Stella -- Stella was 16 when I met her. She had tried to kill herself in the past year. She is a friend of Nana
Stella's answers to the mom test
----
i don't think i am a very smart, and interesting person but i
am a sensitive person(in negative way.. he2)
--
i do believe in God becoz i'm a christian but i often
disappointed on God... well that made me wanted to kill my self
but i know what i did was wrong and i regret it but sometimes
when i feel disappointed or depressed i often have a plan to do a
suicide again but i know i that's stupid. actually, the main
reason why i tried to kill my self was becoz i broke up with my
boyfriend, i love him so much and until now i still feel the same
way about him even he doesn't ever think about me anymore.
i often have a fight with my parents, last sunday we fought... u
know i often lose my control and i get mad and angry easily so
usually if i mad or angry i'll yell at them and they will get
angry too. i try to change this bad habit but it's so difficult
for me, this is why my ex-boyfriend broke me up becoz i often get
mad and angry easily and then i'll yell at everyone who's near
me. so.... becareful at me... he2.. jk
my parents don't allow me to date until i graduate my high school years, that sucks!!!! so i did a backstreet relationship with my ex, and he decided to split up becoz of this reason too .... he couldn't stand it anymore.... always hide from my parents.
--
the last time my mom slapped me was becoz she ask me
"this week u have some
tests? what r the subjects?" and i answer her in harsh
manner "i dont
know!! the secretary in my class didn't tell us!!" and then
she became
really angry coz i was so unrespect to her... she was mad and i
went to d
bathroom and cried, she pushed me to open the door, i locked d
door ... i
just needed a moment to be alone but she didn't care, she said
things that
really hurt me, so.. i took the gillette in my bathroom and i
tried to kill
myself, she tried to find the key of d bathroom n then she opened
the door
and she saw the gillette and she became more angry to me and
pulled my hair
and slapped me, she said things that i really dont want to hear
that moment
so i went out from d bathroom and she pulled me to listen what
she wanted
to say but i didn't care i really didn't want to talk about it
and i really
didn't want to see her around me but she didn't understand. i
cried and
cried and cried so she was tired and left me alone in my room, i
cried all
day long... but the next day she became normal again.
y'know sometimes parents are like jerks but sometimes they're
the most wonderful persons in the whole world. becoz i'm a
christian.. i think we have to forgive everybody that hurt us and
pray to GOD to make them realize that they're wrong and not do
the same mistake again, i know i seem very religious but i think
we shouldn't only count other people's sins, we should count the
good things they ever gave to us.... someone told me if we want
to judge someone or something we have to look the totality of
them... not only the negative but include the positive things.
Nov 4, 2003
--
when i sms u in sarcastic way about emmi, y'know... i just
dont like if guys talk to me and then they're like always praise
a girl that they like, i'm so sensitive, so i'll think that i'm
not so interesting like that girl, and i feel so unconfident bout
myself. i don't like to listen to guys talking bout their
favourite girl, why dont they talk to me and tell me that they
like a girl like me!!! i dont know is it a jealous feeling or not
but i think i'm a lil jealous with emmi... becoz she really has
ur attention, she's like a goddess for u but i think i'm more
educated, smart, intelligent and i'm kind too but i dont
understand why u're crazy bout her.
y'know... i always jealous, if my friend has a new friend and
then she's like more into her new friend, i'll get upset n
jealous, and if my boyfriend jus talk to another girl i'll get
upset n didn't want to talk to him for a while. y'know... i
always jealous. but i'm confused, i'm a lil jealous of emmi but i
don't have any feelings about u. you're like a big brother to me.
i dont understand, i can't be in love again since joseph left me,
i always still love him, n i still wait 4 him to come back to me
and love me again like the way he did. i miss him so much....
i hope u understand....
if there are some words that hurt ur feelings ... i didn't mean
that. please forgive me.
ok my brother's become anooying now.
bye steve... reply me soon!
bye.. GBU!
--
Steve,
I'm sorry I disappeared for a few days coz I went to Bali!
I stay 2 nights in Santika hotel in Kuta n 2 nights in Hard Rock
Hotel, I didn't really comfortable in there.... too noisy and
it's not a good place to take a rest. I had a good time there but
the last day my mom had a bad day so she yelled at me and my
brother, if she didn't yell.. that would be a nice holiday :(((((
So.... how's life there ?
.s.t.e.l.l.a.
(dec 31, 2003)
Stella's answers to the mom test
1. Does your mother tend to be unforgiving? Does she say
things like "I will never be able to forgive you for
that." or "If you do so and so I would never be able to
forgive you."
-no
2. Does she make unforgiving comments about other people by
saying things like "What he did was unforgivable."
-no
3. Is it hard or impossible for your mother to admit mistakes?,
- possible
4. Does your mother always have to have the last word?
- ??
5. Is it important for her that she always appears to be right
and to win all the arguments arguements?
