EQI Home | Depression | Emotional Abuse

Clinical Depression?
... or repeated sadness, pain and invalidation?

 

 

Helen says:
can i ask you a question?

Steve says:
sure

Helen says:
you may not even know the answer, because you've only known me for a short time, but you seem good at figuring people out...

Helen says:
do you think i have something like clinical depression?

Steve says:
i dont believe that exists, not for teenagers anyhow

Helen says:
oh

Steve says:
want to know why?

Helen says:
sure

Steve says:
k well its kind of like this

Steve says:
i read some who guy wrote that being sad for a time is normal

Steve says:
like if ur pet dies

Steve says:
agree?

Helen says:
yes

Steve says:
k

Steve says:
but it said depression is when ur always sad for no particular reason and it doesnt go away

Steve says:
have u heard that too?

Helen says:
yes

Steve says:
k, well i disagree

Steve says:
here's why

Steve says:
lets say monday my pet dies

Steve says:
tuesday my best friend kills herself

Steve says:
weds my little sister gets shot

Steve says:
thursday my girlfriend gets deported

Steve says:
see what i mean?

Helen says:
yes

Steve says:
and on each of these days my parents, who i cannot get away from, tell me to smile.. cheer up...stop feeling sorry for myself...

Steve says:
they say "its not that bad, other people have things worse than you"

Helen says:
i hate that

Steve says:
or maybe they say "Smile, Jesus loves you."

Helen says:
i hate it when people tell me to smile

Steve says:
Or what if they tell me "snap out of it" and that I should be studying and my grades are terrible

Steve says:
And that my room is a mess and they ask me why I didn't do the dishes and why my
towel is always wet and not in the right place? And when I tell them something that is true they accuse me of lying and then they punish me for lying when I had told the truth.

Steve says:
and later I get angry with them and we start to fight and I say things that are hurtful and then they lay a guilt trip on me and they say I am a horrible son and I have caused them a lot of agony and shortened their lives.

Steve says:
and what I if I start to believe this.. What if I start to believe that I deserve to be punished and I am not a good son or even a good person?

Steve says:
..and what if I am afraid to tell anyone how I feel because when I have tried before they say things like "They are your parents. They love you. You need to talk to them. I am sure they will understand." But they haven't understood in the past and I feel worse after each time I have tried to talk to them.

Steve says:
what if I have never been taught anything about
invalidation or emotional abuse and they have cut the Internet to punish me and stopped me from trying to get emotional support online? And they also tell me that I shouldn't be talking about family issues with strangers.

Steve says:
What if my school counselor doesn't really care and doesnt have much time for me and I am afraid to talk to him because I know my parents will be angry and they will say I just want attention and I am exaggerating. And in the past when I have tried to talk to any other adults it just made things worse, not better?


Helen says:
hold on

Helen says:
just stop for one second

Steve says:
k

Helen says:
and this is the point where truth comes out in the form of vomit

Helen says:
brb

Steve says:
hug

Helen says:
back

Helen says:
sorry

Steve says:
hug

Helen says:
*hug

Steve says:
did u really throw up?

Helen says:
mhm...

Steve says:
hug

Steve says:
feel better now?

Helen says:
lightheaded

Helen says:
w/e

Helen says:
i see your point, though

Steve says:
ok

Steve says:
i guess i was kind of driving it in eh?

Steve says:
but i wasnt even finished

Steve says:
can i go on a bit more?

Helen says:
you can finish *nod*... thanks for waiting for me

Steve says:
ill make it brief....

Steve says:
lets say u also know u are literally trapped on an island and there is no way to get off. and no one, not even one person understands cuz u know everyone else on the island.

Steve says:
clear enough?

Helen says:
yeah

Steve says:
can u understand why someone would not only constantly be depressed but might want to kill themselves in that situation? if not lets add in it is a girl who is being raped daily.

Steve says:
then laughed at

Helen says:
i understand

Steve says:
sorry if im being too graphic

Helen says:
its ok

Steve says:
now lets say someone on the island says this girl in question "suffers from clinical depression" and needs medication

Steve says:
what would u say or how would u feel?

Steve says:
lets say she was someone u cared about, or ur best friend or someone you loved


Helen says:
id feel sick

Steve says:
yeah

Steve says:
exactly

Helen says:
sorry about before i'm fine now

Steve says:
hug

Helen says:
thanks

Helen says:
i'm ok now, really

Steve says:
i dont feel deserving of or in need of any apology cuz what u did is natural. and it didnt hurt me in the least

Steve says:
in fact i feel encouraged

Steve says:
cuz if it wasnt true u wouldnt have felt sick

Steve says:
and u feel ur feelings

Steve says:
so its not too late to help u

Helen says:
ok

Steve says:
did that feel invalidating when I said i dont feel in need of an apology?

Helen says:
no, i understand. it makes sense. thanks. im just always afraid of making others feel bad.


Steve says:
yeah i understand. hug

Helen says:
thanks.


S. Hein
Feb 17, 2008