| EQI Home | Emotional Abuse | Emotionally Abusive Mothers | Depression | Self-Esteem Letters about How to Deal with Emotionally Abusive Parents These are letters/posts talking about an article written on about How to Deal With Emotionally Abusive Parents. The letters are probablly more helpful and informative than the orginal article, especially since a lot of people didn't e even like the advice and suggestions in the article. The comments start from 2007 so I assume the original article was also from that date. We don't have a copy of the original, but you can get a good idea of what it said from the letters or posts discussing it. There are a lot of letters, but it is worth it to read them all. Note - Here is what one person said about the original article:
From: http://www.wikihow.com/Discussion:Deal-With-Emotionally-Abusive-Parents On 00:56, 21 August 2007 69.xxx aid: [The article gave] really bad advice. A teenager should be counselled to seek outside help at school or elsewhere to deal with abusive parents. Abusive parents love only themselves and rarely if ever change. Go to your guidance counsellors or social workers or even get a teacher to help you. Trust me you need to build some walls as your parents will abuse you until they die. Been there, done that On 11:02, 19 September 2007 81.xxx said: This artical fails. If your parents are truly emotionally abusive, your not going to cure it by playing the "good" child. You're either a zombie or have no experince dealing with emotionally abusive parents. However not losing your temper can be good advice On 12:00, 19 September 2007 D rae said: I agree with the above user;
emotionally abusive parents will emotionally abuse you no
matter how good you act. They only change when a third
party gets involved (grandparents, therapist, police
etc.). On 00:54, 9 November 2007 216.xxx said: im 24, and my mother was emotionally abusive toward me. she left me home alone at 13 for an addict. today she almost only calls me for a pity party or about bad news. its like she trys to play me like a puppet. i hate it. she knows all the right buttons to push me to anxiety and suicidal thoughts... its just not right. i left home, and still she calls and uses her mind games to mess with me. but according to her she's done nothing wrong. yah she did. she had a midlife crisis and became a crazy person. she use to be normal. and she is tearing me down with her. please help me stop this cycle. if it is not stopped, i will lose out on so much to offer... :( On 02:48, 27 December 2007 75. said: "If you do something that's good but they still put you down, don't sass them." I find the first line to be biased. Since when is defending oneself against abuse and putdowns "sassing?" Parents should have no right to emotionally abuse because they are parents. Whether anyone likes it or not, parents can and do back-talk their children. It is disrespectful no matter who does it. By creating junk articles like these saying that your parents have a right to do whatever they want to you and you are supposed to take it, you are spreading the notion that some people are better than others or the reason to be in authority is simply to abuse it. On 07:24, 5 January 2008 64. said: what if there is no third party or what if the mental abuse turns into physical? what if your parents scare you? no one wants me not even my family. my grandmother says that if i died she'd dance on my grave. my mom keeps reminding me that im not as important as my brother. i dont even know my father/ im sure he dosnt care On 02:23, 19 February 2008 138. said: My parents are so abusive. If I went to a counselor and my parents found out, they would probably beat me. They call me names like retarded, stupid, etc. Plus, I think my dad needs anger management class. Really. On 18:41, 3 March 2008 165 said: It's wrong to say not to "sass" them. Whoever wrote this has the wrong perception. And my adoptive mom is very emotionally abusive. On 22:01, 28 April 2008 82. said: What happens when your parents are so abusive that even when you are top tier in your school, your parents figure out and invent ways so that you can't go to college? I'm 19, top tier, bright, hard-working and sociable yet my parents have abused me so badly that they made it impossible for me to go to college last year when I should have - they've just done the same for me now. The situation is very complicated - I have spent every day of every month for the past 2 years trying to get to uni but they are caniving and have plotted against it because they don't want to lose control. Obviously, I can't go into details but I can't get a counsellor to understand (there are very few in my area) and I've becoming physically and emotionally drained. On 23:37, 4 May 2008 153. said: There is some point to not answering back. Not because it's disrespectful - but because it's useless. The only thing you will have accomplished is to give them more ammunition to use against you. As the child, it's often far safer to comply, at least for the short term, especially if no one outside is involved. On 18:19, 6 June 2008 165.24.24 said: I'm not even with my real mother. It's complicated and i will explain later but i just don't understand why she tells me that i am stupid, fat, etc. I finally got help. now i'm scared to go through with it. I finally get the chance to be with my biological mother and i am so excited. there is a way to stop the emotional abuse. just talk to the right people. On 21:44, 1 July 2008 131.95.168. said: I feel