Genius

So I'll start off with some basic things about me. I am a cutter, I have bipolar, ADHD, and depression.
I was diagnosed with ADHD in first grade. I also had anger issues, but they weren't that bad yet. So when I got into 5th grade, I started to cut because I was being bullied. I would get so depressed that I couldn't even go to the swimming pool anymore because my stomach was so cut up that the chlorine made it sting.

So I stopped after awhile. For a period up to 8th grade. I then started to get overwhelmed with school work. I started cutting again because I wasn't getting the grades I wanted. This continued till 9th grade.

Then in tenth grade is when everything went to hell. My teacher saw my cuts on my stomach when I stretched, and sent me to see a counselor. This was the first time anyone had ever seen my cuts. They called my parents and I started freaking out because I didn't want my parents called. I started to hit the counselor. She got away and called for help. I was eventually pinned down and suspended. I asked my mom that night if I could go to a place that would help me. That was ____ clinic. They had me for a few days but I started getting sick and then they gave me Thorazine after I freaked out one time, which I'm allergic too (it makes my blood pressure drop to zero). I was quickly sent to the hospital and my parents took me out against doctors advice.

The next big thing that happened was my suicide attempt on Mother's Day. I had a girl friend sleepover the previous night, and my boyfriend at the time came over for a little bit and we both got horny. Later in the night we got drunk together by drinking a few beers. We ended up sleeping together. I gave her hickeys and she gave me hickeys. We tried to cover them over in the morning with makeup, but it didn't work very well. So her dad found out and freaked out. He made her text me saying she could never talk to me again. I freaked out and ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom and overdosed. I sent out a mass text saying goodbye to everyone. Some of my friends responded and asked me why I was saying goodbye I just kept saying I'm sorry I'm not good enough. There was this one boy who I though was my friend he just kept encouraging me to try to kill myself. I kept swallowing pills. All the ones I could find. My parents and brother were downstairs watching tv. Waiting for me to finish what was suppose to be my shower time. Eventually one of my friends called my house and told my parents what was going on. They rushed up and dad knocked down the bathroom door that I locked. He made me throw up the pills by sticking his finger down my throat. The ambulance came and took me to the hospital where they pumped my stomach and gave me charcoal. I was then sent to another hospital where they took me to the psych ward. Me and my parents slept on metal benches that night waiting for someone to tell them if I had to go to another behavioral hospital. Eventually I went to ___ Behavioral health hospital. I was there for 2 weeks going to therapy all the time. I finally got home and my parents locked all the blades, razors, pencil sharpeners, and medicine in a closet and put a combination lock on it. It's still there to this day. I also wasn't allowed to stay home alone.

Anyway that didn't stop me from cutting. I would steal razor blades from my grandmother, when I went over her house. One day I brought one to school. I was having a really bad day that day. My medicine had recently been changed and it was making me act weird and more aggressive. So it was the last class of the day. Math class. I was secretly texting my friend. The teacher caught me texting and I refused to give it to her. So she decided to call security. I got so pissed off I attacked her. I cornered her and started to punch and kick her. Finally another student said enough of this. (Mind you he was a football player). He picked me up off the ground and put me far away from the teacher. I started then to attack him. I then ran off into the bathroom and locked myself in a stall. I pulled out my blade and started to cut my arms to bits. The security guard by the door at that time tried to get me to come out and saw the blade through the crack of the door. She notified tons of administrators In the school. They then tried to get me to come out of the stall. They had to pin me on the floor and the blade was eventually lost under my hair after they got me out of the stall. They had me pinned to the floor for what seemed like hours to me looking for the blade. The police then come and put handcuffs and feet-cuffs on me. They finally find the blade with me shouting colorful words at them. Saying I hated them all and that they should all die. When they find the blade, they put me on a gurney. By this point my mom had arrived and she saw me being wheeled out to the ambulance. She screamed at them saying "no no no no you can't take her. You can't take her. Where is _____ (my old vice principle) so we can sort this out. You can't take her." They just replied, "she is in police custody now." And led her away. They then put me in the ambulance and tried to get me to answer questions, but I wouldn't talk to anyone. My mom saw me in the ambulance after a while and said to me "it's going to be okay. I love you." I still wouldn't talk. I eventually fell asleep and woke up being wheeled into _____ behavioral health hospital again. I was there for a month. I faced charges against me that was later turned into probation.

