Emotional Intelligence | Main Page on FLWT
An example of four letter word therapy
This is a journal entry from a 14 year old (CC) in the USA:
Excerpt..
...if your a dumbass and you dont like teens and you look down on
people who are depressed and you expect everyone to be super happy,
dont get into a fucking field where you deal with depressed anxious
crazy people.
--
i hate my therapists advice. i fucking hate the "just be
happy." if it
was that fucking easy i wouldnt be upset now would i? if it was
as
simple as just randomly becoming happy then i wouldnt cry. no one
would ever be upset. its not just a decision that you make and
you
suddenly become happy. its not even a decision that you make then
you
slowly become happy. its a whole slew of big and small things
that you
need to do that are fucking hard and take effort and time and you
very
gradually become just okay. and whole slew is an understatement.
the "yeah, its gonna be hard. but just work through it"
one sucks too.
once again, if it was that easy i wouldnt be whining about it.
its not
just decide to work through it and its one task. and if it was
big
enough for me to bring up in the once every other month half an
hour
appointment, i think it deserves bigger advice than "just
work through
it."
the one that gets me mad is the "just do it. itll be okay.
it wont
turn out like you think it will." does she honestly expect
me to be
like, oh really? okay thanks! im not afraid at all now! i tell
her i
am completely convinced that it wont be okay, that i absolutely
know
itll turn out bad, and she just tells me it wont. we like debate
over
it. its stupid. her saying it wont be like that isnt going to
change
my mind. and regardless if she thinks the same thing as me, isnt
she
supposed to help me feel better about it? not just debate me? i
would
understand if she gave me reasons why it would be okay or tips to
push
through it or something, but all she ever says is itll be okay
and
thats not whats gonna happen.
ackkk. i hate her replies to the stuff i say. she never ever says
anything or suggests anything to help me. the most i get out of a
huge
rant about something is a one sentence reply that makes me seem
stupid
for being upset. its stupid. ive been going to her since last
year and
she hasnt given me one thing to do to feel better. i basically
just go
down there to rant and have her "check" on me. which
just consists of
her asking if i want to hurt myself. which is stupid because if i
really wanted to i dont think id tell her, considering shed put
me in
a mental hospital because its required.
i hate that phrase. hurt yourself. she uses it too much. so did
the
doctors when i tried to ctb (catch the bus ie kill herself).
its like they're trying to make slashing
your skin open and downing pills and hanging sound like you got a
boo
boo from the swings. and its too vague. it counts for both
cutting and
ctb, which is stupid. just shows how much therapists know,
though.
theyre all convinced if anyone under the age of 18 tries to ctb
theyre
just looking to get out of the pain and dont want to actually
die, or
they dont understand that if they're dead, they're dead. unless
its a
spur of the moment thing, like getting dumped, teens understand
that
dying=dying. its not too hard of a concept to grasp. ugh.
i cant stop thinking about how my therapist kicked me out of the
anxiety group. i went fucking two times. she knows i am extremely
extremely socially anxious. yet she expected me to go to an hour
long
group two times and be cured of all my worries. the first time i
went
i didnt say a word, except for when the leader forced me to
answer
what the worst thing about myself was because he's a total dick
and a
complete dumbass. great first question for the girl thats pale
and
shaking just from being in the same room with new people, have
her
announce what the worst thing about her is. i started bawling and
told
him 10 times i didnt wanna answer and he finally gave up. second
time
i went i talked a little more. we just did stupid coping skills,
like
showering and drawing, for the whole hour. and i named some.
which is
like a miracle for me. and they kick me out for being
disrespectful
because i didnt talk. what the fuck. theyre so arrogent and
stupid
they think that one time of being in the group i should be able
to
shout out tons of answers and talk all about my life and shit.
god
that pisses me off so bad. they dont know shit about therapy.
they
dont know shit about why people feel the way they do. they dont
know
shit about anything that has to do with psycology. and what they
think
they know is completely wrong.
ack. if your a dumbass and you dont like teens and you look down
on
people who are depressed and you expect everyone to be super
happy,
dont get into a fucking field where you deal with depressed
anxious
crazy people.
Below is Cara's letter to CC
CC,
I read your list. The five reasons you should die. And you know what.... You’re fucking right about most of it.
Martin Luther King. Mother fucking Theresa. Hell, if we are gonna go all “loveinaction.org” Jesus son of the Big Guy. But either way, no matter who the fuck inspires you, they’re gone but the good shit they did is still here because they knew that something does matter. And maybe it’s the copout “right thing” to do that matters, but I doubt it. But the reason we keep on living is because the meaning of being alive is leading a meaningful life for you.
If you can get just five people to stop eating meat, wearing leather, using animal-tested cosmetics, wouldn’t that give you meaning. Think of the number of animals that would we saved just by those five people.
You know that something matters and of course you fucking know it and I know that you do because if you didn’t know it then you WOULDN’T CARE. But you do. And all that you need to do is care about anything and then you have a reason.
CC in a way you are my fucking reason, I know that’s totally illogical because we haven’t even spoken online but it’s true. I care because even though I don’t know how you feel because I can never be you I know what it’s like to want to push the knife til it reaches your bone and I know the feeling of just wanting to go into early retirement (er) from it all. You say ctb, I say er. And I need to keep you alive until you don’t want to anymore because even if you are fucking miserable for another year there comes a point where it starts not to hurt so much and you start to care again.
You will think I am a total ignorant idiot when you read this but in a way I would be worried if you didn’t because I know how I felt when people told me it would get better. And this won’t help in the fucking slightest me saying this to you and I know it because it’s a cop out but you just have to get to this place all by yourself. So all I can say to you is please, don’t catch the bus just yet. Fuck, you can catch the plane to New Zealand instead. I know how much fucking good you can do and how much you still have to think and know and the point of the whole fucking ride is that by the end you know why you were on here to begin with. And I don’t think you’re ready to get off yet. I don’t think you’ve found your reason. Please don’t die.
Fuck your ex-best-friends. They are fucking retards and I hope they die, I truly do, because people like that will end up kicking their own teens out and making them end up like me.
It feels so good to not feel like shit every day and not want to hang yourself and just say FUCK YOU ALL I DON’T FUCKING CARE ANYMORE I AM WHO I FUCKING WANT TO BE AND IF I LIKE TO SAY FUCK A LOT THEN WHO ARE YOU TO STOP ME LOL and you can’t say to anyone that if you are gone. So all I’m saying is you have a fucking reason and that is to fin d a reason. Fuck fuck fuck.
Infinite swearwords,
- Cara