so much empathy for the 19 year old that is having trouble getting into college due to controlling parents. I have been there and it is a hard road to travel. I am in my 30s and still struggle daily due to the abuse. I moved oversees to get away from my parents after college and have some space to learn who I was. I can say that taking up religion helped me feel loved, even though it is not the same as real love from a parent. It is obviously just a substitute for the real thing but even that substitute is better than feeling loved by no one at all. Believing a god loves me, even if I know logically it is imaginary, helps me be able to love or at least like and accept myself more. There is something interesting in the Bible about parents it says "Though my father and mother forsake me the Lord will recieve me. He is compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love." Psalm 27 BTW I am not sure about the slow to anger though because there are a lot of examples of "wrath", but we won't mention that :) At least it is nice to believe. On 17:43, 3 August 2008 65. said: My mother simply uses me as a punching bag. Whenever something bad happens to her, she tells me that I'm a failure, and that I'm useless. She also says I'm going to be in middle school until I'm 21, and that I should just go and kill myself already... Hm... On 01:41, 7 August 2008 70.22 said: just tonight, my parents tried to physically abuse me... and my advice is to put up a wall between your emotions or your pain, and remember that most of the time when a parent tries to abuse you, its because they dont know how to talk to you, or how to react otherwise.... even though that shouldn't be an excuse. But if your abuse is bad enought to the point where its every night, then i sugjest that you seek out some help from someone. Most likely you will probubly end up in theorpy, counciling or something like that.... On 04:48, 22 August 2008 69.124. said: Well...I was abused that way when I was a kid. My mother is a physically abusive drunk with a power complex. I had many years where she and my grandmother who was another nutcase (instead of alcohol, she used God). They were mean sprited, petty, haughty morons that no one really liked, they always thought they were right when they were clearly wrong. When I was in my early 30's i had a financial setback and had to stay with both of them over a period of time, and they were even nastier and evil than they were when I was a kid. I used my anger to figure out a way to never see them again and got away. And in my growing up and learning about myself, I decided to be compassionate and try to forgive and have a relationship with them again. It was a waste of time. Sick people who have to abuse you to get some pleasure in themselves never change. They rely on the fact that you hate yourself to get off on being mean to you. If you get away and never come back, they wallow in their misery even worse and find someone else to take it out on. My grandmother had cancer and physically attacked me the day she came home from the hospital. She still had stitches in her breast and got mad cause she thought she smelled smoke, pulled me by the hair and put her feet in my stomach and threw herself backward on the bed. That was 5 years ago. I stayed away from her and now she is dying of cancer that came back. I refuse to go to see her and will not go to her funeral when she dies. I do this knowing that the rest of my family will "hate" me and I will never see them again. It is a choice I am finally ready to make because, like the kid whose parents tried to stop her from going to college, they too tried to stop me from having a life. Now I can have my own life and never have to consider them again. My grandmother will die knowing there was a consequence for her actions. My mother will have to go the rest her life without me. On 00:26, 11 September 2008 207.172..100 said: My parents always hit me, with whatever they find. They called me really bad names...even when I was a kid they would call me "motherf---er". I feel so bad now. My dad two days ago got so angry he took the fan and threw it at me. I'm 12 and I would've been bright, and I am. However, I have ADHD, as far as I think. I really amn't in a good situation. On 10:54, 3 November 2008 86.96. said: i suffered from my abusive parents since ever ...and i ve always been the good childand used to shut up out of respecting them even though my mom did horrible things to me at the age of 18 i ended up marrying a 20 yesrs older man just to get away from them & things got worse my parents promised me to get better and asked to divorce him after though they didnt do anything just continue abusing me now im 26 im 6 month pregnant my mom dont even ask about me or my baby my dad even worse i think the best solution is to ignore them and shut them out of my life they r not worth any of my goodness. abusive parents never stop ...i guess well just have to accept the fact that ll continue my life without them and feeling better bcz i know its their loss On 12:00, 11 November 2008 125.60 said: i'm just 14 and i am also suffering from by abusive (physical and emotional) parents. my father hits me rarely like once or twice a month but when he does it means YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO WALK FOR A WEEK. my mother hits me almost everyday but somehow i'm still ok with that because know somehow she still watches her tounge unlike my dad. i admit it I HATE MY DAD!! when he speaks, the words coming out of his