Emotional Intelligence | Stevehein.com

Bite Me!
Ways of Expressing Resentment

Introduction

Back around Feb of 2004 I started this file. I wrote....

I have been helping teach English recently. I have also been feeling resentful about various things. This got me started thinking about all the idiomatic ways of expressing resentment in English. There are many commands, such as "Bite me", and there are many forms of sarcasm, such as "Oh, joy." As the saying goes, "Saracasm is anger in disguise."

As I think about the countries I have visited I wonder if there is more resentment, more sarcasm in places like the USA and England. This is where I have noticed these kinds of comments the most.

Anyhow, here is the list so far. If you have contributions please write me

Commands

Bite me.

Get a life.

Get fucked.

Get lost.

Go fuck yourself.

Go jump in the lake.

Go to hell.

Fuck off .

Fuck you.

Kiss my ass.

Kiss off.

Leave me alone.

Leave me the fuck alone.

Leave me the hell alone.

Mind your own business.

Mind your own damn business.

Mind your own God damn business.

Mind your own fucking business.

Piss off.

Stick it.

Stick it up your ass.

Stick it where the sun don't shine.

Suck my dick.

Take a hike.

Notes on the list of commands

In this list are commands used by those who feel resentful in an attempt to order someone else to do something. This suggests that we feel resentful when others try to control us. We then want to take back control, so we try to control them. This in turn probably creates more resentment in the world.

Something else we typically do is label people, which probably also creates more resentment

Labeling with "You" statements

Here are a few "you" statements to express resentment.

You asshole.

You bastard.

You bitch.

You cocksucker.

You cunt.

You dick.

You dickhead.

You dipshit.

You idiot.

You halfwit.

You twat.

You twerp.

You stupid mother fucker.

You imbecile.

You jerk.

You moron.

You prick.

You pussy.

You wus.

You wussy.

Sarcasm

Here are just a very few sarcastic expressions. Often the sarcasm can only be identified by the tone of voice or the context.

Oh great.

Oh joy

Oh wonderful

Oh isn't that just peachy?

Thanks a lot

Thanks a hell of a lot.

How considerate of you

How kind of you

How sweet

How lovely

How thoughtful of you

Expressing Resentment and Teenagers

Teenagers often feel a lot of resentment from the way they have been treated for years. Some of their more primary feelings might be feeling underestimated, controlled, stereotyped, judged, misunderstood, threatened, punished, unloved, discriminated against, etc.

The way teenagers express resentment, in the USA and England, for example, often is a combination of sarcasm, "talking back", swearing etc. This feels like disrespect and defiance to the adults who are trying to control them, so they are often punished for the ways they express their resentments. Of course, this only creates more resentment.

To improve society we could:

1) Teach ways of expressing resentment with "I" and "I feel" messages.

2) Listen for the hidden emotions being expressed

 

The "Fuck you" song

EAMON LYRICS
Fuck It (I Don't Want You Back)

Here is an example of a song that is popular now, even in Peru. We could probably say it shows a bit of resentment...Notice he says "I want to let you know how I feel", but there are more "fuck's" than feeling words! He probably could have used a course on emotional literacy when he was younger, but of course they don't teach that in school. Not yet anyhow, or at least not in many schools! (S. Hein, March 2, Lima, Peru)

See, I dont know why I liked you so much
I gave you all, of my trust
I told you, I loved you, now thats all down the drain
Ya put me through pain, I wanna let u know how I feel

Fuck what I said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses, they didn't mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, I dont want you back

Fuck what I said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses they didn't mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, I dont want you back

You thought, you could
Keep this shit from me, yeah
Ya burnt bitch, I heard the story
Ya played me, ya even gave him head
Now ya askin for me back
Ya just another act, look elsewhere
Cuz ya done with me

Fuck what I said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses they didn't mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, I dont want you back

Fuck what I said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses they didn't mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, I dont want you back

Ya questioned, did I care
You could ask anyone, I even said
Ya were my great one
Now its, over, but I do admit I'm sad.
It hurts real bad, I cant sweat that, cuz I loved a hoe

Fuck what I said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses they didn't mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, I dont want you back

His newly-found girlfriend

This is how Jerren referred to Laura in an email he sent to Kel.

