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Signs of Abusive
This list is an adaptation of
a list for teens of Signs of Abusive Boyfriends. Girls who get in relationships with abusive boys
were probably first abused by their own fathers, either physical,
sexually or emotionally., After years of living with abusive
fathers, they have learned to believe that they deserve to be
punished and that they don't deserve to be treated with respect.
They have become used to being treated badly and they don't know
what it is like to be teated well.
of Abusive Fathers
He's trying to control you and make
you dependent on him if:
- He has to know where you are
and who you are with all the time.
- He tries to control your
contact with your friends.
- He puts down what you wear, do
- He tries to control you by
being very bossy, giving orders, making all the
decisions, and does not take your opinion or your
- He is scary. You worry about
how they will react to things you say or do.
- He abuses drugs or alcohol.
- He puts you down so you will
lose self-esteem, confidence and control
- He tells people things you did
or said that embarrass you and make you feel
- He says it's your fault when
things go wrong.
- He calls you stupid, lazy,
fat, selfish, spoiled, ugly or a
- He blames you when he
mistreats you. He says you deserved it, or you
provoked him, pressed his buttons, made him do
- He threatens you.
- He uses physical violence or
he physically controls you, for example,
physically stopping you from going out of the
- He hurts or hits you, or uses
his greater physical strength to hold you down so
you make you feel helpless, powerless or
- He threatens to hit you, hurt
your friends, pets or family if you do not do
what he wants.
- He says he will kick you out
of the house if you don't obey him.
- He threatens to stop giving
you money, or to not pay for your education if
you don't obey him.
- He threatens to kill himself
and blames it on you.
- He gets very angry about
small, unimportant things.
- He will not tell you his
feelings when you ask and then he blows up.
- He pressures you to do things
you don't want to do.
- He attempts to manipulate or
guilt trip you by saying "If you really
loved me you would..." or "If you were
a good daughter you would...."
- He compares you to other
people's daughters and says things like "Why
can't you be more like...."