mouth hurts like hell it's no match for his punches and kicks and i'm really scared of him..he's a big guy and he's cop. he even put he's gun on my head. they always pick on me. call me names like stupid, retarded, addict..my father even called me a bitch! and i hate him more for that. my mom always accuses me of using drugs..but, swear! i don't!! i admit it, i'm under age and i smoke and drink..my ex-boyfriend uses drugs but honestly, i never did! my mom started calling me 'drug addict' when she found marijuana in my wallet..i swear it wasn't mine! as i remember it was my ex-boyfriend's (he is 17,i know there's a little age difference between us)..well, the night before my mom found a marijuana on my purse, me,my x-bf and some of his guy friends (who are also my friend) had 'fun' after watching a school presentation. it was 2 am and we headed to the beach, we drink, smoke (i know! i know! im under age!) and THEY had a short session (you know what i mean). he's drunk and a little 'high',you know what happens next.. he must have misplaced the marijuana..he put it in my wallet instead of his.. that's what happen!! going back to my parents.. i wanted to stay away from them.. live in the comforts of my own home.. but i can't! im too young! i'm just 14! besides, my father don't want me to leave the house he doesn't even want me to stay with my grandma or any of my relatives On 03:16, 12 November 2008 75.75. said: my mom is the problem, and my dad just stands there. I've talked 2 the counselor and she always says just talk to them! My mom makes me feel like I'm crap she rarely hits me but I get yelled at and threatned daily. I'm not saying this is a bad article, but I'm afraid to do anything. My mom threw a pan at me the other day! And she told me "you're lucky thats all I did!" On 21:27, 23 November 2008 76.30. said: My parents emotionally abuse me...especially my mom. She calls me hardheaded and she threatens to cut off all my hair. She used to hit me with the hairbrush and my dad used to beat me with his belt. My mom slapped me last summer, which wasn't a shock (I knew she would do it some day). She also threatens to kick me out of the house and hit me. My dad uses a lot of sarcasm towards me and my mom. It hurts pretty badly. I've ended up with tons of low self-esteem and all that crap. This article was pretty great, but none of it could help me. They just yell too much... On 17:53, 1 December 2008 128.216.180 said: I'm 52 years old and still suffer the effects of abusive parenting. 2 marriages (to the wrong women) and a bunch of failed relationships and I eat a lot of shit on the job because I think I don't deserve any better. Wish I had some words of wisdom for you kids, but I don't. Luckily, it looks like the cycle was broken because it doesn't seem I screwed-up my own daughter too badly. On 15:19, 6 December 2008 Kiddo said: I hate it. I feel terrible for all of you here and elsewhere who have (had) to deal with abusive parents. My father is a schizophrenic so he supposedly can't do anything in the household and never does anything when my mother screams. He just silently sits there. Sometimes, it's getting more and more lately, he backs her up. That is, when he's home. Most of the time he's at 'his' house. (Because of his disease, he has to live with supervision.) My brother's either in his room on his laptop, or he's at our nephews/aunt's place, who are all way older than us. When he does talk to me, he's being fucking irritating and always wants everything his way. He annoys the shit out of me. And then my mother... I can't stánd her! I've been depressed because of her. I still notice things from the depression. Of course she wasn't the only reason, but she was the main reason. It started about seven years ago, two years ago it was the worst. She always wants to know every single thing and tries to have control over me, which is exactly why I don't tell her anything. She constantly screams and yells. She got me down so badly by saying or doing things. She used to call me a donkey ("stupid" animal, you know), she called me stupid, told me to shut up, said I could go to hell. I'm 16 now and mostly stopped caring about what she says. She always finds new ways to get to me. I remember when I was a little girl, I once cried so hard. She first let me cry, then after a while she came to supposedly 'comfort' me, but it didn't work, so she got angry at me and told me to shut up and that I was just being annoying and something like "screw you then", but in a more 'appropriate' way. I never told her anything anymore and since then, never cried in front of her ever again. Bitch. In one and a half year, I can finally live on my own. I'm already planning. For all of those who can't live on their own because of their age or really can't live at home anymore: go see a councilor or something for youth help or something, there are ways to get away from there. If you think it won't work, just pack your things and run away and then the next day just go to that councilor and they'll definitely believe you. Good luck and all that to everyone. On 20:43, 14 December 2008 139.197 said: My heart goes out to each and every one of you. I am thirty four years old with a mom that has been emotionally abusive my entire life. I am so fed up with it all that I am wanting out of the relationship. I am married to a wonderful man and have two boys that she treats badly. I've tried to sit and explain what she does leaving with my being wrong once again. When I was young she would slap my face and always had a negative thing to me all because her fear she lived in. I feel sorry for her at times but this last Thanksgiving we had it out pretty bad. She lives 12 hours away from me and it's not getting better. The one or two or three times I see her and my dad I either have to suck it up and take her negative comments or fight again it's never her fault. If I leave the relationship I'm left with the guilt feelings of what if something happend to her. