was just a kid and blah blah blah. But I've met enough teens who were smarter and more mature than their parents to not judge a person by their age. I don't like how Sarah was treated and I don't like how I was judged by people for talking to her. She is still alive but I know how close she was to killing herself. She is part of my inspiration for the work I do.

More inspiration comes from feeling robbed of friends, though, and people who once wanted to help me with my work. For example, Steff and Nicole I really resent what has happened to these people. We were once such good friends. In Steff's case, her parents convinced her I had some kind of evil intentions and I was trying to break up their family. In Nicole's case she was locked up in a mental hospital when she was 18. I don't know what exactly happened after that, but I've never seen her again (we had met just one time in real life and had the best day together.)

Right now I am talking a lot to another teen who is just 14. She also is very emotionally supportive. This is important to me because I am very sensitive and very emotional. I get depressed easily and teens have always been more helpful than adults. Unfortunately, schools don't place any importance on teens being good listeners or being emotionally supportive, though. So over time most teens stop being very emotionally supportive. They start taking on the values of the school and their parents and their society. Usually this means grades, sports, looks, getting into college/university and then getting a boring job in an office and being called "successful" because you did what everyone expected and wanted and pressured you to do.

So anyhow, what I have learned about teen suicide is mostly from talking to teens online and in person. I think you will find it makes more sense than telling you that you have some "disorder" or "disease". I don't believe that. I think if you have a disorder it is what I call "EIPD" - or Emotionally Incompetent Parent Disorder!

I want to show people that suicidal teens are suicidal because of how they are treated at home and at school. I want to destroy the myth that it is a "chemical imbalance" and that they have all these so called "disorders" like bi-polar and social anxiety.

I'm looking for volunteers to help me with online counseling for other teens. I think the best help is for you to all help each other. Unfortunately again, most adults just seem to make it worse.

If you like this site, and it is helpful and you feel a bit more understood, please let me know. And tell others because I would like this site to be the number one site on teen suicide. I want people to hear what I have to say about it. And please also read the stuff I wrote for parents and tell me what you think of it. I think its better than most of the crap I have found on the net for parents, but I'd like to hear what you think.

Thanks.

Steve

Me in Australia 2 years ago