The Expert

EQI.org Home \| Society The Expert This is an email I got from Anna R who was 14, almost 15 at the time she wrote this. I am going to leave it just as she typed it for now.... I want to post it before I somehow forget to do it. It is about the advice of a child psychologist. - an "Expert" S. Hein June, 2004 Quito, Ecuador -- hey, i wanted to tell you about this programme which really frustrated and upset me cause i thought it was wrong. it was this programme called little angles and it was on so i watched it and it was this family a mum, dad and 3 sons, 1 son they didn’t mention really at all the others were Luke and Elliot. Luke was i think 5 and Elliot was 3. the parents were finding it hard to cope because there children weren’t very well behaved. which is kind of unfair cause there basing how their children behave on how they think they should behave which isn't that fair on their children, I mean it might not be right for them but anyway, the 5 year old would get angry and sometimes throw stuff or get into a fight with Elliot or spit and just be like kinda rude, and Elliot would have a lot of what they called temper tantrums. so they got this so called expert lady in who really pissed me off!!. She suggested for Luke they made a chart for him. it was split into days of the week and for each day there were four blocks for a certain time period of the day if he was good he got a sticker if he was bad he got a unhappy face and if he throw stuff or hit someone he got a big cross. and i thought that was harsh cause ur making a child's days revolve around a chart, thats not letting him be free to have fun. hes got the weight of a chart on him and i just thought that’s not very fair, and Elliot’s was even whose i thought wht she said for him was seriously wrong!!! and it just really upset me. she said if he has a temper tantrum then say "Elliot no" in a calm voice then if he continues say "Elliot no" in a stern voice then if he continues pick him up and take him to a room preferably a boring one that has no distractions sit him down and leave him in there for 3 minutes. this is the worst bit.... she said if he tries to get out u have to hold the door handle down so he can't get out. i seriously think thats messed up. how would they feel if they where being locked in a room and couldn't get out? hed probly be scared and feel really upset and alone and unwanted and just left there on his own i was like crying cause thats so horrible i wanted to go in there and help him give him the biggest hug. i mean how is that gonna help him? hes gonna be filled with like loads of negative feelings. i meen if that was me id be so hurt id feel really empty and alone and u know that would just make me hate my parents even more, i meen ur driving ur kids away by doing that, y wld u wana be around someone who locks u in a room!!! and then the so called professional was like " its not abuse" i was like fucking hell!! really???? hello!! lol sorry its just really pissed me off. locking someone in a room isnt abusive!!!?? i think it is!! and hes like 5 that will leave an impression in him. they really wern't thinking about how there children would feel they just wanted to go out in the evenings so they got this crap women in. such a twat!! sorry my language is shit. it just really had an effect on me.	EQI.org Home Page Core Components of EQI.org Other EQI.org Topics: Emotional Intelligence \| Empathy Emotional Abuse \| Understanding Emotional Literacy \| Feeling Words Respect \| Parenting \| Caring Listening \| Invalidation \| Hugs Depression \|Education Personal Growth Search EQI.org \| Support EQI.org EQI.org Library and Bookstore Online Consulting, Counseling Coaching from EQI.org


Later we chatted. My friend added this.... strawberry gashes kiss my soul says: i really felt like screaming, because im sorry but, no, you can't do that to ur kids. how can u do that!! i don't understand how anyone could do that. i cant find a word powerful enuf to describe how absolutly fucked up that is seriously. they're like ripping their childrens souls and hearts and feelings there is absolutly nothing that was even close to like right or ok in what she said there is no way that any of that could help their children!! i really wanted to be in the room with elliot when he was crying & trying to pull open the door but she pulled it the other way. i wanted to give him the biggest hug and tell him it would be ok and wipe away his tears and just talk to him. Hes not being listened to or even being considered
