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Truly grateful and completely inspired,


You are truly awesome, and you have opened my heart and my mind so much.


Thank you for helping me get my feelings in check.  You helped me focus.  I can support my daughter better now.  Thank you, thank you.


They really should teach emotional intelligence in schools and there should be special attention spent on emotional abuse because I think once people understand emotional abuse they can understand the other abuses as well.


I need to tell you after years of searching, reading, and listening to books nothing has helped me any more than your information has.

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Hi, My name is ___. I am first and foremost a mom of six children ranging in age from 15 to 2. I am a teacher, and I am finishing up my ed leadership degree at ______ University. I stumbled upon the work of SteveHein tonight while working on a bullying project for school and I spent hours and hours reviewing and printing the material for reading later on and sharing with my colleagues and future employees.

I am so moved by the simplicity of your words and the power that you give back to the children. I am grateful to you for putting into words what my heart feels. My children's teachers have come to respect me a great deal and they listen when we discuss my children and how I think they should proceed when my children act like children. I do not allow punitive measures that degrade children, instead i encourage discussion and loving guidance. And with persistent negative behaviors I encourage teachers to seek the trigger. What is making this behavior happen.

As a teacher, I have a warm relationship with my students and the first thing I set up with them on day one of every school year is mutual respect. I felt so reassured to read tonight on the website all about creating that mutual respect for a successful classroom. I find too many teachers today don't understand the value in such.

I have already told many people that my goal right now is to change the face of education. I will be internalizing much of what I have read tonight on my quest to do so.

May G-d continue to bless you and guide you on your path to helping His children.

Truly grateful and completely inspired,


Even if you never read this please know that just the thought of you being out there and telling people that emotional abuse is REAL makes me cry a little less at night.

Steve... I found and read the "respect" and "validation" sections of your site via a Google search and they have really helped me out. After having the realization that these were areas where I needed work I sought information and your site was the first I found. I am no longer as afraid of certain situations as I was and in a way it's almost fun to see how well I can handle them now. I was mostly motivated because my boss and I did not communicate well but just after two weeks things are much better. I find that I can apply it to friends and my girlfriend as well and it works great.  
I just wanted to let you know a few things. 1st of all, I hope you read this!
You are truly awesome, and you have opened my heart and my mind so much.

Until I read your online book, I never really knew what was going on inside, I never could figure out what was wrong when I laid my head down at night, and because of you I have been unmedicated for 3 months now.  And because of you, my relationship with my daughter has been absolutely wonderful.  Since I have read your website,  I have learned how to be more understanding, how to use my words better, and how not to judge or teach my daughter how she is "supposed" to be.  She is able to talk to me about things going on at school that is bothering her, she even recently cried in my arms because her Dad cancelled on with her on her birthday. I just sat and cried with her and listened, I didn't tell her what she should do or how she should feel, I just empathized.  She could actually verbalize how she was feeling, something that I was never good at until now.  She is nine and I am 34 and we have a very solid, good mother daughter relationship, and i check in with her feelings all of the time!!! and I don't feel guilty anymore after the day is over, because I feel that what you have taught me is the right way to raise children. And is the right way to feel, and the right way for her to live and be happy. I am not saying that i have perfected everything I do,  believe me I AM STILL STRUGGLING with other personal things, but I know how to figure out what is bothering me now, and I know how to verbalize them now, and I know how to help myself feel better by giving myself realistic choices to change my situation that will help me feel better.

The biggest thing that was bothering me was my daughter.  We would argue before she would go to bed,  she would say she couldn't go to sleep and I would say yes you can, your not trying. She would become really defensive.  And I would tell her she shouldn't talk to me that way, ect. And then she would go to bed upset with me. Many of our conversations went this way. I couldn't figure out why at the end of the day it bothered me so much. I kept thinking that is how my parents raised me.  Not once did I ever think that I might be causing the problem. A light bulb came on the day I read your online book, and my relationship with my daughter has completely changed.  I heard her friends tell her a couple of weeks ago, "Your mom is really cool!  She is so understanding."  My daughter didn't know I was there, and I heard her tell her friends, "I know."  I can't even begin to explain to you how that made me feel.  I feel like a good parent now, not just an ok parent on a downward slope.  Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.  Words are not enough.

Thank you for helping me get my feelings in check.  You helped me focus.  I can support my daughter better now.  Thank you, thank you.   
Thank you for creating eqi.org. In the last year I have become financially independent and succeeded in healing physically to a point where I feel ready to grow in new directions. I feel grateful and glad to have happened upon your site with so much personal insight and practical information. I hope that hearing thanks for your work will brighten your day, that's all. : )    
I wanted to thank you for the website you created and the work that your doing... When I was about 16, I started cutting myself. For a few years I stopped...things got better and I didn't feel depressed anymore.

