Threats vs Warnings - Doublespeak

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Threats Vs. Warnings?

Here is another example of how words are confused. It is from the Disney family pages. Look at what is called a "threat" and then look at what is called a "warning". The "warning" is still a threat and calling it a "warning" is like calling a punishment a "consequence".

THREATS

"If you don't get over here right now, I'll drive off and leave you here."

"If you do that again, I'll have the police take you away."

WHY IT'S HARMFUL: A threat is an exaggerated statement of impending harm that parents use to intimidate or terrorize a child, e.g., "I'll break every bone in your body if you don't behave." Threats create a climate of fear and make a child feel that he is living in an unsafe and hostile world. A threat of abandonment is particularly traumatic to children, since they are so vulnerable and dependent on their parents for basic survival needs.

WHAT TO SAY INSTEAD: Children should receive warnings not threats. A warning is a realistic "if-then" statement of what will happen to a child if he continues to misbehave, e.g., "If you try to pinch your sister again, you'll have to go to time-out."

from: familyfun.go.com/parenting/child/skills/feature/dony108scwords/dony108scwords10.html

My comments:

I agree with most of what is said under "Why it is harmful". One thing I do not agree with is the addition of the word "exaggerated". A threat doesn't have to be exaggerated. If the parent says "If you do so and so I will take away your Internet" it is still a threat. The example of time out is also a threat, by the way.

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Here are some better examples of threats and warnings.

Warning	Threat
Cigarette smoking is dangerous to your health	If I catch you smoking you will lose the Internet for a month.
This road is very slippery when wet	If you drive over the speed limit when the road is wet you will lose your drivers license.

A warning offers information. A threat is a more direct effort at controlling someone's behavior with the use of fear.

Links

Related from the same Disney pages - Guilt trips

Threats, Warnings, Punisment and Privileges

GUILT TRIPS

"How could you do that after all I've done for you?"

"You'll be the death of me yet!"

WHY IT'S HARMFUL: Children who are made to feel guilty for normal mistakes or problems that are beyond their control will come to believe that they are responsible for every negative thing that happens in a family, leading to an overwhelming sense of guilt. Excessive guilt can inhibit a child's engagement in new or autonomous behaviors for fear of offending a parent.

WHAT TO SAY INSTEAD: "It's wrong to take something belonging to someone else without asking permission. How would you feel if your brother took something from your room without asking?"

Again I agree with the "Why it's harmful" but I would add that guilt trips set the person up to be abused later in relationships. Here is a list of signs of an emotionally abusive boyfriend based on the actual experiences of a woman who feels too guilty to leave the abusive relationship.