| Home Why I don't say Happy Birthday I usually don't say "Happy Birthday" to people. Instead I ask them how their day is going, or how they are feeling. Here is what I wrote to my friend Radovan the morning after his bday... -- How did your day go yesterday? How did you feel at the end of the day? I believe it helps us feel important, cared about, acknowledged when someone lets us know that they know it is our birthday. And I believe it helps us even more when they ask us about how we are feeling or how we felt --- and then they really listen to what we say. Read more below... -- SH Dec 29, 2015 |
Emotional Literacy -- Donations are very much appreciated :) |
| There are more reasons why
I don't say "Happy Birthday" One is that a that a teen named Anna Z in Australia told me her mother made her cry on her 16th birthday. Another reason is that I can remember feeling very depressed, even suicidal on 2 birthdays in the past few years - Both of them were when I was still with Priscilla. (more detail) |
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| Here is a search you can
click on which will look for all the articles on EQI
about "happy birthday" https://cse.google.com.......happy+birthday For example, - http://eqi.org/crying1.htm -This is about a girl named Patricia or "Pato" who worked for me in Argentina for a while. She was crying on her bday. |
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| My
painful bdays In Porto, Portugal, around 2010 or 2011, I left the hotel early in the morning. I took a train to some other city. I went to the top floor of a hotel to see the view. As I looked out I thought a lot about jumping. And in Uruguay in 2013 I think, I remember I was outside and needed time alone and then Rolando started cutting grass. I snuck away to avoid him seeing me. I hid in some thorn bushes. Then walked to another hiding spot. I sent some text messages to Priscilla. She came but it didn't help much. She didn't come to exactly where I said to meet me and she didn't call or text me to say she was a bit lost.
I am trying to think of what I needed right then. It was very painful that she didn't come when and where I wanted. I guess I needed to feel more in control and more informed. |
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| Another painful bday was
this year, in 2015. It is painful to think about it now.
It is about Priscilla.. and her not acknowledging my
birthday at all. I had written to her and asked her to
just acknowledge it. I hadn't heard from her in months. I
didn't know if she was alive or dead. I didn't know if
she was still getting my mails..... I feel sucked back in time now... to a place I don't want to be. I have a sensation of being surrounded by something, wrapped in it, trapped in it... I think back to where I was. And where I was when I was talking to "mystery". Or the "mystery person" - I feel pain when I think of her last email to me. Or I think it was the last - she wrote about how she had to study... I laugh a little.... P knows how painful those words were to me. But anyhow I guess that is about all I want to say about bdays... except one more thing.... My family likes to write me on my birthday and say things like "I hope you are having a great day!!!" I shake my head.... They never ask how my day actually is or how it was.... So this is one more reason I ask, not just say "Happy Birthday!" |
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| Here is another reason... I was just chatting with Radovan. He said something about how people just say "happy birthday" because everyone else does. I agree. It is so rare to meet anyone who does not just repeat what others do. So rare to meet someone who actually thinks a bit for themselves. It reminds me of things like "Good morning" and "Have a nice day" and "How are you?" People say all these things mechanically, robotically. They are all substitutes for deeper, more meaningful and emotionally fulfilling communication. |