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> From: tadlington
> Date: Wed, 30 Apr 2014 17:58:03 -0600
> Subject: Re: ps
> To: stevehein
> hey steve!
> you're so kind! thanks for reaching out. I love Nash. I'd be so
> delighted if you made a page about me. I love your technique.
> simplified and really clear.
> also - it's Tad Hargrave not Ted Hargraves :-)
> warmest,
> tad
> On Wed, Apr 30, 2014 at 3:26 PM, steve hein

> > btw i have made a page for my site on nash ryker. and i am thinking of making one on u too. i mention u on that page...
> >
> > here is that page..
> >
> > www.eqi.org/p3/nash_ryker.htm
> >
> > also i have studied a lot about NVC and have my own ideas about it. i have been looking at these pages of yours... and my partner and i are making notes about them... a lot of rosenberg's ideas are very similar to mine and i learned a lot from him
> >
> > https://www.facebook.com/notes/tad-hargrave/20-premises-about-needs-non-violent-communication-thought-3/52035569031
> > https://www.facebook.com/notes/tad-hargrave/17-premises-about-feelings-non-violent-communication-thought-2/52034099031
> >
> > not sure if i showed u this in my last email but in case i didn't here it is...
> >
> > a very simplified way of managing feelings and unmet needs...
> >
> > www.eqi.org/hpet/

> >
> > id like your feedback on it if you are willing to give it as they say nvc.
> > i also like to ask questions this way instead of just "are you willing".....how would you feel about giving me feedback on it?
> >
> > not many people talk at all like this.. i'd like to help spread the idea around so i feel kind of encouraged that u are familiar with nvc.
> >
> > s.
> >
> >
> --
> warmest,
> tad
> www.marketingforhippies.com
> www.thelocalgood.ca

> Twitter: https://twitter.com/TadHargrave and https://twitter.com/LocalGoodYEG

> FB Page: facebook.com/hippymarketer

> Music I Like: www.8tracks.com/tadlington

(Please consider the environment before printing this email - Thank You!)

Hi Barbara

You are welcome. I am glad you felt relieved.

Also, I have added your comments to my H Pet page. I edited the punctuation and one part where it seemed a word was missing or something, so if you want, you could look at it and see if it still flows the way you intended it to if you want to double check it.


I am getting a lot of positive feedback actually and feeling more confident about showing it to people.

I still feel very discouraged some days, usually when I lay in bed and look at the internet. I feel so powerless, so unimportant, so uninfluential, so unacknowledge etc. So I am trying to pretty much force myself to get out and do things in the local community. There have been several teen suicides in nearby villages and I am feeling determined to try to do something about it, as much as I can. Yesterday I had a small breakthrough it seems because I had a good, long talk with a woman about my age who nearly killed herself 3 years ago. She is an English teacher here but now works in the offices at a local high school. She invited me to go to her office today and talk more about my thoughts on suicide prevention, and she seemed to understand nearly everything I told her yesterday.

I told her about this story. I want to share it with you and my readers because as I write this I am thinking I will post this part of our mail exchange on my site somewhere. I don't really want to post an article to my site or reply to some of my other mail. Writing to you right now just feels like the right thing to do, but it also feels right to share this with some of my readers who might happen to come to this page.

Anyhow here is the story. It nearly makes me cry now to remember it... It is about the importance of learning to be a good listener.


It is very painful to look at that story right now. My eyes are filled with tears.

But I will just keep working, stay on my painful path, we might say.

I know so much about teen suicide.... I need to tell others, whoever I can and whoever will listen....

By the way, I told this teacher here about the idea of an enlightened witness, thank you for reminding me of the importance of it.

She and I agreed that one person, at the right time in a person's life, can literally save a life. If the abuse is ongoing, the enlightened witness is needed at least until the person can get away from the abuse.

I think now though of how I wrote a while back that it is hard to heal when I keep getting wounded. It seems to be literally true that I can not go through one day without feeling pain from at leaast one thing, and usually there are many. So I need these enlightened witnesses myself on an almost daily basis. For me P is that person. She understands. She cares. She listens. And even though we are not physically together, I feel connected to her still. At the same time I need to strengthen my own emotional support network, so to speak. I am too dependent on her and one young person who I have been helping get away from her emotionally abusive mother. You can read a little about that here. This is the public link.


And this is the private one... __________

By the way, could you take a look at this person's webpage and give me your first impressions? She just wrote me the other day and seems very passionate. She is living in Mexico. I am hoping to talk to her by phone or skype as soon as today.