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. Any suggestions? On 22:02, 24 December 2008 98.xxx said: This article is very clearly written by somebody who does not understand how moronic and incapable of humanity most emotionally abusive parents are. As an adult, I try to have civilized, adult conversations with the beings that spawned me and the most productive response I have ever received is my dad making a farting noise, sticking out his tongue and laughing in my face at how I am "pretending" to be an adult. If I had ever attempted a "conversation" with either of my parents as a teenager they would either attempt to make me feel guilty about my lack of understanding as to what "real" problems are or yell at me and call me a whore for questioning their omnipotence. This article provides good advice for conflict resolution, but would serve as a fanning of the flame if it is applied to emotionally abusive situations. On 04:31, 28 December 2008 209.xxx said: my name is hope and fourteen.my dad has been really abusive to me for the past seven years.he made my mom quit her job he also hit her last night.hes only hit me once but it really damaged me for life.he is mostly emotionaly abusive,hes called me a whore slut bitch and many more names. he called my oldest brother a faggot and kicked him out and im not allowed any where near him. its a hundred times worse when he goes to mom and abuses her. i hate seeing my mom how she is shes always depressed cries wont do anthing with her life sometimes i swear she wishes she would just die. hes the same way with me and my other two brothers. and he favors my younger sister. the worst part is when we're any where outta home he acts like he is the perfect christan and everything couldnt be better. like nothing happened at all. its been getting alot worse recently and im not sure i can bear it any longer. the problem we cant escape because no one believes us if we tell them and my dad has control of the money. it seems as if we actually have no hope. On 07:24, 30 December 2008 24.xxx said: Hey Hope, As someone whose going through the verbal and emotional abuse now, I understand how you feel. I actually envy you...you are actually talking about it. I'm too scared too. I would suggest that tell someone...even though you said that no one will believe you, I know that someone will. Tell someone who you know would say something...or even help you. Definitely reach out and tell someone. If not save some money and leave with your mom and siblings. Leave and find help at a shelter or anything with services. On 01:32, 14 January 2009 166.xxx said: I'm 15...I have gone through both emotional and physical abuse...though I haven't been physically abused in quite a while. The emotional abuse is killing me...it has caused my grades to drop and it has caused me to have depression for about the past 4-5 years. My advice is to try as hard as you can to just fight through the abuse. It won't get any better, but I only have 3 years left. I have been called a stupid failure, slut, bitch, retard, and other things like that almost every day of my life despite being in the top 10% of my class. I can't stand it...It is causing my mind to become all messed up and I hate watching depression eat away at my life. My advice is to get out and go to a boarding school if you can afford it, or you should just stay away from home as much as you can. I stay late at school a lot and I avoid my parents so that I can cope with my depression. If your parents tell you that you are foolish to leave them, just leave anyway. You will know if it is the right decision to make. On 18:43, 25 January 2009 69.xxx said: forgiving someone becomes possible when that person shows they are sorry and CHANGE happens. if there is no change, there is no need for a person to pretend they werent hurt and "forgive." thats another form of abuse.. also, one should not ignore abuse from a sibling. there are hotlines, counselors to speak to... and therapists that can help. it should never be ignored. staying calm when you dont have the tools and are yelled at all the time is not always possible. its not a good idea to confront a parent without the backup from a professional and the clarity that they are the problem and not you first. abusive parents always find ways to make the child at fault. On 02:43, 24 February 2009 71.xxx said: I grew up in an abusive home. I was born with a learning disabilt and a cleft lip palate.I had to endure alot in my life. I'm 33 married on my own. You don't have to take any crap from an un-fit parent. Get help call a hot line. I was scared always to speak out. My Mom yelled at me cause I needed 12 surgeries I yelled back. She pushed a pillow agaisnt my face pinned me down. I suffer PTSD and depression. Give it to the Lord. I pray and I'm thankful to be on my own. Stand up to your parents. They are the ones with the problem. You are not the punching bag. Good luck! On 00:03, 28 February 2009 66.xxx said: There is some strong advice on here. I love to hear people fight back sometimes that's all you