Steve Hein's EQI.org
|Abuse | Anger |Caring
| Caring vs. Control | Common "Negative" or
Here is a more complete list of topics
|Letter to Dani - Dec 1
Nov 29 - "Schools were never designed to meet the needs of children or teenagers." S. Hein
Nov 29 - Here is the most recent letter I wrote to Jon at Skyscanner
Nov 24, 2018 - I don't have anyone to talk to ... so I will write... It is painful, though, to write when what I need is to talk to someone. Someone who is a good listener. Someone who cares. Someone who will help me. I have been looking for people like this for a very long time now. I thought I found one recently, I thought I found one in May or June, too. I have given up on that one. I will call her C. Ayer I needed to talk to someone. I will call her D. Or SD. She said she was busy cleaning the house. She said: "I can call you tonight". That was very painful. She didn't know how much pain I was in before she wrote that. And she didn't remember to ask how ok it would be if she kept cleaning and called me back at night. She didn't ask how I was feeling or how I felt about her message. I need people who ask me "how ok" and who ask me how I feel and how I would feel about things. I guess I could have written back, "I am feeling suicidal," but that is too aggressive for me. I would have just killed myself ayer instead of writing that I think.
It is hard to explain why I would choose to kill myself rather than tell someone who cares about me more than most people, maybe even more than anyone, that I am feeling suicidal. I guess it is because I need to feel important to someone. I seems to me that if you are important to someone they will want to know how you are feeling and how you would feel about different things that affect you before they do them.
I wrote about this around 22 years ago when I wrote about respect. But I need more than respect. I need to feel cared about, valued, important. I believe we all need the same things. I think I am just more aware of these needs than most people, and maybe I have a greater need for them because things like distracting myself don't work as well or as easily as they do for other people, for example.
I have been talking to people who work as employees or "wage slaves" at three different big companies. Paypal, Airbnb and Skyscanner. It has become clearer to me how dehumanizing daily life is for more and more people. They are told to lie, for example. They are put in situations where they must defend abusive and uncaring people. I will ask to talk to a supervisor and they will say "They are all in a meeting."
Now I just walked around this hotel a little and saw 4 girls, around age 10 I suppose, playing foosball.
Learning to be more competitive.
They will make good university students. Good wage slaves.
Earlier someone came up to me and said "Bon Dia. Qual e o numero de seu quarto?" What is your room number?
Maybe I could have tried to say to
her, "Could you ask me how I am feeling? Are you
interested? Do you care?"
Maybe I could have taken out my knife and started to cut my wrist, like I did in 2011 when Priscilla said "One more reason to hate Australia."
There is giving up and there is suicide. Two different, but related things. I guess I write when I am close to giving up. Which is close to suicide.
For me, it doesnt make much sense to keep living once you have given up. If I am not contributing, what I m doing? What is my purpose? What is my value?
For a long time I have realized how little anyone values me. Priscilla valued me for a while, then left me. Now she doesn't talk to me. Hasn't forgiven me.
Then there is the guy at Skyscanner. Nice guy. Will he forgive me? Keep talking to me? Value me enough to read my emails? Or my writing about him? Or about understanding and customer service or "customer satisfaction". Those words hurt because he has been given a title. They say "titulo" in Spanish and Portuguse. Titulo also means a degree in Spanish and Pt. So anyhow, his titulo is something like Director of Customer Satisfaction. But I am a customer, or I think I am. I don't know if he agrees. Long story. But he hasn't asked how satisfied I feel. Or how understood.
One day, maybe, people will be talking about these things more directly.
qual o número do seu quarto
July 9 - Took a pain killer for some pain in my leg. It worked. For a while. But the pain came back. Because it didn't stop what was causing the pain.
Am hosting a traveler from Japan. -more
May 5 - Been feeling unimportant, uncared about, alone, a little suicidal.
Feb 26 No results found for "are psychology professors mentally healthy?". I believe we need to be asking this quesiton. And I personally believe the answer is often "no, they are not." S. Hein
Feb 3, 2018 Would an educated person hit a child or drink Coca Cola? | Caring vs Control - Gmail's password resetting system
recent items - Jan 25 We are being
controlled by people who don't care about us.
Dec 26 Gabor Mate Video - What he says supports most of what I say on this site.
Writing about feeling cared about and teen suicide (on Paulish.net)
July 9 - Am hosting a traveler from Japan. -more He told me he knew people who were best friends. They spent all their time together stuyding so they could pass the university entrance exam. When they both passed it their parents said, "Now you can do anything you want." They decided what they wanted to do was kill themselves. So they did.
He also told me when he was in high school he didn't pay attention in class. He put in his earphones. The teachers got tired of taking his cell phone and eventually left him alone.
If you would like to read my personal journal, please write me. Steve
Also, I have been thinking a lot about my conflict with people who work for the state government in Delaware, USA. It helps me to talk to people about it. If you are willing to listen to what I have to say about it, I would appreciate it. You can write me at the above email address. Thanks
Feb 20 - Thinking about movie Buck. Did some searches on one of the places used in the movie sullivanfarmhanoverians.com and then found a site selling horses. Here is a search I did to see how many horses were for sale over 50,000