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How Understood Do You Feel?
One of the most useful questions you can ask someone is "How understood do you feel?" Even better is "How understood do you feel from 0-10?"
Note that the scale is 0-10, not 1-10 since it is possible that someone feels understood zero.
You can also ask, "How much do you feel understood by so and so, from 0-10?"
When listening to someone and trying to help them, it is absolutely essential that they feel understood by you. Even if you believe that you understand someone or what they are saying, it is highly possible that they don't feel as understood as you think they do.
As just one example of this is the story "From Head to Toe"
To give you some idea of how few people realize the importance of feeling understood and talking about it directly, consider these Google search results (as of May 2011)
- When searching Google for "how understood do you feel" there were only about 30 results. When searching "how understood do you feel from" there was only one result (It was from EQI.org)
- No results found for "how understood do your children feel".
- No results found for "how understood your children feel"
- No results found for "how understood your teenagers feel"
- No results found for "how understood do your teenagers feel"
By the way, not surprisingly, here are more results, or lack thereof, from Google searches
What does this suggest to you?
Respect | Empathy