I'm 21 now, and lately it seems like everything is going wrong. I want to hurt myself again, I've wanted to for awhile now and a few days ago I cut myself again for the first time in 3 years. I don't want to talk to anyone I know about it...it just worries them. I was feeling the urge to do it tonight. All of my failures and everything wrong in the world boiled at the top of my mind and I wanted to cut deeper this time. Instead...I decided to search the web to see if there was anything on there that might possibly help. (honestly, I didn't expect much)

Well...I found your website. I've felt really alone for awhile...it was comforting just to know that there is someone out there who truly cares and to know that I'm really not the only one. I feel like I am no longer alone...like I don't have to be perfect and it will be ok.

Thank you so much,.

Hi there!

I want to thank you, and I think I ought to tell you some of my story first so you can understand how much your site means to me.

I recently left a very abusive relationship at home with my family. It was physically abusive too but for the most part emotionally abusive. Since the physical abuse wasn't happening every day and I (despite having taken a few courses in psychology) really really REALLY didn't understand much about emotions much less emotional abuse(and barely do now), it took long to come to terms with my situation and leave. With the help of people from my university I was able to move out onto my school's residence.

I felt a lot freer. I get to keep my things out without fear of ridicule or someone stealing them or throwing them out. Same with not having peace broken unecessarily. Yet I still felt guilty. Some weeks into my new life I got insomnia. It was a bit of a leftover from staying up too late over the holidays but it stayed because I kept (and keep) dreaming about life back THERE and semi unconsciously wanted to avoid dreams of that place.

One of these nights I looked up emotional abuse, and since I wasn't interested in abuse in a romantic relationship, I clicked on your site. Just about every criteria for emotional abuse had been met! Wow. That helped me a lot, understanding that it WAS happening, first off, and naturally why I feel so confused and lost and depressed today. I'm in a bit of a daze since I left but reading things here has made me better in not feeling guilty.

They really should teach emotional intelligence in schools and there should be special attention spent on emotional abuse because I think once people understand emotional abuse they can understand the other abuses as well. Not that emotional abuse is any less, but so many of my friends really don't get it. I have to tell them the worst of the physical abuse before they agree that it was right that I considered leaving and did finally leave. Also I think that anyone in any kind of abusive relationship is being emotionally abused and many just sweep whatever abuse it is under the rug and so many jerks of the world get away with something kids think they deserve "for being bad".

I do wish I could help you some way. I have some private journal entries about the different abuses, if they can help other people understand they're not alone and abuse is not their fault, let me know!

Thanks again, A LOT.

Thank you for the great and helpful articles. I really appreciate your investment in the lives of others.

Gratefully yours,


Tiger Todd, Principal
Hero School
Las Vegas NV 89146
I need to tell you after years of searching, reading, and listening to books nothing has helped me any more than your information has.  It made me realize that I am so much worse than I really am and I truly need serious help.  I had no idea the depths of my problems from years and years of verbal abuse from a serious passive aggressive man.  Finally found a great therapist who seems to understand and helping me.  It was your article that showed me that I had to do more.  Also forward your article to tons of on-line support groups that I belong to and everyone is shocked and fascinated by your information....thank you


Hi there

This is not urgent. I just wanted to say thanks to Steve for writing down his thoughts and observations about emotional intelligence. I walk around sometimes (like today) wondering how I can become more intelligent, emotionally. I notice a lot, a lot, of dynamics among people. Am very sensitive, and sometimes that's a great thing, and sometimes it's not so great. I have been in a few serious relationships and try to learn from each one, and to improve. I found
eqi.org by doing a search online for 'managing disappointment in relationship'. It is just amazing to have someone articulate everything I've been thinking about. I'm 37 years old. Still searching and trying to do right by others, and by me. Thank you kindly. You have done a really good thing by spelling it out.

Erin (9/10)
I wish you many blessings to you and to yours and may the
God of your understanding bless you for putting this type of
information on the Internet !!!!!

Thank you for allowing me to actually feel there is hope
and answers to come, no matter their ' shape, size or way '!!

Joseph 10/10

Jan 2006


I came across your site as a result of a google query. I must say that I am touched, for your concern that teens be able to voice their opinions about the labels, and the way society currently treats teenagers and their emotions.
Although I am no longer a teenager, and I have never been a suicide case, I can relate to most emotions of those that you speak to. I know what it is to be left in the wake of a suicide, having lost 2 of my closest friends to it.
I decided to write you this short note to thank you, I am not even sure if your site is still active or updated, but from one human being to another, thank you for trying to understand instead of just labelling and drawing wrong conclusions about the younger generation of the human race.

Thank you for your time,
S. Stewart.