| Home | Parenting under construction Acceptance I just realized I don't have one specific page on acceptance. So I am staring this today. Jan 13, 2015. I am starting it in memory of Priscilla,who was my partner from 2009 to 2014. At some point I realized she didn't feel very accepted by me. I realize now you can't feel loved if you don't feel accepted. Related Links Accepting Your Child's Beliefs EQ for Everybody section on acceptance Leelah Alcorn - 17 year old who killed herself because her biological, legal parents did not accept her. |
Respect | Empathy Other EQI.org Topics: Emotional
Literacy |
| EQ for Everybody section on
acceptance Because our need for acceptance is one of our most critical emotional needs, it is useful to take a closer look at just what acceptance really means from a pragmatic standpoint. The following "Ladder of Acceptance" helps us better understand the general issue of acceptance in terms of its more specific ingredients. It also shows us clearly that there are different levels of acceptance. (image missing xx) Each step of the ladder represents an emotional need which must be filled sometime during our lives if we are to reach maximum happiness. The sooner these needs are filled, the more time we can devote to other pursuits. As children we depend on our parents to fill these needs, but as adults we must take responsibility for our own acceptance needs. The better job our parents did, the easier our task is as adults. For example, if we felt loved and respected as children it is much easier for us to feel loved and respected as adults. Ultimately, though, as adults, we must each earn our way up the ladder. For example, we must earn respect through our actions and integrity; we must express ourselves to be understood; we must behave in ways which are worthy of admiration and appreciation; we must be deserving of compassion; and we must have something to offer if we are to be valued. In a similar way, for adults, even love must be earned. Ideally, we were loved unconditionally as children, without needing to earn our parents' love. Such unconditional love goes a long way to helping a person feel lovable, and thus making it easier to believe that they are worthy of love as an adult. In practice, however, most of us had to earn the approval, and thus the love, of our parents. Those that never felt approved of by their parents will have a very difficult time feeling loved as adults. The reason it will be difficult is because we must believe we are loveable to receive love. If we do not believe we are lovable, we will be skeptical of love when it is offered to us. We may even reject it based on our cognitive and emotional distortions as discussed previously. All our feelings of acceptance, in other words the essential forerunners of love, hinge upon our self-esteem and feelings about ourselves. Simply put, if we do not respect, value, admire, support, understand, approve of, value, and love ourselves, it will be impossible to genuinely feel loved, valued, admired, respected, supported, understood, and approved of by others. When people do not love, value, admire, or fully approve of themselves, in other words, when they do not fully accept themselves, they are haunted by a host of negative feelings. They feel disappointed with themselves, rejected, unsupported, and unloved. Because they remain stuck trying to be accepted by others, they cannot devote their energies to their other emotional needs. As a result they are left empty and unfulfilled. On a large scale, this explains much of the unhappiness in the developed countries of the world, where the prime problem is not physical need, but emotional starvation.
|
|