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S. Hein - Mar 2012
The other day I was feeling very destructive and full of hate. I thought about what it was that I hated and whether hate was a useful emotion. I concluded two things.
Later I came online and did some searches. Here is what I found:
Here are other links
I_Don't _Hate_Myself - Writing by a teen
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Intelligence | Empathy
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|I hate what they did to my
What this means is the people that punished me, controlled me, didn't understand me, abused me, lectured me, invalidated me, didn't listen to me, frightened me, intimidated me. There were too many people to list them or even remember them all. They included nearly everyone around me when I was growing up it seems. Teachers, parents, police, family, neighbords, classmates.
Pretty much the entire American system was bad for my brain so everyone a part of it damaged me to some degree I suppose. But not just the American system. It is the Christian, the Jewish, the Muslim system. All the so called Abrahamic religions which believe in punishment and hurting and killing people and forcing their ideas on others. And the British culture which influenced America. So very dysfunctional.
I have had so many problems in my life. Mostly relationship problems. I am so insecure. So afraid of abandonment for example. So afraid to express my needs when I am scared or stressed. I learned I can not depend on people to help me. All of this damaged my brain. I don't believe for one second that my brain was damaged genetically or something when I was born. No, instead I believe with a firm conviction my brain was damaged by the people around me for most of my life in the USA. So I hate the system that created the people who are a part of the system and I will keep using my hatred of it to try to change it and destroy it and replace it with something more healthy for the world.
This is one of the saddest things I have seen happen to teenagers. Parents cause the teens to hate themselves. How they do this is well documented now throughout this website.
So instead of trying to use their feelings of hatred to change the system which has damaged them, the teens nearly destroy, and sometimes totally destroy, themselves.