Emotional Intelligence | Stevehein.com
behavior, needs, interpretations,
thatīs rubbish, you canīt say that and then eat meat from cows.
insanity trying the same thing expecting different results
trying to ignore me, trying not to think about it, trying to
pretend it doesnt exist.
business as usual.
after sept 11 the president want to get back to business as
usual. ie not stop to learn anything.
what does it mean to be American?
what does it mean to be a human?
what do humans believe?
what is important to humans?
what do they feel motivated by?
what do they need?
design an emotionally rewarding life. but what if what you find
rewarding is illegal?
teaching about evolution for example? teaching sex education?
going to cuba?
hugging children who are crying?
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The other day I was talking to someone who was telling me that
here in Argentina people eat llama meat. In other words, some
people raise llamas specifically so they can be killed and eaten.
I said I feel bad when I think of them killing the poor
llamas. My friend said Thats rubbish! You
cant feel bad for the llamas if you dont feel bad for
the cows.
But I do feel bad for the llamas. I also feel bad for the cows,
but it hurts me more to think of the llamas being killed.
I feel pain now because I want to explain why I feel more pain
when I think of llamas being killed than I do for the cows. I
feel pain because it will take a long time to explain and I feel
frustrated that I didnt feel understood when my friend said
Thats rubbish! It is more painful because I had
just tried to explain to him what invalidation is. It is more
painful because he studied psychology and they didnt teach
him either the theory or the practice about validation and
invalidation. Nor even basic listening skills and how to show
understanding.
I dont feel critical of my friend. I feel sadness that he
was not taught these things. He is a smart person, by that I mean
he is capable of learning. He is quite analytical, but also quite
sensitive. He does little things like asks people to make a place
for me when I come join the group at a table. We have good
conversations. Some of the best I have had in a long time. I feel
more accepted by him than judged and that helps me feel more
emotionally fulfilled. He also invites me to things he is
organizing, which helps me feel included and not rejected. And he
spends time talking with me and when I say talking with me I mean
it is a good balance between listening and talking.