Emotional Intelligence | Main page on Emotional Abuse

Signs of An Emotionally Abusive Boyfriend or Partner

- Doesn’t want you to tell people about the problems between the two of you.

- Makes you feel guilty when you don’t want to have sex.

- Pressures you into having sex when you don’t want to.

- Physically forces you into submission when he wants sex after you have sad no.

- Doesn’t accept or respect your decisions.

- When chatting, sends you a lot of nudges when you aren’t answering fast enough.

- Implies that you lie or directly calls you a liar.

- Doesn’t trust you.

- Checks up on you.

- Comes to your home, school or workplace to look for you when you have asked him not to.

- Keeps sending you text messages or calling if you don’t answer.

- Hangs up the phone when he is talking to you.

- Tells you to hang up the phone when you are talking to friends.

- Gives you the silent treatment.

- Expects you to follow him and ask him what's wrong when he walks off.

- Apologizes but then does the same thing.

- Blames you for things.

- Makes you feel guilty for not spending more time with him.

- Tells you what you “should” do.

- Tells you to do things rather than asking you to do them.

- Tells you to do things rather than telling you how he feels.

- Says he can’t live without you or he will kill himself if you leave him.

- Makes you feel responsible for his feelings

- Makes you afraid of telling him the truth, so you find yourself not telling him things or lieing to him in order to avoid fights and conflicts.

- Says things like "I can't believe you are doing this to me." and "You promised me."

While all of these indicators are emotional, remember that emotional abuse is often the first one used.  This nearly always escalates and becomes a physical form of abuse.  It always involves control - one partner controlling the actions of the other.  If this kind of behavior is present, you have a potentially abusive situation that is likely to only get worse as the relationship progresses.

Grabbing your arm or blocking the door when you are trying to leave is one of the first signs the emotional abuse may later turn into physical violence.

While the emotional abuse could lead to physical violence, it doesn't always lead to this. The abusive person might learn he can sufficiently control you with psychological abuse, guilt trips, fear, professions of love, apologies, gifts and other manipulation.

See also

Links

http://homepage.eircom.net/~kathrync/bap.htm

Lies abusers tell - http://www.hhhh.org/maia/lies.html

Positive Steps for Coping with An Abusive Relationship

• Maintain outside relationships and avoid isolation.
• Seek "reality checks" by talking to others if you suspect that your partner has been abusive.
• Learn about resources available to people in abusive relationships.
• Identify a "safe place" you can go to in an emergency if your partner becomes threatening or violent.
• Read self-help books about healthy and unhealthy relationships.
• Seek professional counseling or talk to someone you trust to help you sort through the issues that may be keeping you in an abusive relationship.
• Begin to develop a support system, so that if you choose to leave the relationship, you will not be alone.

Rather then dwelling on blaming yourself for what you've done in the past, focus on how you want to live from this day forward and then take steps to make this happen.

From http://www.uoregon.edu/~counsel/abuse.htm