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Thin Line Between Need and Hate

It is often said there is a thin line between love and hate. I disagree. I say there is a thin line between need and hate.

I learned this with someone I was in a relationship with. She was the daughter of an alcoholic and a broken home. She had been physically, sexually and emotionally abused.

She used to profess her love for me, but when I didn't give her what she needed, she seemed to begin to hate me, or at least resent me.

I don't think we resent people we love. I think we accept them, forgive them.

So, yes, I think the thin line is between need and hate.

S. Hein
June 29, 2007
Paysandu, Uruguay


I wrote about this a little before on my page on romance..

The thin line is between need and hate, not between love and hate.

Here is what I said about this on my page about the Mayer Salovey model of EI

April 2006 Note about love, need, and hate

In their model they say: Ability to understand complex feelings: simultaneous feelings of love and hate... " but I'd say that it would be more accurate to say "need and hate." When we need someone and they aren't doing what we want or aren't giving us what we need, we may start to feel hatred towards them. But this is based on our need for love from them. Not the love we feel for them. I don't agree that we can love and hate someone at the same time. I think the hate temporarily displaces the love. But I do believe we can need them and hate them at the same time.


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A teen wrote in one of her online journals

You can only be hurt by the person you love.

But I would like to say that I think it is more accurate to say by the person you need.

SH March 2012