Threats vs Warnings - Doublespeak

Look at the two examples, then look at what they suggest a parent say instead. First, saying something is wrong is not a very helpful explanation. It is too subjective. You might as well call it "evil", a "sin" or "inappropriate." None of those communicate much useful information.

Then look at the next example of what to say instead. The one which is "How would you feel if..." This is still a guilt trip. The child won't feel cared about, understood or informed with something like that. It would be more helpful to say "I feel bad when I see you taking something from your brother without asking him and I am afraid he will feel bad too."

GUILT TRIPS

"How could you do that after all I've done for you?"

"You'll be the death of me yet!"

WHY IT'S HARMFUL: Children who are made to feel guilty for normal mistakes or problems that are beyond their control will come to believe that they are responsible for every negative thing that happens in a family, leading to an overwhelming sense of guilt. Excessive guilt can inhibit a child's engagement in new or autonomous behaviors for fear of offending a parent.

WHAT TO SAY INSTEAD: "It's wrong to take something belonging to someone else without asking permission. How would you feel if your brother took something from your room without asking?"

By the way, I agree with the "Why it's harmful" but I would add that guilt trips set the person up to be abused later in relationships. I made this list of signs of an emotionally abusive boyfriend based on the actual experiences of a woman who feels too guilty to leave the abusive relationship.