got before depression drains you to a point you cannot fight. I am too a resiliant person and am learning to be proud of myself because I had more desire to live than to give up or give in. I have had to state to my abusers when they wonder where I am that they should be real lucky I am far away because the amount of anger they provoke in me makes me want to kill them sometimes. There is no more guilt in me. On 04:23, 3 April 2009 67.xx said: If you are under age 18, and anyone is hitting you, please call 911...and trust me, the crazy effects that last the rest of your life from abuse are not worth putting up with one more day. Not one more night. Not one more hour. If you are an adult, do your best to plan, leave, and start over. Anyone that treats you in an abusive (physical or emotional) is screwing up your life. Your self esteem. It will take years to undo. And they will never care, rarely ever truly change. There are a lot of selfish, heartless, me me me, people out there, family or not. that is not love, it is not even friendship. Annoyances are one thing, cruelty is a whole other story. Living with cruelty is not an option. On 13:17, 8 May 2009 76.253.133.158 said: You have only offered a few options for children that are being emotionally abused. I was emotionally abused as a child and I am now 45 years old. The comments and hateful words has never left me. The first option is to talk to people and tell them about it; anyone who will listen! Anyone that can get you help. NOT keeping your mouth shut and going along with the program. When emotional abuse happens it really screws the childs mind up and they will have more problems in the future. Second, get out of that environment. Stay with other family members who don't emotionally abuse you or stay with someone you trust. Staying in the abusive environment does nothing but make things worse and allows the parents to continue to abuse you. Third, talking to the parents does nothing, but will most likely cause the child more agressive abuse after the talk. Fourth, please know that the children are not the problem. The parent(s) are the ones with the mental problem and require outside help that they will never agree to or seek. In order to save yourself (children) sometimes cutting the bonds are the best thing for you. It is extremely hard to do, but you will thank yourself for doing it in the future. Thank you On 18:42, 17 May 2009 71. said: I'm 25yrs old and struggle with my awful past of my parents emotionally and physically abusing me. My mother was a depressive drunk that blamed me for everything she wasn't happy with. I was a straight A student, talented violinist and a good kid. It didn't matter because nothing I did was good enough and she told me I never would amount to anything. I've never met my father. From what I hear he is a drug addict. She blames me for that too and I've never even met him. She used to kick me out on the doorstep and told me to never come back when I was in my early teens.She would drag me and hit me and I can't even remember how it started half the time. She used to watch me cry and offer no comfort. She let my step father hit me too when they got frustrated. She put me in a group home once because she said she didn't want me anymore. One day I took a bottle of pills because I felt like I inconvenienced her life and she let me lay in my bed for a few min. saying she hopes it works--then yelling at me that she didn't want to get in trouble and took me to the hospital. She told me I was the problem almost everyday. I eventually moved out but kept contact with the family. I have a younger sister who still lives at home whom she doesnt hit--thank God! She spoils her but neglects her at the same time.She and my stepfather have abusive fights but they are spaced out. She has called me with her marriage issues wanting me to comfort her in which I have. She still turns her back on me every chance she gets. She calls me ungrateful and selfish, and tells me to shut up when I try to tell her how she makes me feel. My mother is a control freak and the most negative person I know.I have recently decided to change my name legally and cut off contact permanently. I have forgiven her for everything she has done and have tried so hard to have a mother daughter relationship for years.She continues to tell me how I don't do anything right and criticizes me heavily. It makes me sad because I have not met one person that has a situation like mine where one parent abandoned them and the other one totally rejected and abused them. I struggle a lot. Life gets really hard sometimes. I don't drink or do drugs. I try to stay on the right track. I have big dreams I sometimes fear will never accomplish. I am hoping to gain more confidence and cope with my self worth issues through counseling and going to church. That is all that I can really do. On 06:27, 13 June 2009 125.xxx said: I've been abused by my parents ever since I was young. My mother is an intelligent, controlling arrogant person. No one can stand her way. My father used to beat and even choke us as well, me and my younger brother, saying how stupid we are. They want us to let them involve in our lives however, as how i can see thing, they only want to to have some punch bag or scapegoat of their own lives. i want to get away from all of the shits and stop their doing yet I don't know where to seek help. On 19:27, 16 June 2009 70.xxx said: Kill them than kill yourself. On 03:43, 24 June 2009 Jennip said: I didn't totally agree with this article either. I played the "good child" and it basically wore me down to nothingness with no self esteem what-so-ever ... because no matter how "good" you try to be ... they'll still do the same thing. I have had a 9 month break from my parents - meaning: i haven't spoken with them for 9 months! - and it was wonderful. 