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Emotionally Abusive Fathers

The EQI .org site has collected stories and information on emotionally abusive mothers for years. Mothers seem to be the most skilled at emotional abuse and seem to do the most damage by their words and actions. But fathers, of course, can also be emotionally abusive, so on this page we will be collecting and posting things about fathers.

Signs of Emotionally Abusive Fathers

Father in USA Shoots Teen Daughter's Laptop

Video of American Judge and His Wife Beating Teen Daughter with Belt

Cambodian Father Chains Son to Tree as Punishment for Not Going to School

Letter From Teen

German Father Castrates Teen Daughter's Boyfriend

Letter about Emotionally Abusive Father

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Father Shoots Teen Daughter's Laptp with a Gun

Here is a link to a video of a father shooting and destroying his daughter's laptop.


This can be added to the list of things a parent can legally do to hurt a teen....

I feel too sad and discouraged by this video to say much more now, but I will say that my partner watched it about two months ago and it has been bothering her ever since. I didn't really want to watch it because I knew it would depress me, but today I did when we were talking about it.

My partner wanted to make a list of all the ways this person is emotionally abusive, but she has trouble with her hands now and can't type so for now I have just posted the video link here for her so our readers will be aware of it if they aren't already.

S. Hein
Feb 17, 2013
La Paz, Uruguay

More thoughts... Feb 18, 2013

- It would be helpful to ask the daugher how much she felt understood by her father, from 0-10.

- And it would be helpful to ask the father how much he wants his daughter to feel understood by him.

- And helpful to teach him some basics on listening and invalidation.

It would also be helpful to...

- Ask the daughter how much she feels respected by her father, from 0-10, and why.

- Ask the father what shooting her laptop is teaching her about respecting another person.


It would be very interesting to ask people who are not from the USA what they think this video says about the American culture in particular, and about society in general. If you would like to comment, please write us.

Cambodian dad chains son to tree as punishment for skipping school

Cambodian dad chains son to tree as punishment for skipping school

Published March 30, 2012

Sok Thoeun, 40, reportedly chained his 13-year-old son to a tree as punishment for skipping school to play online games.

A father in Cambodia reportedly chained his teenage son to a tree to punish him for skipping school to go to play online games, police said Thursday.

The 13-year-old was chained to a tree by his neck for nearly two hours before neighbors called the police and a locksmith came to free him, AFP reports.

"The father was so angry that he found his son at an Internet cafe instead of at school that he chained him up in public for people to see, to teach him a lesson," Battambang deputy police chief Cheth Vanny told AFP.

The boy's father, Sok Thoeun, reportedly fled the scene after the incident. He is now wanted on child abuse charges.

"He is still on the run," an official told AFP. "This kind of torture is not acceptable."






It is all your fault. I'm very disappointed in you.

This is from a teen's journal entry

Today was crappy because I practically bawled my eyes out for the first time in years. my dad called me while was at my friends house who I haven’t seen in like a year and told me that I was too irresponsible to go because I forgot something at my house…

He kept screaming at me because he was now going to be late for a trip he had, saying “Its all your fault” “You’re causing such a problem for everyone now” and “I’m going to pick you up from her house and you’re not allowed to go skiing with them. When get there, you better be standing outside without your coat, freezing your ass off. That will teach you a lesson”

I was crying on the phone, and just kept saying “please” “no!” and “I’m sorry” but he just hung up while I was crying. My friends dad saw me crying and called my dad back and convinced him to let me stay, which was good, but when he handed the phone back to me my dad jusat kept screaming at me and said “I’m very disappointed in you”

I got to go, and I’m at their ski house now, but I was crying most of the car ride up.

My dad was right though, it was all my fault. brought it on myself. I am such a useless idiot. I’m so stupid… I’m so sorry that no matter what do, just won’t ever be good enough…

One lesson which could be learned from this is that her father is emotionally abusive and does not deserve to have legal power over her. He is destroying an intelligent, sensitive person of her self-confidence and self-esteem - a crime to humanity much worse than robbing a bank. It could be called soul murder. Yet few people in society will see it that way or help this teen in the way she most needs it.
Helmut Seifert - Germany

Today I learned of this story of another emotionally abusive father: Helmut Seifert of Germany. It was reported that his 17 year old daughter was dating a man that the father believed was too old for her. He complained to the police but since the legal "age of consent" is 16 in Germany, the police told the father it was the daughter's legal right to date whoever she chose to.

This fact, however, did not matter to the father. Nor did his daugher's feelings matter. Seifert, with the help of two other men, located the daughter's boyfriend and castrated him with a knife.

One thing which bothers me about this story is that as far as I could tell the journalists who wrote the story did not interview the teen to find out how she felt. This seems to be farily typical around the world -- a teenager's feelings simply do not matter very much to parents, police, judges, journalists, school administers or society in general.

With a father who would do someting like that, it is no wonder to me that a teen girl would want to date an older man who offered her more emotional and physical security than her father. Would anyone be suprised if we were to learn that the father had systematically been verbally and emotionally abusive to his daughter, if not physically abusive?

Surely there were signs of such abuse long before the father finally brought attention to himself. Where were the girl's teachers, for example? Where was her school psychologist?

A person who is capable of such blatant disregard and disrespect for his own daughter's feelings and choices did not earn and did not deserve the legal right to the claim of "father." Had his legal rights as father been taken from him, or had he received counseling, this extreme act of violence could have been prevented. And a relationship between a father and daughter might have been saved.

Could anyone blame the daughter if she never spoke to the man called her father again?

Useless, Waste of Space - Letter about emotionally abusive father


This is a letter we received from a girl in the UK



Subject: Help


My name is Hannah and I have no idea if I should be writing to you but I have nowhere else to turn.

So, I think that my dad has been emotionally abusing me for years. But I’m not sure if I’m right, and if I am I have no idea what to do about it.

My dad is 70 and he does treat me quite badly. Shouting at me about everything, calling me “useless” and “a waste of space” and a “slut” for having an untidy room. Untidy here means that my bed is made but there might be too many items on my bedside locker or some clothes on the back of my chair. I do my fair share of chores but it’s never enough. He never hits me but he always threatens to kick me out. I have major restrictions on what I can and can’t do. One minute he treats me like a child – forbidding me to do anything. And the next it’s all “Oh you’re an adult now, you can do what you want” and he refuses to help me.

I only really thought that he might be abusing me when my boyfriend mentioned that it was “messed up” that I couldn’t talk to him or even ask him if I could go visit a friend without being afraid of getting shouted at. I hate my life and have often contemplated suicide. I was forced to see a counsellor a few years ago and she said that I might have depression but I refused to see her anymore because I couldn’t stand the way she treated me. I self harmed in the past but haven’t done it in several months. Though after my last fight with dad I’m thinking about doing it again cause it really helped.

My boyfriend isn’t much help. I tried mentioning this to him just before I started to write this e-mail but he didn’t really listen and changed the subject soon after as he was gaming. This really hurt because I thought, of all the people in my life, he was one of the few that cared about me and might want to help me.

I have no idea if you can help but I am going insane here and, as I haven’t found any way to move out, I don’t know how much longer I can last.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.






Teen Stories

- "It is all your fault. I'm very disappointed in you."