Emotional Intelligence | Main Page on Invalidation

Letter About Invalidation From Simon

I am writing directly to you Steve because you may want to put this on your website.

I am dyslexic and grew up being invalidated in just about everybody, from my parents to other kids at school.

I was invalidated in just about every way:

1. In my feelings
2. In my thoughts
3. In my perception
4. In my observations
5. In my love of others

I learned not to show my feelings, when my inate personality inherently wishes to do so. I learned not to ask questions when my natural tendency is to be curious about everything. I learned to question my own perceptions and observations and doubt myself in every way.

Unfortunately although I have had many sucesses in life I had learned to invalidate myself and continue to invalidate myself to this day. Minimizing my sucesses and Maximizing my failures in my own mind.

In the light of reason which includes much reading on personal improvement including your site I now see the need to re-validate my feelings, my thoughts, my perceptions, my observations and most importantly myself as a person.

To do this I must accept my feelings as real and true, that my thoughts are valid and that I have a right to my perceptions and observations. That when my parents said:
"I am sure it didn't really happen like that"
"It couldn't have been that bad"
"It doesn't matter now it is all in the past"

They were wrong!

I understand that they did not intentionally invalidate me, they just did not understand me and the problems that I had. They learned the invalidation behaviour of their parents.

I really want to let this stuff go I am not holding on to it by choice but now I understand that I must really experience the feelings I have been supressing because only by this means can I truly let go. And it may take the rest of my life but little by little I can begin to feel validated.

I would really like you to publish this because I think others could benefit from it and because seeing it published will help to validate me as a person.

Thank you for reading,

Regards Simon