Feeling Discouraged

Recently I sent someone a message and I told them I got some very discouraging news.

They said "About discouraging news, I hope you feel better now."

I was thinking that it would be more helpful if they would have said, "Is there anything I can do?", as I suggest on my page about hope

In this case I might have said, "Yes, there is. In fact, there are a couple of things you could do. For example, you could meet me and listen to me. You could also help me find someone to work and travel with me."

Core Topics

Respect | Empathy
Caring | Listening
Understanding

Other EQI.org Topics:

Emotional Literacy
Invalidation | Hugs
Emotional Abuse |
Feeling Words
Depression |Education
Emotional Intelligence
Parenting | Personal Growth

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I don't think I could scrap the idea of moving to Pereira. My boyfriend and I have really big plans there already and he certainly is going to go to university. I think I am still going to study as well, I'll just pick a very flexible schedule, and as I told you, I would only have class for about three months per semester, I don't really want to miss out on that era of my life, I'd really like to see if I enjoy the university I picked out.

But overall, I am sure I will have a lot of time to travel throughout the year, so don't worry about that, alright!

--

Notice that after she gave me the discouraging news she did three things which cause me pain. (She didn't know this, though, but if she reads this she will learn.)

1. Used an imperative.

2. Invalidated me.

3. Used an exclamation point.

You might wonder why this was so discouraging.

It is painful for me to write about, so I will just make some notes...

- I really need someone to work and travel with me. I have been looking for over ten years. Priscilla helped me a little for a while and she traveled with me to 30 countries, but in the end I was helping her more than she was helping me. Then she left me and now she has stopped talking to me.

- The person who wrote this, Dani, told me she had promised herself she would start traveling when she got out of teen prison. She also told me that since a child she has always wanted to help people. (She won't be helping many people if she is studying for exams)

- I gave her a chance to travel and help people. It would be easy for someone to think this would be the dream job for her.

- I lost one more person into what I call the black hole.

- We had talked a long time and I had the impression she was willing to start traveling soon and she really was going to consider helping me start some new businesses that would both help people and generate money both for her and for others so teens could have an opportunity to work that would not require even a high school degree. Thus no more stress over grades and no more being controlled by parents and teachers or forced to be around people who cause them pain. And no more waste of time and life in schools. I feel sad she is not following her own dreams. I have seen this happen to so many teenagers. They get convinced they have to or "should" go to universities first before following their dreams. Then things happen and they end up not doing what they dreamed of as an idealistic teen. Or we can say "society happens." 6