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Mail - April, 2014
Mail page 2 (
page 1)

Here is some of the mail I receive and some of my replies. It includes mail from

- an American HS teacher in Eastern Europe -

- two university students (sisters/twins) from Malaysia who have been emotionally abused or neglected

- an 18 year old in America who has an emotionaly abusive mother

 

 


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Twins In Sngapore from Indonesia

hi again

sorry i am slow...

how are things going there?

i just wrote to ur sis. she can share that with u... about translating some of my site...

anyhow, are you two roommates?

and could u tell me some things about what she was like when she was young and how you and her were treated, maybe differently, by your parents or what the differences are between you two, especially emotionally.

by the way could you look at this page and tell me how much u felt emotionally supported at home, given this definition, by ur mom and then by your dad..

http://eqi.org/p3/its_not_you_its_who_you_are_with.htm

hug if u want one

(did either ur mom or dad give u hugs -- and did they ever hit or smack you your sister? - and would you ever hit a child? and do u think jesus ever would - ur christian right? who is more religious, u or ur sis?)

bye for now

s


----- Original Message -----
From: Jessica
To: eqi.org2@gmx.com
Date: Mon, 31 Mar 2014 17:05:26 +0800
Subject: I wish you well

> Hi,
> my sister told me about you and how she contacted you long ago when she
> was suicidal. I had recently visited your page and I think you're a nice
> guy. I'm sorry that you're going through hardship even though you've helped
> so many people. I hope you guys will be alright and that good things await
> you
>
> Cheers,
> J
>
>

 
   

Thanks for replying

I'm going to try and confirm as much as I can. The job is at a zoo near his house, running the rides like the ski lift or carousel, contacting his employer sounds like a good idea. I've talked to his parents on webcam and they were very nice. I'll make a profile on the site too, just in case. And thanks, for being protective :) 
Yes I remember rosachenisis, that's great that she was able to leave, and I'd be happy to talk to her! 

- Marie

On Monday, April 21, 2014 1:06 PM,

hi mbh

nice to hear from u...

sounds pretty interesting.  id feel better if u confirmed some of the stuff. it almost sounds too good to be true. but it it is all true id say its probably worth taking a chance on.

id suggest actually talking to his parents on wecam, for example, and talking to his employer.

what is the job btw?

also, in case it doesnt work out, id strongly suggest making a profile on this site and starting to write to pple in that city where he lives.

couchsurfing.com

maybe even one of them with good references would meet him.

getting away now that ur free to do so sounds like a good plan. im just feeling a bit protective of u.

btw

do u remember rosachenisis or something like that. her name is actually angela. she is 19 now and she left her abusive mom and family and is actually staying with my sister for a while in indianapolis.

im gonna send a copy of this to her. she might be good to talk to.

hugs

s.






----- Original Message -----
From: Marie

Date: Mon, 21 Apr 2014 09:46:26 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: I could use some advice -Mariebraveheart

> Hi Steve, I hope you're doing okay. I don't know if you'd remember me, a few years ago we talked on chatango about my problems with my mom and I sent you a drawing I did and you put it on your site here, http://eqi.org/marie.htm 

I'm 18 now, things never really got better, they're either the same or worse actually. But now that I'm 18 I can leave. I met a friend online about a year ago and he knows all about my situation, he and his parents invited me to go and live with them in another state. He said he'd pay for my plane ticket since I haven't got any money or a job. He found a job for me at the same place he works. I've skyped with him a lot and I met his parents on there, I have him on facebook, and he's even shown me his ID so I know he's real and not faking. He's a really great guy and he's always been there when I needed someone to talk to. It all sounds great, but I wanted your advice... Should I go? I really want to but I'm nervous about leaving my parents and going off to live somewhere else. I could finally be free from my mom. I'm pretty sure it's what I want to do, but I'd like your opinion if you can give it to me. 

Also I saw on EQI that you haven't been doing very well, I don't know what you're going through, but I do hope you'll feel better. 
Thanks

-Marie
>

i feel so much love for these teens. so protective of them. so much pain for how they have had to live. -- because of society's lawa and beliefs...

like the belief they dont know what is best for them, and their feelings are not important. and they are just wanting attention and going thru a phase and so called teenage angst

and the laws that make them what i call teen prisoners

last reply to marie

do u have a bank account and a paypal account and a passport?

angela can tell u the importance of getting all of these if u dont

did u hear from her or did u write to her yet?

and did u make ur couch surfing profile? id like to see it

angela can show u mine. and she has one too now.

and would u like to do some online work for me?

s

 
hi d

thanks for your reply. i forgot you don't have net access on the weekends and i was afraid i wasn't going to hear from you again because i suggested writing about you on my site or for some other reason. i spend a lot of time wondering things like that, usually wrong, but often right. right enough to have become afraid of rejection by people. especially the more i develop controversial ideas which go against the mainstream.

anyhow, i wrote something which id like you to share with your students who might potentially be emotionally abused. in fact, id really like it if you would share some of my ideas with your students. probably not many will be significantly emotionally abused, but i suspect that just by looking into their eyes, you will be able to spot one in your classes.

what i'd like you to share is this....

