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Convo with Cara after we had made an appointment to talk in one hour. We made it because she had been chatting with Marvin and someone else when we first started talking. I have been afraid that her problems with Marvin would interfere in our getting work done. Here is one example of that.

BTW about 2 years later Cara moved in with Marvin and he became increasingly abusive to the point of physical abuse and hitting her in the head. She finally moved out and broke up with him.

Convo Nov 16, 2007 11:30 PM New Zealand Time 12:30 pm Turkey Time

Isabelle says:
hey
steve says:
hey
Isabelle says:
i think i need to sleep
Isabelle says:
just had fight ith marvin
Isabelle says:
feel suicidal
steve says:
hug
Isabelle says:
hb
steve says:
what happened
Isabelle says:
he's an asshole
steve says:
hug
Isabelle says:
sigh*
Isabelle says:
i mean, i just wanted space! he forces me to call and guilt-trips me when i don't !
Isabelle says:
i said how i was depressed and that i feel like i need someone to lean on who won't want something from me. i feel like im always someones leaning post but there's never anyone who's just here to support me. and then he made it about him. and called me self-centred.
Isabelle says:
yes,marvins mum and i have arrangements for me to pay board
Isabelle says:
i don't want to die i just don't care if i live
steve says:
hug
Isabelle says:
hb
steve says:
im listening... u can just talk as much as u need
steve says:
im not doing anything else...
Isabelle says:
í just need to feel and i can't
Isabelle says:
the izzy/cara i knew could feel. i am numb. i don't feel anything. i am so alone. i really don't care about life anymore. it's too hard. i'm too tired.too lazy.he... oh i am so fucked up
steve says:
hug
Isabelle says:
hb
Isabelle says:
i'm glad uv found ur mission in the world
Isabelle says:
hug
steve says:
*smile
Isabelle says:
sigh* i want to sleep but i won'tbe able to. i want to die but i can't i want to ring marvin but he won't listen to me. i want to be someone else but i'm the only option i have
steve says:
hug
Isabelle says:
hb
Isabelle says:
i'm sorry, tonight's not the best time for me to talk about work im kinda fucked up.
steve says:
its ok
Isabelle says:
i think i need to go to sleep. i can't kep talking bout this stuf...it kills me that i can't feel anything. it hurts that i don't hurt
steve says:
hug
Isabelle says:
hb
steve says:
yeah thats a bit scary
Isabelle says:
yeah.u know that numbness where u want to feel and cry but can't
Isabelle says:
?
steve says:
kind of but i usually cry
Isabelle says:
oh
steve says:
or just feel empty or numb
steve says:
like detached
steve says:
i cried yesterday about the guy from poland
Isabelle says:
i want to cry, i want to hurt, i don't feel anything. i want to jump off something high
Isabelle says:
hug*
Isabelle says:
that was so fucked up eh and it's coz of language barriers and the fucked up authoritarian society we live in i feel so fucking furious about that

Isabelle says:
ugh
steve says:
hug
Isabelle says:
hb is it ok if i go to sleep?
steve says:
yeah
Isabelle says:
thanks

Notes

- Earlier this week she called Dale an asshole.

I can see why companies have policies about documenting things. So employees will now where the "boundaries" are. I don't really have boundaries. That is one reason teens talk to me.

I think I am more like a grandfather figure. Grandfathers don't feel as much need to control their teens. They don't have as many emotional needs.It is easier for them to give unconditional acceptance, and have no boundaries. I'm not sure if I ever fired anyone. Maybe one person. Usually I just hired contract programmers then didn't call them again if they didn't do a good job. I suppose I was pretty lucky with Tammy and Ora and Bud was pretty good too.