Emotional Intelligence | Stevehein.com

Quotes & Thoughts

Introduction

I started collecting these around 1995. I haven't changed this page in years, but decided to add some new stuff to it today since I found a quote which I liked.

Steve
March 22, 2006

William James

Religion, therefore, as I shall ask you arbitrarily to take it, shall mean for us the feelings, acts and experiences of individual men in their solitude, so far as they apprehend themselves to stand in relation to whatever they consider the divine.

--

Religion is a concern with primal truth.

§§§§

The higher power is somehow contiguous with oneself, "more of the same quality"

( So if you are loving, your god is more loving, if you are judgmental, your god is more judgmental.)

Being in the minority

A minority is in a very awkward position. The individuals in it can't afford to be just as good as the individuals in the majority. If they hope to convert the majority they have to be much better; and the smaller the minority, the better they have to be. They have to think better. They have to know more. They have to write better. They have to have handle controversy better. Above all, they have to have far more courage. And they have to be infinitely patient. (Unknown)

--

Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side." Unknown  

An uncommon man

Roy Parke, Founder of Parkesdale Farms, Plant City, Florida

--

Unfortunately, I can't say this is what it means to be an American anymore. That is one reason I left. Also, I would begin by saying it is my need to be uncommon, and end by saying all this is what it means to be free. - Steve

Other quotes

• "In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."
  Albert Camus
   
• "Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all."
  Dale Carnegie 
   
• "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
  Martin Luther King, Jr.
   
• "Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."
  Confucious  
   
• "The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it."
  General Schwarzkopf  
   
• "One of the most valuable things we can do to heal one another is listen to each other's stories."
  Rebecca Falls
        
• "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it. "
  Chinese Proverb    
   
• "When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."
  Henri Nouwen, "Out of Solitude"
    
• "Abuse victims are always the best actors.  They have to be, to live their whole lives with the pain and shame, pretending there is nothing wrong.  It's the greatest performance of all."
  Richard Dreyfuss in "Silent Fall" (1994) (Morgan Creek Productions - Warner Bros.) Written by Akiva Goldsman
   
• [concerning sexual exploitation by religious professionals...]    "... it is especially offensive when the perpetrator is one whose trusted position would seem to guarantee safety to all those coming in touch with him or her. As one observer noted recently, we seem to be living in a time in which there are institutions which pledge healing but create horror."
  Bishop David Richard, "Discernment and Development of Religious Professionals", The ISTI Sun, V3N1, January 1997, Interfaith Sexual Trauma Institute
   
• "The hardest battle you're ever going to fight is the battle to be just you."
  Leo Buscaglia   

• "'What's wrong?' 'Why don't you get out and do something?' 'You'd feel better if you got up and took a shower.' When I've started down that long black spiral into despression, such well-intentioned comments are more hurtful than helpful. The first two simply have no answer, and all three require answers or action of which I'm incapable and thus feed my feeling of hopelessness. The words that are most welcome are 'What can I do to help?' Sometimes I need a hug, or someone to do a specific task that I feel is overwhelming, or just a quiet presence in the room, someone not trying to 'fix' the situation or supply answers or suggestions for improvement. Sometimes I just need someone to be there, so the dark isn't quite so big."
  "On the Edge of Darkness : Conversations About Conquering Depression"  by Kathy Cronkite, pp. 213-214, in her chapter on support of family and friends
     
• "Always tell the truth, it is the easiest thing to remember."  
  Author Unknown
          
• Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. 
  Ralph Waldo Emerson 
   
• "The world is a dangerous place to live;  not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it."  
  Albert Einstein 
   
• "The work will wait while you show the child the rainbow but the rainbow won't wait while you do the work." 
  Author Unknown  
    
• "I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood. That the speaking profits me, beyond any other effect.

  We have been socialised to have more fear of the approval of others than for our own needs for language and definition, and while we wait in silence for that final luxury of fearlessness, the weight of that silence will choke us.

Audre Lorde: Sister Outsider The Crossing Press 1984 (slightly modified)

• "Changing directions in life is not tragic; losing passion in life is."
  Max Lucado 

• "Nobody who ever gave his best regretted it."
  George Halas  

• "It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself."
  Ralph Waldo Emerson   

• My core belief is that we are part of nature and nature's highest goal is survival. Therefore, our part in nature is to contribute to the survival of the self, the species,and the planet. The highest of these, for us, is survival of the human species, for if we could live without plants, animals or the earth, we would do so if that were the only way to continue living. (S. Hein)

• An angry, violent, jealous, insecure, controlling, afraid, judgmental man created "god." So he gave those attributes to his god. Then the belief was established and institutionalized in the form of a religion. Next the negative, dysfunctional attributes were given to man. The next step is to replace the dysfunctional beliefs with heathier ones, and then teach these to all our parents and children. (Pranita Patel)

Quotes about feelings

John Mayer and Peter Salovey

"Emotions prioritize thinking by directing us to important information."

(From Emotional Development and Emotional Intelligence: Educational Implications, p.11)

--

Peter Block (Author of Flawless Consulting, a highly acclaimed book on business consulting.)

