2

Another note, I looked around Jack’s website a bit more yesterday, too. I noticed two things of particular interest. One is that it is getting more personal. He talks about his mother, for example,

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The other day Carla, who has been doing some work for me, showed up dressed much more elegantly than usual. I asked her why and she said no reason, she just felt like it.
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And when I was in my twenties most people would say I was “successful” or even highly successful....does that mean I was more emotionally intelligent then?

Or does it mean I hadn’t really thought about things; I hadn’t traveled; I hadn’t questioned...

3

Is Josh Freedman an expert?

Who are the experts?

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Hugs – are they healthy? Who decides who can hug each other?

Kisses on the cheek. Are they inappropriate in schools? In South America it is quite ok-- between visitors and teachers, teachers and students and visitors and students.
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The Israeli soldier from Lima: They will come find me and kill me. We have to stick together. Some people are just born evil.
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Pre-emptive defense.

A lot of people in the USA have been talking about a new philosophy of “pre-emptive strikes”

5

I am very honestly worried by what I saw on Jack’s website. I worry about what would happen if a suicidal teenager who reads what he has written,

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I believe emotional management is much more a factor of one’s environment and upbringing than of their innate emotional intelligence. This is basically the nature vs. nurture argument which has caused so much controversy in the area of general intelligence.

Jack, without realizing it I am afraid, has now opened the field of EI up to this same kind of controversy. I feel sad about that. There is already enough misunderstanding and controversy about what EI is.

6

How will you feel the next time a teenager kills themselves in Salta, Argentina?

Forecasting feelings.

I know it will hurt me so much. I feel responsible. I am because I am able to respond, not just respond but prevent.

Almost no one seems to care here.

Caring, crying, hugs, psychologists.

I have asked a lot of people if they think their psychologist or therapist would cry if they killed themselves and they have all said no.

7

that´s rubbish, you can´t say that and then eat meat from cows.

what does it mean to be a human?

what do humans believe?

what is important to humans?

what do they feel motivated by?

what do they need?

design an emotionally rewarding life. but what if what you find rewarding is illegal?

Definitions

synonyms for ability - potential, skill

Is terrorism effective?

8 - Emotional Intelligence and Conformity -Bolivia, Evo Morales, Ties

10 - Yesterday I took another look at the 1990 paper written by Salovey and Mayer. I saw something I never noticed before.

In the abstract of the paper they wrote this:

a set of abilities…

11

Thinking more about the girl on the island. This morning I thought of more questions.

- Would it have been helpful to tell her that a person who commits suicide has low emotional intelligence

Would it be helpful to society to label her as a person with low EQ?

Would it help prevent future kidnappings, rapes and invalidation?

Would it have been helpful for her to have had classes on raising her emotional intelligence?

12 - Thinking more about the girl on the island. I asked the question: would it be fair to say has low emotional intelligence?

13 - Thinking more about the problems with the idea of selecting the most popular or most common answer. I was just thinking how much better I feel here in Argentina than I did in Peru. Then I wondered if I would have to answer the same question differently in order to be called emotionally intelligent from one country to another!

This is pretty much just nuts. But it seems like what those guys are saying. If the “correct” ie intelligent answer depends on the culture you are in then you’d have to change your answers from culture to culture!

It is hard to take them seriously now. They seem to be just talking a lot of bullshit like almost everyone else. They are saying “the emotionally intelligent person this”and “the emotionally intelligent person that.” So they are convinced they have created a test of emotional intelligence now. And they will probably just be defending it till they die. Never admitting they were offbase back in 1990 when they defined it as a set of skills and then when they designed the test with its many problems.

I need to be very clear in listing what those problems are exactly and thanks to the assholes at MHS I can’t show people the actual test questions. So I have to be careful how I show how shitty the test is.

Ok let me try to go thru them again..

a) designed by Americans who think like Americans, behave like Americans, belief like Americans

b) no guarantee whatsoever the most intelligent responses are even included in the possible answers.

c) no guarantee that the so called experts no what the most intelligent answers are

see eij13 for the rest of this

14 - War, EI, Suicide

temp- for little bits

If they don’t know the pain of non conformity
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At art school – Luciano’s sister killed herself at 16. We were out in the patio talking about it and his teacher ordered him to get back to class.......The psychology student - told me “it’s not the family”

How can I plan an emotionally rewarding life when I am in an emotional desert?

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Motixx - Motivation, messy desk

From May 21

Lawyers, Liars, Emotions and Society

A lot of what we call society is based on what we call laws. We depend on what we call the “justice system” to sort things out, resolve conflicts.

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Hi Lottie,

I am sorry I disconnected last night. When you started to tell me what councilors should do, it was too much. I was already feeling discouraged and frustrated

From May 28

Emotionally Intelligent vs. Emotionally Supported

Emotionally Intelligent vs. Emotionally Healthy

Emotional Intelligence vs. Emotional Literacy

Emotional Intelligence vs. Optimism (titanic)

Mayer, Salovey and Caruso are calling normal
”intelligent”.

It would be like asking 100 people if the earth was flat back in the days of Christopher Columbus. If 99 said yes

It hurts me so much, what they are doing to the concept of EI. What they are doing to teenagers – telling them they are not emotionally intelligent if they cut, smoke, drink, disobey school rules, use drugs.

june 1 - general journal writing - need to read again

writing and pics from bolivia 1 2

from june 1

Insecurity and Emotional Intelligence - The Missing Group Story

One problem with the popular models of emotional intelligence is that they attribute too much to either having EI or not having it. Here is an example from my own life of a situation where my emotional insecurity distorred my emotional intelligence.