He was telling Kel that there wasn't really a program to help the teens. He wrote, it was "just him traveling with his newly-found girlfriend."

Here is what I wrote about that comment.

There are a couple things I want to say about this. First, by him saying "newly-found girlfriend" it is obvious to me that Jerren feels resentful about me spending so much time with Laura and putting him second almost all of the time. He told me about a time when he got in a similar situation with a friend of his who was spending more time with this gf than with Jerren once when they went to the guy's vacation house or something. So it seems there is unresolved resentment from that which was stirred up by Laura and I.

Before Jerren came down I had explained to Jerren that I created the work exchange program page before I met Laura, and things were different for me than when I posted the page. I also told him that Laura and I were traveling around looking for a place to live, so he knew this before he came. Looking back, it might have been wiser to just have taken the page down. Or to have changed it to say "You must have your own funds and be be self-sufficient in Spanish." Probably it would be better to actually ask for a contribution from the volunteers to cover some of the costs like the Internet time. I felt a little bothered by me paying for Jerren's time to download music, read philosophy sites, and chat on a more personal level than on a helping level. If he had been paying for his own time, this wouldn't have bothered me as much. Although it still would have a little because there was so much more he could have been doing.

The other thing about him saying "newly-found girlfriend" is that I feel a little hurt/offended by this considering Jerren didn't even refer to Laura by her name. And Kel knows who Laura is because Kel reads my site. It would be pretty hard for someone who reads my site not to know about Laura. To me Jerren is de-valuing Laura by calling her my "newly-found girlfriend", and now with the way things have worked out with Laura and I, this hurts even more. I really think Jerren will feel bad when the thinks about this. He might want to apologize and I might accept. But I don't think I would trust him again or want to help him in the future. And I feel sad about this because Jerren has no friends in real life and no one in his family who accepts him as he is or gives him much of any emotional support. I was the one who probably gave him the most he ever got in his life, and he has pretty much destroyed our relationship. I feel sad to see him doing this. And he has told me he has done similar things before in relationships by judging people. So I really hope he learns something helpful out of this whole experience.

Dedication and Editorial Comments

This list is dedicated to Sarah who taught me to say " bite me" and to all my teenage friends around the world who resent the way they are treated by adults, and who often come up with creative ways of expressing this resentment. It is especially for those in non-English speaking countries where they are just beginning to see how they are being treated and how little freedom they actually have. I believe resentment can be a first step to making needed changes if it is channeled constructively.

I have often wondered what would happen if we stopped brainwashing teenagers. What would happen if all the countries in the world would agree to stop imposing their customs, traditions, and religious beliefs on young people. What would happen if all the parents and teachers and school authorities would start to listen to teenagers? What if we took their ideas and feelings into consideration when making decsions?

Then, if the change proved to be positive, what if we started treating pre-teens as if their ideas and feelings mattered? Then what if we started listening to those even younger?

What if we redesigned what we now call "schools" into places where we could learn from teenagers and children instead of trying to "teach" them and train them to fit into the adult world?

How many adults can really look a child or teenager in the eye and say with sincerity:

"I am proud of what we have created. I am proud to bring you into our world. We have created a world where you can feel safe, where you feel valued, where you are treated with respect, where your feelings and needs are taken seriously. Yes, I am really proud of what we have created and are passing along to you."

I suspect not many adults could say this. They know this is a lie. So I suggest we admit that we have failed to create a safe world for our children. I suggest we admit we have failed to bring unity among the humans around the world. I suggest we admit that our religious beliefs have divided us and set us against one another. I suggest we admit that patriotism is nothing to be proud of and that instead it is deadly for our species.

I suggest we turn the educational system upside down and start to learn from children and teenagers. I suggest we spend more time observing them to see how they naturally act and less time trying to control them so they will learn to be obedient and compliant. I suggest we encourage their creativity rather than crush it. I suggest we provide them with freedom instead of deprive them of it. Then they won't have so many reasons to feel resentful.

S. Hein

First draft 2004, updated Feb 2005