A hug to you Barbara.

letter to m____

hi m

right now i am feeling a lot of pain. i feel very discouraged. i have been reading about the ____ place and the people who started it.

my beliefs about pain and healing are very different.

i feel afraid that you and i will have a fatal conflict about our beliefs. by fatal i mean it will kill our new, infant, connection. by infant i mean it is something that has just been born, and hasn't had time to grow.

now i think to myself "I dont want to abort this baby" - i dont want to murder it, or be responsible for its death

i am really crying now as i write this.

i need connections so badly it is almost a matter of life and death for me. and i am not even sure it is "almost" - maybe it is more accurate to just say it "is" a matter of life and death. i have been in so much pain for so long

and i feel a need to tell you that when i think of being in a place like ____ and being around the people there, i feel worse. i have been there, done that, so to speak. it is not for me. not by a long shot.

i feel a lot of pain from the types of things being done there and other similar places. i dont know how much u are interested in my pain or how happy or satisfied or fulfilled u are there.

but i also read a little on the gloria ____ and wasn't impressed. all of those people, to me are much too "happy" and interested in promoting themselves and making money. more money than they already have. and when i see that ____ is even asking for donattions on their home page....

i don't know how you are feeling right now. i invite you to tell me with
feeling words if you want

my ideas and beliefs are so so different. i am so different. probably different than anyone you have ever met.

i dont do this work for money. i do it to save lives. not to heal damaged adults. that is not my passion, my mission. i am happy if my work helps some adults but that is not my "calling"

i do this to save the lives of sensitive, intelligent, abused teenagers.

i would like to share more of myself and my work and beliefs with you. i would like it very much. but i feel this need to be very direct with you. it truly pains me too much to stay silent when i see something like i have seen in the time i spent reading before i started this mail to you.

i dont know if you feel a need to be "saved" but i would feel good if i could "save" you from those people.

i hope that you are differet. that you are open. that you care about people, young people, children and abused teenagers as i do. i hope that you are not yet a parent...

i hope it is not too late....

i am afraid i am being too honest.. but i will mail this, before i change my mind.


for those who are open to my strong anti-new age feelings... here is a link to and old page on "new age" --

i am feeling weak now. alone. afraid i have killed the baby. yet... i feel pulled, driven. like the lady in switzerland who told me she started the animal therapy place for children and teens because it was like she was on some kind of train track - just taking her in the direction of the tracks. she wasnt really in control. she was just moving along the tracks.

i can strongly relate to that. i dont understand everything. but i know how i feel. i know my past. i know that things keep me on this path or this train track.

i told daniela yesterday - the english teacher, mother of ernesto, that i don't understand everything, but i know that nothing i have heard makes sense to me. the new age stuff definitely doesnt make sense. and i have seen what it did to people like heidi

It's not a belief. It's a fact.

ok. ok. ok.

And goodbye. It is time for me to move to the next station on my journey. I learned enough from you. Thank you, I guess, for that insight. Yet I don't really feel appreciative. No, what I really feel is pain. Pain for Heidi. Who did nothing to "deserve" having Mary as her mother.... And I feel pain for the countless other children and teenagers who are forced by law to stay under the control of people like Mary. They are ot free. Why aren't they free? Why did some men, and I can feel pretty sure it was some men, decide to make a law that says some human beings are going to be controlled till they have lived 18 years, if they make it that far, by the people who had a single act of sex to bring them into the world. That's it. That is all the law basically says. It doesn't address anything before or after the sex act. It just says, ok, so you, the male, got you the female, pregnant. Now we will use the full power of our force, ie the police, border control authorities, jails etc, to grant you what we cal "legal power" over that new human being until it has reached, (again *if* it reaches) the age of 18. From that point on we will be the only ones who have legal power over it.


ok so i got that "off my chest" - i released some of the pain or whatever.

now i am thinking of malula again. wondering if i will hear from her again or what... if not, ok. i ask amy if she is ok with that.. she says yes. she will feel sad but she understands. she wants to get back in the train. as it is about to pull away from the station, which means i have some other things i want to do right now. for myself, for amy, for the teens.

amy told me that she knows i want to make some more "business" type connctions but she will still love me and support me if i dont. she tells me the tracks are going in the right direction. i trust the tracks. i tell her she is sounding a bit spiritual haha. she laughs. i say you are reminding me of wacky angela. she laughs. i love amy. she sais ilu2.

amy is my amygdala in case u dont know... we make a pretty good team when we are working together...ie if i listen to her. she says yeah, and dont forget it. haha. she can be a bit annoying sometimes.. lol. but oh well we are kind of stuck together as the saying goes. so i try to learn to live with her. and i have found, if i keep her happy, then i am happy. i guess it works ok really. she seems to have my best interest at heart really. not like the government and so many others who say everything is for my own good. no, with amy, i think she really does have my best interest at heart.

so -- back to the plan. of going to rosario.. to talk to daniela...