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Here in Salta, Argentina where I am living now, there is an English conversation group, organized by Alex from the UK. It meets every Wednesday night. One night I went to the usual meeting place around 8:40, thinking the meeting started at 8:30. When I arrived, there was no one there. I felt confused. I decided to sit and wait for a while. As I waited I wondered if maybe Alex had changed the meeting place and not told me, but had told everyone else because he or someone else didn’t want me there.

This might sound totally irrational, but this is what I actually thought. This is how the mind of an insecure person functions, or dysfunctions, as the case may be. The insecure mind invents things, forgets things. It distorts reality. And I will add "the abused mind". If you didn’t know, I was sexually abused when I was 18 by a male university professor. I was also physically abused by two teachers who hit me with boards between the ages of about 11 and 13, And I was psychologically abused by my family, being raised to be overly afraid of rejection and disapproval.

That night at the table, had I been just a little more insecure and afraid of rejection, I would have left and never even called anyone to ask what happened with the meeting. When I feel rejected, even if it is an irrational fear based on distorted thinking or false assumptions, I typically just leave quietly, like a dog who slinks away. But that night I tried to think logically. Eventually I remembered the meetings start at 9:30 and not 8:30.

I went back around 10:00 and found that there still was no one there! Again my mind started inventing scenarios. But a waitress quickly noticed me and told me they had moved to another location. I then went there, found the group having its usual meeting and enjoyed myself, all the while still feeling a bit foolish for thinking that the whole group had conspired against me.

My point is that we can not evaluate a person's emotional management skills without taking their level of insecurity (and many other factors) into account. If I were to have left the meeting, decided that there was no point in living because everyone was always going to reject me and then killed myself, would it be fair to say it was because I suffered from a deficit in low intelligence? This is what Salovey and Mayer implied in their 1990 paper and what they still seem to believe based on Jack Mayer's current website information.

I don't think it would be fair to say I killed myself because had low EI. I believe my suicide would be more a factor of my insecurity and past rejections, real and imageined. AndI believe the insecurity itself is due to way I was raised and the abuse I've suffered, not because of an innate deficit in emotional intelligence. In fact, I believe a person who is emotionally intelligent and abused can be expected to do irrational and self-diaestructive things because they both think and feel more intensely.

Insecurity - The label story

So my mind is a bit fucked up, but whose isn’t? ha ha. Most of us have been abused in some way. Not many of us have received all the emotional support we needed when we needed it. Some people will never know that they didn’t get it, but that doesn’t mean they got it and are fine now. They might believe they are fine and feel defensive if you suggest they aren’t but that doesn’t mean they are. This reminds me of a line from Willy S. “Me thinks thou dost protest too loudly.” See I remember something from highschool English. lol

June 21 - Goleman's "test"

I just checked google and found that the number two listing for "emotional intelligence" was this test written by Goleman for the UTNE reader. I think he has changed it a little for the corporate world but it is obviously the same test.

Looking at it and comparing it to the MSCEIT test, I have to say that there really isn't much difference in the type of questions and the type of answers. Though I criticize Dan a lot at least Goleman the Hay Group have the honesty to say that "The results you get from this quiz are NOT a comprehensive picture of your EI..." Or maybe I shouldn't give them that much credit. Maybe they say that more because they want you to spend a lot of money on their consulting services. Look what they say next... "...and the quiz is NOT representative of Hay Group surveys.  If you are interested in testing and developing your EI, you should contact us at 617 425 4500 for information on our Emotional Competence Inventory.

Some notes I found

RM sent me a message that said She has to go to work at 9 tomorrow but she will come see me first.

When I talked to her she said Please understand, your not upset are you?

She is very emotionally sensitive. And probably emotionally intelligent. And pretty emotionally and financially secure. But not emotionally knowledgeable, trained or skilled.

Laura was emotoinally sensitive, emotionally intelligent, emotionally knowledgeable and emotionally skilled, but emotionally insecure, financially insecure.

You have to understand vs Please understand

The former is in a position of power. Like the airport in Utah.

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It is five thirty now. Slept for about a half hour. Don't want to stay in this hotel room or hotel anymore. Feel resentful towards RM

- sent me a text at 12:30 last night.woke me up. didn't apologize. says "please understand" instead of i'm sorry n asking how I feel then validating it. I don't want to tell her how I feel, she will feel guilty but she won't be able to say it. She is very sensitive. Example she felt bad for not going with me to the hotel once. Later she said "I feel repentful because I didn't go with you and sent you alone." I tried to talk her out of her feelings. Said "I don't get lost easily, have traveled all around the world etc." But it would have been better to let her talk more, to ask her why. duh. Feel critical of my self how, Hit myself on the head with the palm of my hand a couple of times.

Feel trapped in this hotel room, in this hotel. Two gates and the locked door.You are locked in. Someone has to let you out with a key. They don't even just push a button to release the lock. They have to walk around the corner to do it. So you stand there and wait. And if there is no one there you have to look around for whoever is supposed to be attending the door and reception desk. And if you don't see them you have to make some noise. In some hotels there is a buzzer on the inside, but this only has one on the outside.