"It'ts not you. It's who you are with."

Here is the page that goes along with that. I created it yesterday

http://eqi.org/p3/its_not_you_its_who_you_are_with.htm

Does it make sense to you, or what do you think?

I feel encouraged that you wrote back. The fact that you are in front of high school students, gives you a lot of potential influence. Do you ever look at it that way?

I'd love it if you helped them learn a little about emotional literacy for example.

On this page I have that free pdf along with others...

http://core.eqi.org/free_pdfs_from_eqi.htm

What name shall we call you, haha?

Thanks again for your mail.

It is the only mail I got in my inbox this morning. Since I put that new contact page up, 99 percent of the people have stopped writing me. I have mixed feelings about that. I feel relieved I don't get so much mail I can't respond to it, but sad that so few people are able/willing to show some empathy.

Well that's all for now. I'd like to hear more about your day, what classes you teach, about your favorite and least favorite students and other teachers, and the school director.

S.




----- Original Message -----
From:
To: eqi.org2
Date: Mon, 14 Apr 2014 10:16:52 +0300
Subject: Re: Steve (I hope this is you...), hoping to encourage you.

> Hi Steve
>
> Hey, no problem. I hope things are going okay with your friend. I felt good
> about the chat too. Hope you had a nice weekend and that you're feeling a
> little better about things.
>
> I'd love to talk more, and yes it's nice to chat with someone from the US
> :) I haven't seen your education page, I'll have to look that up...
>
> I have no problem giving as much information as you want/need, especially
> if it can potentially help somebody. As long as it can't be traced back to
> me (I like the idea of a pseudonym) or my family, I'm totally fine with
> that.
>
> Debra
>
>
> On Sat, Apr 12, 2014 at 11:10 AM, <eqi.org2> wrote:
>
> > hi again debra
> >
> > im really sorry i left so fast before we had a chance to talk more.
> >
> > i felt good, though, about the short chat we had. what about you, how did
> > you feel about it?
> >
> > i would like to talk to you again, if thats ok with you. i feel very
> > interested in your life now. i already feel conncted a bit to you since
> > u are from the states, you have been emotionally abused (i guess that is
> > fair to say, or wouldn't you call it actual abuse), you place love above
> > denominations, and you are a teacher.
> >
> > i have a lot of ideas about education. have u seen my education page yet?
> >
> > there is lots id like to talk to you about. but first i want to clear up
> > how much i can say about you on my site. i always respect ppl's need for
> > confidentiality, annonymity, yet i like to get as close to real facts as
> > i can. i have a problem being taken seriously by "mainstream"
> > psychologists and society in general so the more real, verifiable data i
> > have the better. so please think about how you want me to refer to you
> > for my site. and keep in mind that you will always have a chance to edit
> > what i post by just letting me know. that is the system i have always
> > used when i talk to people.
> >
> > so with that said i would propose that we give you a first name like Debra
> > or something... And then we say you are
> > from America, working at a high school in Eastern Europe. How does that
> > sound so far?
> >
> > Another idea I just had is that we could divide you into two people. One
> > more "real" than the other. I assume you don't want the world to know
> > about your family situation with your name on it. So we could make one
> > identify for you when we talk about that. But then I'd like to talk to
> > you about your view on god, society, education, punishment for example,
> > and for that maybe we could use Debra C or something,
> >
> > How does all of this sound so far?
> >
> > s
> >
> >
> >
> > ----- Original Message -----
> > From: Debra
> > To: eqi.org2
> > Date: Fri, 11 Apr 2014 20:50:11 +0300
> > Subject: Re: Steve (I hope this is you...), hoping to encourage you.
> >
> > > Okay, i will look you up :) mine is ___.
> > >
> > > Actually, I still use my old college e-mail, i no longer go there. I'm
> > > working as a high school teacher in ____ (which is where I use
> > > the internet). I'm not Baptist, more of a non-denominational Christian.
> > I'm
> > > not big on the extra stuff that comes with denominations. I prefer to
> > stick
> > > to just plain loving people, without all the fluff.
> > >
> > > What about you? You seem pretty open and non-judgemental, though I get
> > the
> > > impression that you're rather skeptical and displeased with "religion".
> > >
> > >
> > > On Fri, Apr 11, 2014 at 8:34 PM, <eqi.org2> wrote:
> > >
> > > >
> > > > ok it is ____
> > > >
> > > > what do u do at the school? i see it is a baptist college, are u also
> > > > baptist?
> > > >
> > > > s.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > ----- Original Message -----
> > > > From: Debra
> > > > To: eqi.org2
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Date: Fri, 11 Apr 2014 19:15:10 +0300
> > > > Subject: Re: Steve (I hope this is you...), hoping to encourage you.
> > > >
> > > > > I'm glad it made you smile :) Chatting on skype sounds great. Text is
> > > > > always good, and voice can be arranged too depending on the time (I
> > work
> > > > at
> > > > > a school and basically bogart their internet after hours because I
> > don't
> > > > > have it at home). What is your skype address?
> > > > >
> > > > > Debra
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > On Fri, Apr 11, 2014 at 7:01 PM, <eqi.org2> wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > hi s
> > > > > >
> > > > > > thanks for ur message. it made me smile. i really like the idea of
> > > > talking
> > > > > > to u. how woiuld u feel about talking on skype? either voice or
> > > > text....
> > > > > >
> > > > > > s.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > ----- Original Message -----
> > > > > > From: Debra
> > > > > > To: eqi.org2
> > > > > > Date: Fri, 11 Apr 2014 18:55:57 +0300
> > > > > > Subject: Steve (I hope this is you...), hoping to encourage you.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > > Hi Steve,
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > My name is Debra. I discovered your website today, and I just
> > want
> > > > you
> > > > > > to
> > > > > > > know that it has helped me alot to come to terms (and actually
> > label)
> > > > > > what
> > > > > > > I went through as a child and adolescent. Things have come up
> > > > recently
> > > > > > that
> > > > > > > have forced me to really dissect all of that. (but enough about
> > me :)
> > > > ).
> > > > > > I
> > > > > > > just wanted you to know that the way you so obviously care about
> > the
> > > > hurt
> > > > > > > people experience and your availability to talk with them is so
> > > > > > > encouraging. You are doing something, I feel, very important and
> > > > > > necessary,
> > > > > > > not to mention rare.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > I noticed your comment about how things aren't going so well in
> > your
> > > > life
> > > > > > > right now. I just wanted you to know what a positive impact you
> > are
> > > > > > making,
> > > > > > > and to give you an outlet to talk to somebody who can empathize
> > with
> > > > > > daily
> > > > > > > doses of pain (emotional and physical). Please, please feel free
> > to
> > > > talk
> > > > > > > about what's going on with you. This is what you have done for
> > > > others,
> > > > > > it's
> > > > > > > about time you had some objective ears waiting to listen to
> > *you.*
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > This may seem strange (I don't usually do this sort of thing)
> > since
> > > > we've
> > > > > > > never met, but I find comfort in comforting others. I hope this
> > > > helps.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Once again, feel free to chat. I would love to hear what you have
> > to
> > > > say.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Kind Regards,
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Debra
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >
> > >
> > >
> >
>
>