Now keep in mind my friend is not yet 15 years old. But she knows more about how to help a child than a so called "expert". When I am depressed she is someone I can talk to. She sends me hugs at just the right time. She is an emotional genius, in my opinion. So who is really the expert? The 14 year old or the child psychologist? Who would Elliot be more likely to respond positively to? My young friend is so naturally gifted. I hope she never studies psychology in a university. I am afraid, and nearly sure, she will just be talked out of her natural emotional instincts on how to help children. She is a perfect example of what I have seen in 12, 13 and 14 year olds. So far though, as I have watched them grow up they consistently stop caring about children and other human beings. They think of getting good grades and jobs that will earn them money. This is what society and the educational system values. So they become more selfish, more intellectual. They become worse listeners. Thye forget about the value of silent hugs. I have seen it over and over. About all I can do is write about these things. And keep trying to find people like my friend and keep trying to help them believe in themselves. When I tell Anna "I love who you are" she said almost always says "really?", since she doesn't feel sufficiently valued or loved by her family or the people who are constantly judging her at school (by evaluating her/giving her grades). On the day of this chat I asked her how much she liked herself from 0 to 10, she said 3. Maybe later I will write some of what she said to explain, but for now I just want to say that this person is not valued for who she is in her school or in her family. Therefore, she doesn't see her own beauty. This is something else I see over and over. But my friend's reaction to this "expert" shows me how beautiful she is inside and how much she has to offer the children of the world. I only wish more people could see it. And I wish the laws would give her the freedom to go someplace where she is loved, appreciated, supported and valued. But unfortunately, she is another teenage prisoner to her family, school and country until she reaches some arbitrary age. She is a prisoner even though she has committed no crime. Unless it is a crime to be what is called a "minor." Yet even though she is "just a child" herself, according to many so called experts, I would much rather trust my emotional well-being, or that of anyone I loved, to this "minor" -- who is indeed being treated as if she is of minor value to the world -- than to the so called "expert". S. Hein June 9, 2004
Feb 2005 note: Looking back on our chat I see that on reading what Anna wrote about this "expert" I told her I was afraid she would lose what she already knew if she studied psyhology for example, because they would fill her head with all kinds of theories, data, statistics etc. If my prediction is correct the world will lose forever the natural emotional genious of this extrordinary person. 2011 Note - As far as I know Anna did go to a university and I have not heard from her again, as is so often the case. This is why I sometimes call universities "the black hole".

EQI.org Home \| Society The Expert This is an email I got from Anna R who was 14, almost 15 at the time she wrote this. I am going to leave it just as she typed it for now.... I want to post it before I somehow forget to do it. It is about the advice of a child psychologist. - an "Expert" S. Hein June, 2004 Quito, Ecuador -- hey, i wanted to tell you about this programme which really frustrated and upset me cause i thought it was wrong. it was this programme called little angles and it was on so i watched it and it was this family a mum, dad and 3 sons, 1 son they didn’t mention really at all the others were Luke and Elliot. Luke was i think 5 and Elliot was 3. the parents were finding it hard to cope because there children weren’t very well behaved. which is kind of unfair cause there basing how their children behave on how they think they should behave which isn't that fair on their children, I mean it might not be right for them but anyway, the 5 year old would get angry and sometimes throw stuff or get into a fight with Elliot or spit and just be like kinda rude, and Elliot would have a lot of what they called temper tantrums. so they got this so called expert lady in who really pissed me off!!. She suggested for Luke they made a chart for him. it was split into days of the week and for each day there were four blocks for a certain time period of the day if he was good he got a sticker if he was bad he got a unhappy face and if he throw stuff or hit someone he got a big cross. and i thought that was harsh cause ur making a child's days revolve around a chart, thats not letting him be free to have fun. hes got the weight of a chart on him and i just thought that’s not very fair, and Elliot’s was even whose i thought wht she said for him was seriously wrong!!! and it just really upset me. she said if he has a temper tantrum then say "Elliot no" in a calm voice then if he continues say "Elliot no" in a stern voice then if he continues pick him up and take him to a room preferably a boring one that has no distractions sit him down and leave him in there for 3 minutes. this is the worst bit.... she said if he tries to get out u have to hold the door handle down so he can't get out. i seriously think thats messed up. how would they feel if they where being locked in a room and couldn't get out? hed probly be scared and feel really upset and alone and unwanted and just left there on his own i was like crying cause thats so horrible i wanted to go in there and help him give him the biggest hug. i mean how is that gonna help him? hes gonna be filled with like loads of negative feelings. i meen if that was me id be so hurt id feel really empty and alone and u know that would just make me hate my parents even more, i meen ur driving ur kids away by doing that, y wld u wana be around someone who locks u in a room!!! and then the so called professional was like " its not abuse" i was like fucking hell!! really???? hello!! lol sorry its just really pissed me off. locking someone in a room isnt abusive!!!?? i think it is!! and hes like 5 that will leave an impression in him. they really wern't thinking about how there children would feel they just wanted to go out in the evenings so they got this crap women in. such a twat!! sorry my language is shit. it just really had an effect on me.	