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This is an email I got from Anna R who was 14, almost 15 at the time she wrote this. I am going to leave it just as she typed it for now.... I want to post it before I somehow forget to do it.
It is about the advice of a child psychologist. - an "Expert"
i wanted to tell you about this programme which really frustrated and upset me cause i thought it was wrong.
it was this programme called little angles and it was
on so i watched it
and i thought that was harsh cause ur making a
hes got the weight of a chart on him and i just
thought thats not very fair,
hed probly be scared and feel really upset and alone and unwanted and just left there on his own
i was like crying cause thats so horrible
i wanted to go in there and help him give him the
and u know that would just make me hate my parents
even more, i meen ur driving ur kids away by doing that,
i was like fucking hell!! really???? hello!! lol
such a twat!! sorry my language is shit. it just
really had an effect on me.
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Later we chatted. My friend added this....
Now keep in mind my friend is not yet 15 years old. But she knows more about how to help a child than a so called "expert". When I am depressed she is someone I can talk to. She sends me hugs at just the right time. She is an emotional genius, in my opinion.
So who is really the expert? The 14 year old or the child psychologist? Who would Elliot be more likely to respond positively to?
My young friend is so naturally gifted. I hope she never studies psychology in a university. I am afraid, and nearly sure, she will just be talked out of her natural emotional instincts on how to help children. She is a perfect example of what I have seen in 12, 13 and 14 year olds.
So far though, as I have watched them grow up they consistently stop caring about children and other human beings. They think of getting good grades and jobs that will earn them money. This is what society and the educational system values. So they become more selfish, more intellectual. They become worse listeners. Thye forget about the value of silent hugs. I have seen it over and over.
About all I can do is write about these things. And keep trying to find people like my friend and keep trying to help them believe in themselves. When I tell Anna "I love who you are" she said almost always says "really?", since she doesn't feel sufficiently valued or loved by her family or the people who are constantly judging her at school (by evaluating her/giving her grades). On the day of this chat I asked her how much she liked herself from 0 to 10, she said 3. Maybe later I will write some of what she said to explain, but for now I just want to say that this person is not valued for who she is in her school or in her family. Therefore, she doesn't see her own beauty. This is something else I see over and over.
But my friend's reaction to this "expert" shows me how beautiful she is inside and how much she has to offer the children of the world. I only wish more people could see it. And I wish the laws would give her the freedom to go someplace where she is loved, appreciated, supported and valued. But unfortunately, she is another teenage prisoner to her family, school and country until she reaches some arbitrary age. She is a prisoner even though she has committed no crime.
Unless it is a crime to be what is called a "minor."
Yet even though she is "just a child" herself, according to many so called experts, I would much rather trust my emotional well-being, or that of anyone I loved, to this "minor" -- who is indeed being treated as if she is of minor value to the world -- than to the so called "expert".
Feb 2005 note:
Looking back on our chat I see that on reading what Anna wrote about this "expert" I told her I was afraid she would lose what she already knew if she studied psyhology for example, because they would fill her head with all kinds of theories, data, statistics etc. If my prediction is correct the world will lose forever the natural emotional genious of this extrordinary person.
2011 Note - As far as I know Anna did go to a university and I have not heard from her again, as is so often the case. This is why I sometimes call universities "the black hole".