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well i spent the last 8 hours or so with these parents and their
fifteen year old.

they almost never gave her  a chance to speak. and when she did they
interrupted her more times than not. a lot of the times when she
started to say something they just talked over her and she gave up.

i am surprised she didnt get frustrated and just walk out. i dont know
if she was really aware of how many times they cut her off.

it was like so often when i talk to parents. they act as if their teen
is not even present.

after talking to, or rather listening to, the father i see almost no
chance of my ideas being supported in this town.

they just have to visit my web page to think im a revolutionary and i
will corrupt their innocent university bound virgins

this family had lived in the usa so we spoke in english the whole
time. so i understood every word. unlike with peruvian fathers who i
only understood about 80 percent, but that was plenty to depress me.

the daughter asked him to explain why she couldnt go to so and so place and
he gave this long evasive answer using one analogy after another like
about flowers not being able to grow in the garbage.

she kept saying papa listen to me and he just kept talking

he would say "nathalie", in this condescending tone - without even
looking at her. basically it was like everything she said had no
effect on him cuz he had already made up his mind.

he tried to control his older daughter when she was 15 to 18 and was
dating an older guy. the guy was 19 when she was 15. and he was
smoking pot. so the father tried to stop it. but she kept seeing him.
at 18 she moved in with him and stopped talking to the father for one
year.

so i would say it is pretty fucking obvious that his strategy of being
a controlling father didnt work. yet he seems to think it will work on
the fifteen year old now. she was obviously resentful of how she is
treated. she is mature enough to live on her own.

she gave me much more intelligent answers to my questions (when the
parents actually let her answer) than they did.

the father sounded like a tape recorder.

he just talked and talked and talked and she lost interest time and
time again and started watching tv. i kept trying to get her back in
the conversation and then her father would take over again and start a
new monologue.

it was almost like it was some kind of a play of a dysfunctional
family. it was so far from what i write about. it seemed almost
unreal, seriously. like she was living in the wrong place. with two
people from another planet.

she spoke up time and time again but finally got warn out and just watched tv.

i cant write about this in my journal cuz they could read it.

i wish i could take her out of there. i wish the laws would let her leave at 15.

im more and more convinced teens should be able to leave at 15 max. if not 14.

the parents should fund them till they are 18, thats fine with me. but
not be able to say as long as u live in my house u follow my rules. he
pulled that one on her once. i am sure she has heard it before.

he said when ur 18 u can do what u want. this is how parents abuse the
legal power given to them.

so his older daughter moved out as soon as she legally could. and then
didnt talk to him for a year.

but do u think he said "maybe i didnt handle things in the best way"?
no. instead he said now she is 27 and she says she should have
listened to him cuz she ended up breaking up with the guy after five
years and thinks she wasted those years. according to him anyhow, i
havent heard her side of the story directly.

so he thinks he is right. but the daughter doesnt realize if he would
have treated her with more respect when she was 12 - 15 she wouldnt
have started dating a guy who does drugs and if she did she would have
kept talking to him when she did move out.

so he had no influence on her from 15 -19 lets say. except a negative
influence while she lived at home cuz he said himself from 16 to 18
it was hell.

so i am sure they were fighting all the time. that didnt need to
happen. and what good did it do? she moved out anyhow.

he created the whole situation. and wasnt there for her when she
needed him. he said it was financially tough for her but she didnt
want to ask for help from him, and understandably so.

over and over the 15 year old today kept starting sentences and one or
both of them talked over her. i dont mean just 5 times or even 10 it
was like 20 or 30.

sometimes she would sit there and tap her foot while they talked.
sometimes she would argue with something they said and they would
usually just ignore it and keep talking.

i could see how much she resented it. but they couldnt. it was like
they were both blind and deaf.

most of the time though they werent looking at her so it wouldnt have
mattered if they were blind or not.

then later she was talking to the mother and i couldnt hear everything
but i could hear her saying "pero mama...." (but mother...) and the mother would cut her
off, sometimes actually laughing at her like "how silly!" or "how
cute!" as if a toddler was trying to walk and kept falling down.

i wish so much i would have had a video.

i would title it "why teens hate parents".

and subtitle it "Why the laws need to be changed"

she was already so bitter that she will destroy any and all
relationships she gets into. i can pretty much guarantee it.

--

so i had to write that and get it out and documented
i wish i could post it but i cant.
this town is too small.

but i will one day.