- not really
6. Does your mother make you feel responsible for her feelings
(for her happiness or unhappiness or hurt or disappointments)?
- nope
7. Does your mother tell you she is disappointed in you?
- when we had a fight
8. Does your mother ever tell you that you don't deserve things?
For example, "You don't deserve all the things your father
and I do for you."
- no
9. Does she try to get you to question your own intelligence by
saying things like "You think you are so smart. But you
are not." or "You are not smart as you like to think
you are." Or "If you are so smart, how can you do
something so
stupid.?" or "Why didn't you think of that?"
- seldom
10. Does your mother say things like "You could do
better" in a disapproving way?
-sometimes
11. When you say something which is too close to the truth or
when you point out how she is acting hypocriticaly does she feel
threatened and say things like: "Don't get smart with
me" or "That's absurd" or "You have no idea
what you are talking about" or "What gives you the
right to say that?" or "How dare you say that?"
- seldom
12. Does your mother threaten you with statements like "If
you ever do that again..." or "The next time I catch
you..." Or "This is the last time..."
- yes
13. Does your mother punish you with grounding, taking away the
phone, tv, computer etc.?
- sometimes
14. Does your mother threaten you with total rejection by saying
things like: "Get out of the house and never come
back." or "I don't want to ever talk to you
again." or "If you leave, don't plan on coming
back."
- nope
15. Has she ever locked you out of the house?
-nope
16. Does she make you believe you are a bad daughter or son by
saying things like "What did I do to deserve you?" or
"All the other parents have children who listen to them and
respect them, but I got stuck with you." or "Why can't
you be like so and so? She never talks back to her mother."
or "Why can't you be more like your brother/sister?"
- nope
17. Do you ever feel hated by her?
-nope
18. Does your mother tell you what you "should" do a
lot?
- yes
19. Has your mother ever hit you on the arms, back, shoulders or
head?
- yes
20. Has she ever pulled you by the hair?
- yes
21. Has she ever try to physically stop you from getting out of
the house?
- yes
22. Has she ever pulled the phone line out when you were talking
on it? (Or taken it out of your hands and hung up?)
nope
23. Has she ever disconnected the computer while you were on it?
nope
24. Has your mother ever slapped you in the face?
yes
25. Has she slapped you in the past 6 months?
yes
26 Has she slapped you in the past 30 days?
yes
27. Does she say things like "Oh great. This is all I
need" or "This is just what I need right now" in a
sarcastic way?
- yes
28. Does she say things like "I can't believe you would do
something like that!" or 'I can't believe you would think
that!" or "How could you say a thing like that?"
yes
29. Do you find yourself apologzing a lot to your mother?
she's the one who forced me to apologize
30. Does your mother make exaggerated threats like "If you
don't do so and so, you are going to be grounded for the rest of
your life."
nope
31. Does she make vague threats like "Either do it or
else" or "There is going to be big trouble around
here..."
???
32. Has she ever said "I didn't ask you what you
wanted!"
- nope
33. Does she ever say things like, "When you are living in
my house you will follow my rules."
- often
34. Does she ever say "Don't you dare...."
yes
35. Does she say things like "Don't talk to me like
that." or "That is no way you talk to your
mother!" or "Don't ever let me hear you say that
again."
yes
36. Does she say things like "Don't be so
disrespectful."
yes
37. Does she say things like "Don't be so rude."
yes
38. Does she say things like "Don't be so selfish."
yes
39. Does she say things like "Don't be so
inconsiderate."
yes
40. When you ask her for explanations does she say things like:
"Because it isn't normal." or "Because it is not
the done thing." Or "Because you just don't do
that." or "Because it is sick." or "Because
it is strange"
no
41. When you ask her for explanations does she say things like:
"Because it is wrong." or "Because it is a
sin."
no
42. When you ask her for explanations does she say things like:
"Because I said so." or "Because I know more than
you." or "When you are older you will understand."
no
43. Does she say things like, "I don't want to hear anymore
about it."
- not really
44. Does she say things like, "Don't get fresh with me young
lady!"
no
45. Does your mother get hurt easily?
sometimes
46. Does your mother get defensive easily?
yes
47. Do you ever say things like "My mother would kill me
if..."
yes
48. Do you ever tell yourself or others that you can't do things
because it would hurt your mother too much?
yes
49. Does she say things like: "You can keep your comments to
yourself" or "I don't want to hear any of your
excuses." or "Save it. I am not interested." or
"I don't remembering asking for your opinion." or
"I don't need your smart mouth." or "I don't need
any back talk from you." or "Who asked you?" or
"Did I ask you what you wanted?"
