Steve Hein's EQI.org
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May 26 - Update to Empathy
|Nov 23 - started some j writing - see nov 23
Nov 22 2015
Last update to journal about 12 pm...
Originally posted around 10 AM-
ta (thinking about) Priscilla, Radovan, Tim, CJ, B, guy I talked to yesterday (ayer)
Feel love for Priscilla, B, even a little for Angela - who needs love or more specifically all of its ingredients... read more
"I measured love by how much pain someone would take from me"
This just made me cry...
It is around the 4 minute mark of this movie
I am also working more on the Ophelia. page
Also, I am getting more worried about money these days. My new gf is very expensive haha and she doesn't have rich parents like Priscilla had who send her money haha.
|Nov 20 2015 If you read this note,
please send me a word of encouragement/support. I have
been in a lot of pain, depressed and lacking motivation
to work on the site. Thank you. Steve
And thank you to CJ who chatted with me last night. It helped a lot to talk to you.
Also, here are some notes from the book Reviving Ophelia.
|Nov 18 2015 It is hard to keep trying
when the person who knew you the best decides your life
I met someone else but she is not here now. I am alone. We hardly talk. She is a thousand miles away. I need someone here, next to me. Holding me.
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|If you have been visiting the site regularly you saw my I miss Priscilla page instead of this home page. Today I thought of changing it to "I miss my Brazilian gf". But I will see her tonight, so for now I will just leave this page as it is. Steve Nov 1, 2015|
|Nov 7 - I am feeling more inspired to write again A lot is going on. I am going to start posting more pictures. Here are two from Brazil. I am sitting in the hallway where I can work and eat while my new partner sleeps. We already had a very good talk this morning. About caring and controlling mothers, for example. She realizes now her mother was much more controlling than caring. I feel good I have hellped one more person become more aware. It looks like I am also going to save her from the black hole - the university. She is 22and was studying in what supposedly is the best university in Brazil or even South America according to some. But she was very depressed, confused, lost. She told me she felt suffocated. Now she says she is very happy. She is almost a 180 change from Priscilla. Priscilla was almost always feeling pesimistic. Bea is almost always feeling optimistic. Priscilla wanted to become transgender and become a male. I laugh now. I still love Priscilla but I don't need her so much now. Now I have a 'replacement'. I felt replaced when P left me and replaced me with Angela. But anyhow, ya paso as they say in South America. It already passed. That is the kind of attitued B has. She says But it was yesterday. She doesnt place much value on talking about the past, and I do, so this has been a conflict. But for today at least I am feeling optimisitc. I feel valued by B. And very important to her. The other night I felt cared about when I was feeling terrified, paralyzed, petrified. I could not speak. I layed down in the floor and curled up and cried. Eventually she did what I needed. Something P was always too afraid to do. She came over to me. She touched me. She stayed with me. She said many things to try to comfort me. She called me her prince and other sweet things. She is very feminine. Sometimes too miuch haha. Like when she spends 1 hour in the bathroom and it is already past checkout time in the hotel. haha. Like yesterday. But we had a very relaxed person working in that hotel and she didn't mind at all that we checked out 2.5 hours late! Now it is about 11 AM btw. I have so much to write about I can't say it all... But anyhow that is a little update. Thanks for reading. Oh, I told B that I am really fucked up and I needed her to help me and she said she is also fucked upand needs me. The other day she was the one who was crying and I just sat there with her and put my hand on her shoulder. P almost never cried. I feel a little bad comparing them but... it is something I need to do I guess. There have been times when I wished B could talk about her feelings like P could, but overall this is going pretty well. We have known each other 2 weeks and 2 days now haha. I will keep you posted. My life has suddenly changed in a big way. There will be lots to write about. If you feel depressed, keep thinking about what you need and keep trying to find it. Maybe you will.|