When I got out I had to go to partial at _____clinic (I had to go to partial hospitalization after every time, except the first time, I was admitted to inpatient). I was there for a while, then I transferred to a new school called _____ behavioral health campus.

I had a hard time there (still am there, trying to get out now). There was this girl that took a instant disliking to me so we had a peer mediation. I freaked out and got pinned again and was sent to partial there. I then threatened to hang myself one day at partial, if I was sent home, because of a big argument with my parents the night before. I was sent to ____ behavioral health inpatient adolescents unit immediately. That was the best thing ever for me. I got much better. I didn't feel suicidal or as depressed anymore. I went to partial and was constantly happy. This only lasted till 11th grade (which is what I am in now). I started getting depressed again because I didn't feel like I needed _____ anymore so I started cutting again. My mom found out and searched my room and found all my blades. And now Is where my story stops. I'm still trying to get out of ____ and feeling miserable without my blades right now. I'm also developing an eating disorder. I have pretty much stopped eating unless someone forces me to eat. So yeah that's about it. That is my story. Thank you for listening/reading. I will catch you up when something big next happens or if I feel like telling you about my childhood and how my dad abused my mom.

Hi Priscilla

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. I've never actually told anyone my point of view for any of that. I'm sorry you you have carpal tunnel like symptoms. I would love to keep in touch with Steve. I'm gonna tell you about what is frustrating the hell out of me right now. So I'm still at ____ alternative school in 11th grade. I really hate it there. I want out as soon as possible, but I have to get my homeschool ______ to agree on a school I can go to and are willing to pay for. _____ school administration agrees that I am ready to leave the school, and we are having a meeting with ____ school district on November __. I have a school in mind that I really want to go to. It's called ___ school. It's an alternative school for gifted people. The reason I hat_____ so much is because they are not teaching me anything that I don't already know. The ride to and from the school takes 45 minutes each way, thus making it impossible to have any of the other students come over and hangout with me unless they have a ride (and not many parents are willing to drive that far). Plus I pretty much have no friends anymore. Most of my friends from my old school stopped talking to me after the incident, and no one at ____ really understands me (except for a few teachers). The students are also always talking about drugs, sex, and all types of other inappropriate things. I come from a very conservative family and didn't learn about those things until recently. I hate hearing about those topics. It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe. Honestly, I've never felt safe at ____. The reasons why I want to go to ____ is that they have a harder curriculum, many people have recommended the school to me, and have told me I would do perfectly there, my family therapist is also the director of emotional support services, I also already know a couple of people that go there, so I wouldn't be friendless the first day. My family therapist was actually the first person to recommend _____ to me, and after much research on ,and other schools in my area, I concluded that ______ would be the best school for me. Anyway, what I'm getting at is the fact that I really hate this school and have to deal with still going there for a while. Honestly, I'm scared that I'm going to freak out, and ruin my chances of leaving. I also just really don't want to have to continue with the other kids and the stress of having to be miserable in school. I've never been miserable in school. I am a student that gets all A's and B's. I hate not being able to enjoy school. I'm desperate to get out of there, but feel like the only school that would be able to challenge me (as I have a genius IQ) and would be able to still support me when I get overwhelmed is ______.

It is also a very artistic and musical school and I sing in a professional choir and I paint in my free time; thus making that another reason why ______ would be a good place for me to go. So anyway sorry for rambling, just needed to get that off my chest. Thank you so much for reading this.