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Age 13 as of Aug 2006

Here is the first letter from Gina


I'm not sure quite why I'm writing this to you, I'm probably going to embarrass myself if you ever do read this, which I somewhat doubt you will.I  just wanted to express to you my, truly -- shock -- and appreciation. I don't think gratitude quite covers it this early morning. It just amazes me that an intelligent adult realizes what hell teenagers go through and empathizes.

It amazes me that an extremely intelligent adult doesn't cover up and dismiss how messed up their own childhoods were while torturing, I guess, a way to put it is, the next generation hypocritically and without hesitation. That an intelligent adult isn't a hypocrite that looks down on teenagers constantly and makes us feel like the "disease of the nation" when all we're doing is trying to mature and become decent members of society while living our own fulfilling lives. But how can we become decent people when we have a horrible  example set before us?

Wow, I kind of blurted that out, but every word was true. I really hope you read this, as stupid as that sounds, just to know that you kept one more frustrated kid from killing themselves. You really are a Godsend, as somewhat ironic as that term is. Though you might not care much and I've  already said too much, (oi) I am, of course a teenager, that has been depressed  since as long as I can remember, quite literally. I found your site while  searching for the term "emotional blackmail", guess why. I've grown to despise  my parents, because sadly, I'm one of those few that think of the world around  me. I just can't take anything without examining, or questioning, it. I always  have a hard time swallowing things quickly as they are handed to me because  it's expected of me and that's what a good person would do. (e.g.  religion I've been brainwashed into following since toddlerhood whilst watching  adults not practice what they preach; my mother's absolute insistence on  unconditional respect and love when she goes into a screaming fit of  guilt, tears and cursing; among others.)

Thinking is sort of my  worst flaw, in a way. I feel no one else understands me and I'm destined to stay  frustrated and feel wronged for the rest of my life. What did I do to deserve  this, I wonder? I'm still many years from from the legal age to move  out of my parent's house, (18 here in the US) and I've more than once found  myself literally counting down the days until I'm "free". Your term, "teenage  prison," just made me burst into sobs -- oh my God, someone is reading my mind  word for word. That's exactly how I feel and I hate that feeling beyond words. I  feel so trapped. I feel like this is literally a prison sentence I'm serving for  something I may have done wrong in a past life. I can't run away from  home to be free to take a deep breath and be me, because then it will just  aggravate the problem with my parents once they hire the FBI to haul me back. So  for the first time a little while ago I realized suicide is pretty much the only  way out. But I hesitate to kill myself, because then I fear the guilt my parents  will put on me again even when I'm dead. (They've told me before that they'd  "just die if something happened toyou [me].") I can't believe that not that  long ago have I just realized howmessed up a way of thinking that  is.

Again, I'd really like to thank you for reaching out to us your  site, although that may not truly be your purpose, your site is the most understanding and intelligent material I have ever read, after many internet  searches and even more frustration and guilt. Please accept my gratitude. You're  a rare, amazing person for caring enough about other human beings so much and to do so much for them. And again, I really hope you read this! I'm not quite sure what else to say and how much I've probably already weirded you out by now, but I just want to say one more simple thing I hope you'll keep with you:

Thank you.

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