Judging and Understanding
Are these two mutually exclusive? I am more and more inclined to say they are..I thought of this again today when some hostel guests were about an hour late checking out. I was feeling a little frustrated and out of control. And confused. I thought they had understood me last night when I was explaining them that check out was at 9:30, and why. But this morning they were still moving slowly at around 10:15.
After they left I started wondering if it would help more to explain things more to them. For example explain that I wanted to catch a train at 11 and I needed to wash the sheets before leaving so they could hang out and dry during the day. I am afraid that as they left they were feeling judgmental, thinking something like "Why do we have to leave so early? Other hostels have checkout at 12. This is pretty stupid."
I thought that if they understood, they might be more likely to cooperate voluntarily. Also, they would probably be less likely to feel resentful and judgemental. That is when I thought again that feeling judgmental and feeling understanding are mutually exclusive, or put another way, judging and understanding are mutually exclusive.
I also decided to start a "justice" page today. I suspect that if we understood people and their reasons for doing what they do we would be less likely to punish them. Perhaps we would even want to help them... if we really understood why they did what they dd and what their unmet needs were.
S. Hein
Sept 27, 2009
Podgorica, Montenegro
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