9 months of peace! 9 months of figuring out who the hell i am. 9 months of reading and understanding that my father has a massive problem and it wasn't me at all! lol! Now... that lovely 9 months has come to end because Apparently my father is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I'm going there to see what's going on. All i can say, is if this was a ruse to get me to talk to them again ... i'll be reeeeeally pissed off. BUT, if he is really sick, then this is the perfect opportunity for me to be completely honest with him and defend myself as an adult. My advice to anybody who reads the article is to remember it's not all accurate. The only reason to run away is to collect yourself and grow stronger. Not to keep coming back and pretending to be someone you're not. Yes, find people that care for you and let them know your situation... but eventually you will have to make a decision.... Do you want these people in your life? And what will you do about it? Good Luck xx J On 00:40, 29 June 2009 Khiggler said: Use a video tape/digital camera/cell phone parents abuse, you only need the audio so put the camera on a table and don't worry about the video. Get alot of proof, especially if they bruise you, video tape that, then Call 911 and ask to have Child Protective Services help you. Have friends visit you daily, they abuse less then. Have the friend bring his camera, and pretend he loves to record everything. The parents are totally afraid of being recorded. They know the law and will stop abusing you. If you're 14 years old, you don't have to stay at home. You can live with anyone (including non family). You only have to have someone to sign a statement saying they will support you and be a parent. Try your neighbor. That can-leave-the-home age varies with state. My wife is divorcing me because I would not let her abuse her 6 year old girl and 8 year old boy. She's sick. Trying to get visitation rights, it's expensive and her court appointed psychiatrist just okayed it. I feel really bad for all of you who have bad parents. Do something about it with help from a friend (it's easier). It's unbelievable how many people want to help abused kids, they're everywhere. Get you butt in gear and find one of them. Good luck. On 01:14, 23 July 2009 Mermaid92683 said: ok heres my story. i am 25 years old. i still live at home with my mom and her boyfriend. i cant move out right now becasue of bills and i cant afford to move out. i am working on it though. i have been verbally abused since i was 13. i am overweight slightly and she made sure i knew it. always calling me fat and lazy and stupid. also al oser who will never get anywhere in life. my grandmother who was half on my side and half on her side died in 1999 and things havent been the same since. she has not once ever said i love you to me since then. nor a hug or any sign of love to me. she kpet caling me names every day even still today. i had my first suicidal thought when i was 16. i still tend to have some when we get into huge fights. she used to throw whatever was in her reach during fights. she cussed at me and it really hurt. to make matters worse most of my whole life she wished i was my cousin. she is better than me and did better in school and is skinny and has had many boyfriends. basically the all american girl. she always wished i was her. telling me why cant u be like her. she never has and never will accept me for who i am. also her boyfriend whos been her man for 15 years now doesnt like me either. saying i dont help out, but when i do help out she or he complains about it and its not appreciated. i guess i can never do anything right in their eyes. when we go out to dinner sometimes she ocmplains about how i dress (which is normal) and how i look. becasue she doesnt want to be embarrased in public by being seen with me. these are the things i go through on a daily basis. i had a boyfriend for 4 years. someone who accepted me for who i am. in the ned we didnt work out but she complained about him because he didnt graduate college so she said hes a loser and is fat and stupid. i just dont know what to do anymore. lately i stay in my room crying. she yells at me for everything. i cant do anything right. i need help but i dont know which kind to get. i cant keep living like this. please somebody help me!! On 20:19, 26 August 2009 24.xxx said: I have a very similar situation as yours mermaid 92683. My parents are very verbally abusive. My mother was sick with cancer and my father told me that if she died he would take ,my younger brother to another country and that my sister and i would have to prostitue ourselves to survive. We were 16 at the time. I am 24 yrs old and just gradated college, i know that's late but im an idiot so thats y it took me forever,well unfortunately i am still living at home and can;t find a job! i c no way out of this abuse..and im not the only one who hears it we took in my ant from another country and my parents kick her out daily..they've moved all of her things by the front door and she is forced to leave the house and roam the streets all day long in order to avoid the abuse..while she's gone my parents look through her things and my father makes