- sometimes
50. Does she say things like, "Don't walk away from me when
I am talking to you."?
yes
51. Does she say things like, "Look at me when I am talking
to you."
yes
52. Does your mother interrupt you when you are talking?
sometimes
53. If someone asks you a question, does your mother sometimes
answer it before you have a chance to?
nope
54. If someone asks you a question when your mother is with you,
do you sometimes look over to her before you answer it?
yes
55. If someone asks you a question when your mother is with you,
are you sometimes afraid to give the true answer?
yes
56. Would you lie about being hurt or abused by someone, such as
a father or step-father, to avoid hurting your mother or to keep
the family together?
yes
57. DSSTL "Well, I told you that was a bad idea, didn't
I?" or "I warned you that would happen, but you didn't
listen, did you?"
yes
58. Does she ask questions that include the answer, such as
"That wasn't very polite of you, was it?" or "You
left the milk out again, didn't you?"
???
59. DSSTL "Who do you think you are talking to me like
that?"
nope
60. DSSTL "I am the one who is supposed to be asking the
questions."
nope
61. DSSSTL "You look like a tramp." or "You look
like a slut."
nope
62. Does she try to control what you wear by saying things like
"You're not going out dressed like that I hope." or
"Don't wear those shoes with that outfit. They don't
match." or "Why don't you wear your red dress to the
party?"
she likes the way i dress
63. Does she buy you things you don't really want and then feel
hurt if you try to tell her they are not what you wanted?
nope, she buys me things if i'm with her
64. Does she tell you how to do your hair?
nope
65. Does she start brushing your hair or changing it without
asking you in a way that you would prefer she didn't?
nope
66. Does she argue with you about your clothes or hair?
nope, it's all up to me as long as it's not crazy
67. Do you often feel interrogated with a lot of questions like
"Why is this towel here?" "Why are your shoes in
the middle of the floor?" "Why did you take that glass
instead of a smaller one?" "Why can't you go to her
house later?"
yes
68. Does she want to know who you are talking to on the telephone
or chatting with on the Internet?
always
69. Does she pry in to your private life?
yes
70. Has she ever read your diary without your permission?
yes
71. Does she come into your room without knocking or waiting for
you to answer?
yes
72. Does she taunt you by saying things like: "If I am such
a bad mother why don't you just go live somewhere else."
sometimes
73. Does she intimidate you with statements like, "You are
going to kill your father if you keep that up." or "You
are going to break my heart if you do so and so." or
"You are going to be the death of me."
yes
74. Does she imply that you are a bad influence on younger
brothers or sisters?
nope
75. Does she just expect you to do things around the house
without thanking you?
she always says thank u
76. Does she say things like "What did I just tell
you?" or "Were you listening to anything I just
said?" "How many times do I have to tell you?"
yes
77. Does she ask you questions about herself which are designed
to make you feel guitly such as "Why do you hate me?"
"Why do you think I am such a horrible mother?"
yes
78. Does your mother often give you the "silent
treatement" to show her disapproval, as a form of control,
or to induce guilty feelings?
nope
79. Does your mother want you to act happy even when you are not?
yes
80. Does your mother lie to you or to others?
yes
81. Does your mother deny things which you know for a fact are
true?
no
82. Does your mother take things personally when they were not
meant to be about her?
no
83. DSSTL "I know you better than you know yourself"?
no
84. Does she often begin sentences with, "I need you
to..."?
no
85. Does she often begin sentences with, "You need
to..."?
yes
86. Does she often begin sentences with, "You have
to..."?
yes
87. Does she say things like "Don't be so paranoid?"
no
88. DSSTL "You are too sensitive."?
yes
89. DSSTL "Don't be so dramatic."?
nope
90. DSSTL, "Don't think so much."
yes
91. DSSTL, "Why don't you ever smile?"
often
92. DSSTL "Smile," "Cheer up."?
yes
93. DSSTL, "Go to your room until you can pull yourself
together?"
???
94. DSSTL, "Go to your room until I tell you to come
out?"
nope
95. DSSTL "With everything I do for you, the least you can
do is..."?
nope
96. DSSTL "What's the problem? Why are you crying?"
nope
97. DSSTL "What's wrong with you?" ... in a judgmental
or disapproving tone?
nope
98. DSSTL "You are a disgrace to the family"?
nope
99. DSSTL "If you want to be treated like an adult, you will
have to act like one"?
nope
101. Has your mother ever thrown things at you?
yes
102. Does she tell you not to tell people about problems in the
family?
yes
103. Has she ever gotten angry at you for telling someone
something about the family?
yes
104. Has she ever gotten angry at you for telling someone you are
depressed?
yes
105. Has she ever told you to stop crying?
yes
106. Does she often tell you to stop complaining?
yes
107. Does she often complain about how your room looks?
yes
108. Are there a lot of things you are afraid to tell her?
many
109. Does your mother frequently remind you how old you are?
nope
109. Does she tell you that you can't do a lot of things you want
to do because you are too young or too immature?
yes
110. Does she blame you for not being able to do the things she
wanted to with her life?
sometimes
111. Does she blame you for things which were not your fault,
such as "You are the reason your father left." or
"You are the reason your father started drinking
again."
nope
112. Have you ever seen your mother drunk?
nope
113. Have you seen your mother drunk in the last 2 weeks?
nope