"Stating your own feeling is being authentic and acts to encourage a like response from others." (p. 136)

--

Nathaniel Branden

When we experience our unwanted feelings, they pass out of us and diminish naturally. With wanted feelings the opposite occurs: they grow within us to strengthen us. (From his tape, Honoring the Self)

**

Emotionally mature people realize that others do not exist to meet their needs. (HTS tape)

**

When you repress feelings you deny yourself access to key data. (From another tape)

**

From Branden's The Psychology of Romantic Love

In denying feelings, in nullifying his of her judgements and evaluations, in repudiating his of her experience, the child has learned to disown parts of the self, of the personality. The child begins life in a natural state, in contact with his of her organism. And then a conflict is set up: the child is taught that certain feelings of emotions are unacceptable. But they are felt. The child produces a solution: unconsciousness. (p. 143)

If we are free to know honestly what we feel and to experience it (not merely to acknowledge it verbally), then we can decide with whom and in what context it is appropriate to share our inner life. But if we ourselves do not know, if we are forbidden to know, if we are afraid to know, if we ourselves have never encountered who we are, if we are self-alienated, then we are crippled and incapacitated for genuine intimacy, which means that we are crippled and incapacitated for romantic love. (p. 144)

We want our emotions to be taken seriously, to be respected. (146)

The acceptance of our own feelings is the foundation of our acceptance of the feelings of others. (147)

If communication is to be successful, if love is to be successful, if relationships are to be successful, we must give up the absurd notion that there is something heroic or strong about lying, about faking what we feel, about misrepresenting, by commission or omission, the reality of our experience of the truth of our being. We must learn that if heroism and strength mean anything, it is the willingness to face reality, to face truth, to respect facts, to accept that that which is, is. (148)

--

Mildred Newman and Bernard Berkowitz (Psychologists and authors. Page numbers are from their book, How to Be Your Own Best Friend)

On Taking Responsibility for Our Feelings

To take responsibility for our lives means making a profound change in the way we approach everything. We do everything we can to avoid this change, this responsibility. We would much rather blame someone or something for making us feel unhappy than take the steps to make us feel better. We even talk about our own feelings as if they were visitors from outer space. We say, "This feeling came over me," as if we were helpless creatures overwhelmed by mysterious forces, instead of simply saying, "I felt that way."

We speak as if our feelings change from sunny to stormy like the weather, over which we have no control. This meteorological view of our emotions is very useful; it takes us off the hook for the way we feel. We diminish ourselves, just in order to push away the chance of choice.

You must be able to see the ways you are pulling yourself down and decide that isn't what you want to do. (pp 25-26)

On Approval Seeking

It is up to us to give ourselves recognition. If we wait for it to come from others, we feel resentful when it doesn't, and when it does, we may well reject it.

It is not what others say to us that counts. We all love praise, but have you ever noticed how quickly the glow from a compliment wears off? When we compliment ourselves, the glow stays with us. It is still good to hear it from others, but it doesn't matter so much if we have already heard it from ourselves.

This is the tragedy of some marvelous performers, who need endless applause to tell them how great they are, but who feel a chill as soon as they enter their dressing rooms. They have never heard it from themselves. (pp 28-29)

--

"The Makings of a Country Lawyer", Gerry Spence

These quotes are from the book by the above title. Spence made millions as a lawyer, then realized he had serious personal problems and joined a therapy group. He said:

"How do you feel" was the key to the epiphany. p 387

"The idea of the group was simple and right: to become a person, one had to first become acquainted with oneself, and that required one to become aware of one's feelings. And after that, to become a person, one had to develop the elusive skill of sharing one's feelings with others. When the notion of those simple propositions sank through, it struck me like salvation staggers the born-again."

Before that Spence said he fought back his feelings. "Feelings caused pain. Feelings were dangerous, the enemy in fact."

--

Links to order the books tapes cited above:

Salovey- Emotional Development and EI: Educational Implications

Branden- Honoring the Self -Book

Branden - Honorinig the Self Tape This tape set (of 6) is probably the single best set of tapes I have ever listened to. Evidently, this one is only available from the author. See--> http://www.nathanielbranden.net/boobi.shtml (p.s.-- if you want to order this, let me know-- I am missing one of the series & would like to make a deal with you. It is too pricey at 39.00 for me to order the whole new set!)

Newman/Berkowitz- How to Be Your Own Best Friend

Peter Block-Flawless Consulting

Workaholics

The workaholic is driven to work long hours by internal needs and literally cannot turn it off. They make lousy bosses, aren't team players, alienate their spouses, and aren't involved with their children. You can find workaholics in every industry and at every level of an organization. The typical workaholic used to be a man, but the problem has become more common among women, even in those that do not work outside of the home.

The workaholic should not be confused with the hard worker. Hard workers sprint at the office, producing fabulous results, and then go enjoy social time with family, friends and hobbies. They know how to enjoy life.

Byron Stock

From http://www.byronstock.com/newsletter.html

You Can Never Get Enough of a Substitute

I am not sure where I first heard this, but it makes a lot of sense to me.

Holy Fucking Shiite Muslims

I am proud to say I am the only one on google who came up with this! lol

There are lots of "Holy Shiite Muslims" and lots more of "Holy fucking shit" but only yours truly has put the two together. I used this in a convo today...

what is this about weds?? is she serious!
shes gonna be in fucking england this week????????????
jjl: i know! short notice lol
me: holy fucking shi-ite muslims
jjl: lol
me: u didnt know i said that?
jjl: no
me: lol
yep
for a long time ...funny what u find out about a person after talking to them for a year eh?
jjl: yep.. lol..

Steve Hein
June

Psychologists don't give hugs.

You don't have to have a PhD to care.

You don't have to have a PhD to care about someone.

You don't have to have a PhD to cry.

S. Hein

"As paradoxical as it may appear, listening to the heart, as opposed to rationalizing, is in fact what constitutes true thinking. The academics of this world do not like to admit it, but the truth of the matter is that all so-called 'great minds' act upon feeling. Irrespective of whether it is a new invention, a remarkable discovery in science, a musical composition or a great work of art, the creativity that has led to such works has its origin in feeling. Only once that feeling has been translated into a mental vision of what can be, does the inventor, scientist, composer or artist use the rational mind to work out the practicalities involved in materialising his vision." - Theun Mares