a mess out of everything she owns. The sick thing is that neither one of them see anything wrong with that..for many years i endured my father's abuse he's call me a slut and a whore and a dirty bitch while my mother ..either wouldn't defend me or she would support him..I felt as though he saw me as a slut or a whore and not his daughter or a child and so my views on many things are distorted ..he walks arond the house half naked and it really bothers me for some reason..i see him as a sick person so i confronted my mother and she ..yeld across the room to him in a sarcastic tone,to put clothes on because i felt malested, and that if it were my boyfriend who were partially undressed i wouldnt feel that way that i would like it..ughim so mad y do i feel this way ..i do feel violated some how! please if anyone can explain this to me..i feel as though i am going insane! ..maybe i am the crazy one! On 20:48, 30 August 2009 66.xxx said: I'd like to add a few more pieces of advice that the article seemed to leave out: 1. Always remember that it isn't your fault. Even if you aren't the most perfect teen ever, nobody deserves to be abused. Don't let messed up people mess you up in your own mind. You don't want to be like them, do you? 2. Don't pretend that your parents are rational, sane beings if they truly aren't. It might be messed up, but you can't argue with someone who is mentally ill. If you're trying to convince an abusive parent that what they did was wrong chances are they won't understand it at all. If they could they wouln't have done it in the first place. 3. Make friends, of all ages and situations. They will be able to support you and give you a place to stay if you have to get away for a few nights. Also your parents might be less likely to say mean things to you if they know you could be telling other people about it. Get cozy with your relatives but don't expect them to be automatically on your side. If they came from the same situation as your parents (say, they were all abused as children) they might be nuts too. 4. If worse comes to worst, play by their games to get what you want (Most likely, getting out of there). You might be able to get their support (financial anyhow) if you play your cards right. I did and I'm now living a much more peaceful life away from them. I still see them but since I don't live with them anymore On 18:04, 21 October 2009 76.xxx said: My heart goes out to everyone on this page. I am 21 years old and struggle with anger and anxiety bred from living with my stepmother since I was 12. Finally she and my dad are getting a divorce. She is good at keeping up appearances and pretending to others that she was a great stepmother who still "loves" her ex-step-children. Meanwhile she is having my father and herself pour tons of money into the private education of my 6 year old half-brother, even though when she and my dad were married she argued that they shouldn't contribute financially to the education of myself and my full siblings whatsoever, even for college. She ridiculed me for being a top student at my public high school and acted as though I was a snob for getting into a good university with financial aid. She always used to call me selfish and ungrateful, and now that I am back in town after graduating (no thanks to her) she is slipping back into the same pattern. She severely limits the time we can spend with her son, and when we are allowed to see him she tells us that we should be thankful to her for her gift of giving us time with our own brother. My sister has been seriously ill since birth, and now her drug interactions are causing side effects of depression and anxiety which my stepmother claims make her unfit to spend time with her son. She continually makes up stories about my sister's behavior, even suggesting that she is violent and sexually inappropriate with the child. Both accusations are clearly false and only worsen my sister's depression. I cannot even begin to express to her my anger and hurt feelings because she just won't listen to anyone who disagrees with her. She either lays the blame on me or shuts down the conversation by refusing to discuss these issues, then cursing me out or laughing condescendingly in my face. I am looking for a job that will let me move away and leave her far behind, but I can't completely cut her out of my life without potentially cutting out my innocent half-brother. On 14:45, 14 December 2009 99.xxx said: To the 21 year old above me, I did it. I left home for 2 years and didn't talk to my dad at all for that period except for a failed psychologist appointment and some really bad voice mails and calls. Then I just stopped answering the phone. The sad thing was that I feel like I'd pretty much raised my brother except for cooking, Dad was at work, Mom sat on the couch reading self help books, (she commited suicide after 9 trys when I was 17 almost 18. I didn't cry it was her time.) I really felt like I was abandoning him. And I'm sure he still feels that way in a way. But I moved back in to the situation you see. They are still emotionally abusive, I didn't change even though he apologized for everything. He just doesn't talk to me really now. Its really nice. I'm just waiting to accidentally step on that eggshell though. I'm so close to moving out. After christmas I think I will. But damn, that eggshell might crack then, I don't know. Whats every bodies advice on this? I'd like to know I can't find anything similar.... |
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