Its not you, its who you are with

It's Not You. It's Who You Are With

Here is some writing from Angela

I thought I was an "introvert" but it turns out, that doesn't mean i need to be away from PEOPLE I just need to be away from fear of judgement, and all of that. because I used to feel energized by being alone. I get the same motivated energy when I'm talking to you p or r

Angela made an excellent insight here. In other words, if you are having trouble being open with someone, revealing your honest feelings, or being what I call "emotionally honest", it is probably you are trying to be open with the wrong person. If you are afraid of opening up, it is almost surely because you have been not only judged, but invalidated in many ways in the past with others. When your feelings tell you that you are not safe to be emotionally honest, pay close attention to them. Go slowly. Only share a little. Then wait to see how the response is.

I heard something once that went , "Share, check share." This meant share a little, check the response, then if its ok, if you feel safe, share more.

Below is a reply from yahoo answers, (admittedly not always the best source of wisdom, haha) that makes this point in terms of being sexually intimate with someone.

Core Components of EQI.org

Respect | Empathy
Caring | Listening
Understanding

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When you decide to be have sex with someone, you should be comfortable with yourself. You also have to be comfortable with being with someone. I remember the first time that I had sex. It was something that I wanted. He didn't want it, unless I wanted it. I chose to go ahead and have sex with him. It was different. Wasn't the best sex I've had , but it was, what it was.

I understand that you said that you were drunk one time, but still froze up and gave a shy little no. Either way, a no is a no. If you are freezing up you are not comfortable. Maybe its not you, its who you're with. Maybe you'er not comfortable with the guy. If you want to drink thats your business, but please don't get drunk to were sh*t can happen and you don't remember.

If you are not in a relationship, maybe thats what you should try. I mean you need someone that loves you and wants to please you. I tried to have sex outside of having feeling for someone, just cause I was attracted to them, but I couldn't bring myself to it. Thats just me. I would rather be in a committed relationship.

Try to take a time out and think about what you want. You may not be the reason you freeze up, it may be the guy. Do some searching within yourself and be safe. Don't just have sex to see if you won't freeze up this time.

I wish you luck and hope I've helped.