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Using Feeling Words In A Relationship
It is said you teach what you most need to learn - and that is why I teach about how to express negative feelings in a healthy, constructive way. I don't always do this myself, but I can still teach the concept and principles.
My partner does a better job of applying my ideas, fortunately for me....
I say fortunately because if she didn't we probaby would have broken up by now because I am so sensitive to criticism and verbal attacks or disapproval and judgment of any kind. It would hurt to much to hear her express her negative feelings in the "normal" ways, so I would probaby have ended the relationship one way or another.
In any case, here is what I wanted to show you from our real life. I won't give all the background now because I feel pressed for time but here is an email she sent me:
i just read that again.. and started to cry....
which is my point actually - though i didn't plan this... i planned to say i didn't feel attacked when read the mail... i felt more empathy, understanding and compassion - and guilt. deserved guilt. see note
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|While texting my partner I thoght "I need to forgive myself quickly so I can listen to her" ie focus on her pain etc.|
Jan 22, 2012