 
   
   

 

 

 

 

Mail I sent out

mail sent to lisa firestone at glendon.org

Hi Lisa

I saw your new article on theinvisiblescar and I would like to interview you for my site eqi.org. EQI.org was formerly number one on google for both emotional intelligence and emotional abuse. Then I had to stop working on it basically for a few years. Now I am back to work on it.

My site has been a wellspring of material for other sites on emotional abuse. For example, my work on invalidation has been copied widely on the net. Here is one example at the abuse sanctuary

http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2007/02/invalidation-invalidation-is-to-reject.html

It has also been used as a reference at about.com

http://psychology.about.com/od/personalitydevelopment/a/emotionalintell_2.htm

I have also co-edited a book of letters from emotionally abused teens around the world. It is called Letters from the Unloved.

Anyhow, I would love to interview you if that would be ok with you.

Steve Hein
www.eqi.org

 
Comment left at theinvisiblescar

Hi Veronica
I am not sure if you have seen my site, but I would like to collaborate with you. Could you please email me at eqi.org2 at gmx.com so we could be in contact?
You are doing very good work.
Thanks much.

Steve Hein
www.eqi.org

Btw here are direct links to my pages on emotional abuse and invalidation:
www.eqi.org/eabuse1.htm
www.eqi.org/invalid.htm

(I did a site search on theinvisiblescar and didn't find anything specifically about invalidation)
also, our free pdf book of letters from emotionally abused teens is found on this page
http://core.eqi.org/free_pdfs_from_eqi.htm

 
sent this to james tracy - professor in florida who was verbally attacked by anderson cooper

hi james

i admire what you are doing.

id like to help you learn to answer attacking questions like those from anderson c.

i dont want to charge you money. it seems u do what u do for other reasons than money. like me.

in the past my website has been number one on emotional intelligence, emotional literacy and emotional abuse.

i'd also like to share with u some things to pass along to your students if ur open to that.

i grew up in the usa. now live in south america. see the usa from a different perspective now. would like to share some of that with you.

stevehein at gmx.com

www.eqi.org

he replied once but not since then. didnt reply as to whether he heard of nvc for example.