EQI Home | Depression | Emotional Abuse
Clinical Depression?
... or repeated sadness, pain and invalidation?
Helen says:
can i ask you a question?
Steve says:
sure
Helen says:
you may not even know the answer, because you've only known me for a short time, but you seem good at figuring people out...
Helen says:
do you think i have something like clinical depression?
Steve says:
i dont believe that exists, not for teenagers anyhow
Helen says:
oh
Steve says:
want to know why?
Helen says:
sure
Steve says:
k well its kind of like this
Steve says:
i read some who guy wrote that being sad for a time is normal
Steve says:
like if ur pet dies
Steve says:
agree?
Helen says:
yes
Steve says:
k
Steve says:
but it said depression is when ur always sad for no particular reason and it doesnt go away
Steve says:
have u heard that too?
Helen says:
yes
Steve says:
k, well i disagree
Steve says:
here's why
Steve says:
lets say monday my pet dies
Steve says:
tuesday my best friend kills herself
Steve says:
weds my little sister gets shot
Steve says:
thursday my girlfriend gets deported
Steve says:
see what i mean?
Helen says:
yes
Steve says:
and on each of these days my parents, who i cannot get away from, tell me to smile.. cheer up...stop feeling sorry for myself...
Steve says:
they say "its not that bad, other people have things worse than you"
Helen says:
i hate that
Steve says:
or maybe they say "Smile, Jesus loves you."
Helen says:
i hate it when people tell me to smile
Steve says:
Or what if they tell me "snap out of it" and that I should be studying and my grades are terrible
Steve says:
And that my room is a mess and they ask me why I didn't do the dishes and why my towel is always wet and not in the right place? And when I tell them something that is true they accuse me of lying and then they punish me for lying when I had told the truth.
Steve says:
and later I get angry with them and we start to fight and I say things that are hurtful and then they lay a guilt trip on me and they say I am a horrible son and I have caused them a lot of agony and shortened their lives.
Steve says:
and what I if I start to believe this.. What if I start to believe that I deserve to be punished and I am not a good son or even a good person?
Steve says:
..and what if I am afraid to tell anyone how I feel because when I have tried before they say things like "They are your parents. They love you. You need to talk to them. I am sure they will understand." But they haven't understood in the past and I feel worse after each time I have tried to talk to them.
Steve says:
what if I have never been taught anything about invalidation or emotional abuse and they have cut the Internet to punish me and stopped me from trying to get emotional support online? And they also tell me that I shouldn't be talking about family issues with strangers.
Steve says:
What if my school counselor doesn't really care and doesnt have much time for me and I am afraid to talk to him because I know my parents will be angry and they will say I just want attention and I am exaggerating. And in the past when I have tried to talk to any other adults it just made things worse, not better?
Helen says:
hold on
Helen says:
just stop for one second
Steve says:
k
Helen says:
and this is the point where truth comes out in the form of vomit
Helen says:
brbSteve says:
hug
Helen says:
back
Helen says:
sorry
Steve says:
hug
Helen says:
*hug
Steve says:
did u really throw up?
Helen says:
mhm...
Steve says:
hug
Steve says:
feel better now?
Helen says:
lightheaded
Helen says:
w/e
Helen says:
i see your point, though
Steve says:
ok
Steve says:
i guess i was kind of driving it in eh?
Steve says:
but i wasnt even finished
Steve says:
can i go on a bit more?
Helen says:
you can finish *nod*... thanks for waiting for me
Steve says:
ill make it brief....
Steve says:
lets say u also know u are literally trapped on an island and there is no way to get off. and no one, not even one person understands cuz u know everyone else on the island.
Steve says:
clear enough?
Helen says:
yeah
Steve says:
can u understand why someone would not only constantly be depressed but might want to kill themselves in that situation? if not lets add in it is a girl who is being raped daily.
Steve says:
then laughed at
Helen says:
i understand
Steve says:
sorry if im being too graphic
Helen says:
its ok
Steve says:
now lets say someone on the island says this girl in question "suffers from clinical depression" and needs medication
Steve says:
what would u say or how would u feel?
Steve says:
lets say she was someone u cared about, or ur best friend or someone you loved
Helen says:
id feel sick
Steve says:
yeah
Steve says:
exactly
Helen says:
sorry about before i'm fine now
Steve says:
hug
Helen says:
thanks
Helen says:
i'm ok now, really
Steve says:
i dont feel deserving of or in need of any apology cuz what u did is natural. and it didnt hurt me in the least
Steve says:
in fact i feel encouraged
Steve says:
cuz if it wasnt true u wouldnt have felt sick
Steve says:
and u feel ur feelings
Steve says:
so its not too late to help u
Helen says:
ok
Steve says:
did that feel invalidating when I said i dont feel in need of an apology?
Helen says:
no, i understand. it makes sense. thanks. im just always afraid of making others feel bad.
Steve says:
yeah i understand. hug
Helen says:
thanks.
S. Hein
Feb 17, 2008