EQI.org Home Page Core Components of EQI.org Other EQI.org Topics: Emotional Intelligence \| Empathy Emotional Abuse \| Understanding Emotional Literacy \| Feeling Words Respect \| Parenting \| Caring Listening \| Invalidation \| Hugs Depression \|Education Personal Growth Search EQI.org \| Support EQI.org EQI.org Library and Bookstore Online Consulting, Counseling Coaching from EQI.org


Later we chatted. My friend added this.... strawberry gashes kiss my soul says: i really felt like screaming, because im sorry but, no, you can't do that to ur kids. how can u do that!! i don't understand how anyone could do that. i cant find a word powerful enuf to describe how absolutly fucked up that is seriously. they're like ripping their childrens souls and hearts and feelings there is absolutly nothing that was even close to like right or ok in what she said there is no way that any of that could help their children!! i really wanted to be in the room with elliot when he was crying & trying to pull open the door but she pulled it the other way. i wanted to give him the biggest hug and tell him it would be ok and wipe away his tears and just talk to him. Hes not being listened to or even being considered
Now keep in mind my friend is not yet 15 years old. But she knows more about how to help a child than a so called "expert". When I am depressed she is someone I can talk to. She sends me hugs at just the right time. She is an emotional genius, in my opinion. So who is really the expert? The 14 year old or the child psychologist? Who would Elliot be more likely to respond positively to? My young friend is so naturally gifted. I hope she never studies psychology in a university. I am afraid, and nearly sure, she will just be talked out of her natural emotional instincts on how to help children. She is a perfect example of what I have seen in 12, 13 and 14 year olds. So far though, as I have watched them grow up they consistently stop caring about children and other human beings. They think of getting good grades and jobs that will earn them money. This is what society and the educational system values. So they become more selfish, more intellectual. They become worse listeners. Thye forget about the value of silent hugs. I have seen it over and over. About all I can do is write about these things. And keep trying to find people like my friend and keep trying to help them believe in themselves. When I tell Anna "I love who you are" she said almost always says "really?", since she doesn't feel sufficiently valued or loved by her family or the people who are constantly judging her at school (by evaluating her/giving her grades). On the day of this chat I asked her how much she liked herself from 0 to 10, she said 3. Maybe later I will write some of what she said to explain, but for now I just want to say that this person is not valued for who she is in her school or in her family. Therefore, she doesn't see her own beauty. This is something else I see over and over. But my friend's reaction to this "expert" shows me how beautiful she is inside and how much she has to offer the children of the world. I only wish more people could see it. And I wish the laws would give her the freedom to go someplace where she is loved, appreciated, supported and valued. But unfortunately, she is another teenage prisoner to her family, school and country until she reaches some arbitrary age. She is a prisoner even though she has committed no crime. Unless it is a crime to be what is called a "minor." Yet even though she is "just a child" herself, according to many so called experts, I would much rather trust my emotional well-being, or that of anyone I loved, to this "minor" -- who is indeed being treated as if she is of minor value to the world -- than to the so called "expert". S. Hein June 9, 2004
Feb 2005 note: Looking back on our chat I see that on reading what Anna wrote about this "expert" I told her I was afraid she would lose what she already knew if she studied psyhology for example, because they would fill her head with all kinds of theories, data, statistics etc. If my prediction is correct the world will lose forever the natural emotional genious of this extrordinary person. 2011 Note - As far as I know Anna did go to a university and I have not heard from her again, as is so often the case. This is why I sometimes call universities "the black hole".