Talking about Feelings
A real story from Laura and I

This morning Laura and I were talking about something that happened last night. We had a fight about something and I felt very bad. I got quiet for about a half hour. I just couldn't talk. I felt dead. Without hope. I was trapped in my thoughts. She begged me to speak, but I just couldn't.

She tried many times to help me say something, but I just couldn't do it. She asked me, "How can I help you?" – a question which I recommend in my writings and which I taught to her, but I still not even one word could leave my mouth. Then she started to cry and then said, "I feel rejected. I feel punished."

She didn't attack me. She didn't criticize me. She didn't yell at me. She just told me how she felt. This helped me feel empathy for her instead of feeling defensive and worse. I didn't want her to feel those things. So I got closer to her and she hugged me. Then we started to talk.

Her ability to express her feelings with direct and succinct feeling words helped us a lot. This is one of the things that I would like them to teach in schools. I have no doubt that this ability is something that 1) we could teach and learn and 2) could help us avoid many fights and much suffering.

S. Hein
January 27, 2006
Jujuy, Argentina

Main Page on emotional literacy

Hablando de sentimientos
Una histora real de Laura y yo

Esta ma�ana Laura y yo est�bamos conversando de algo que pas� anoche. Tuvimos una discusi�n y me sent� muy mal. Me qued� callado por algo como una media hora. No podr�a hablar. Me sent� muerto. Sin esperanza. Estaba atrapado en mis pensamientos. Ella me suplic� hablar, pero no podr�a.

Ella intent� muchas veces de ayudarme hablar, pero yo no podr�a hablar para nada. Ella me pregunto, "C�mo puedo ayudarte", una pregunta que recomiendo en mis escritos y que ense�� a ella, pero todav�a ni una palabra pudo salir de mi boca. Entonces ella empez� a llorar y luego me dijo, "Me siento rechazada. Me siento castigada."

No me atac�. No me critic�. No me grit�. S�lo me dijo como se sent�a. Eso me ayud� a sentir empat�a para ella en vez de sentir defensiva y peor. me acerqu� y ella me abraz�. Entonces empezamos a conversar.

Su habilidad de expresar sus sentimientos as�, con palabras directas y sucintas, nos ayudo mucho. Este es una cosa que quiero que ense�en en las escuelas. No tengo ninguna duda que esta habilidad es algo que 1) podemos ense�ar y aprender y 2) puede ayudar evitar muchas peleas y mucho sufrimiento.

S. Hein
Enero 27, 2006
Jujuy, Argentina

P�gina principal sobre alfabetizaci�n emocional