| Home | Teen Suicide Here is a letter I got from a
mother....
S. Hein
Too
Much Positive Psychology
I grew up
with a single mom who read and shared self-help
books. The Power of Positive Thinking was a big
one at the time. She would have me read to her
while she made dinner. We read books by smart
people – doctors, spiritual leaders,
researcher, experts, etc. - people with more
experience who were passing on their knowledge so
that we could live a little smarter, maybe a
little easier. Isn’t that why we read?
Isn’t that why I’m reading your site?
To learn more about something I know very little
about from someone who is more knowledgeable than
I? So I learned many things:
Mom’s mantra when we were upset was
“You can choose to be happy or choose to be
sad, either way is a choice”. Who wants to
choose to be sad? I do believe we have the power
over our thoughts. We have the power to change
our thoughts. I believe in being mindful of our
feelings, and expressing them unless it would be
harmful to someone else in which case, find a
safe outlet – write, paint, maybe vent to a
listening friend. I believe no other person can
MAKE you feel a certain way unless you let them.
If I’m feeling stressed I try some different
relaxation techniques such as deep breathing,
turning up the radio super loud and singing in
the car or dancing at home, count my blessings,
or simply look at the beauty of the world around
me. I know these things, but sometimes I forget
and get carried away by my emotions too. So I
give myself a time-out, I nurture my inner whiny
child or nurse my wounds, allow myself to feel
self-pity, then I remind myself how many
blessings I have and try to do better. Sometimes
it feels as though as a parent life is so
overwhelming and there is too much for one person
to do. During those times I have to focus on one
thing at a time, ask for help if I can, try to do
it well, and accept some things just won’t
happen as ideally as I’d like.
As a parent I want to teach my kids these things
I’ve learned. So when they felt bad or angry
I tried to help them find a way to make
themselves feel better. I didn’t think I was
telling them what they were feeling was wrong, I
thought I was passing on what I had learned.
Things such as: When you find yourself thinking a
negative thought –“I’ll
never… I’m not… No one…”
– turn it around and say the opposite –
“I will… I am… One or
many…”. Break difficult tasks into
smaller ones. Or how about not dwelling on the
things you can’t change, focus on those
things in your control? Sometimes the only way to
get past a bad thing is to forget it and move on.
Oh yeah and my favorite because it's served me
well: Don't take everything personally. SOMETIMES
IT’S REALLY NOT ABOUT YOU. MOST OF THE TIME
IT’S NOT!!! Apparently I’ve been going
at it all wrong and instead of helping my
children I’ve been invalidating their
feelings to the point that one is cutting and
suicidal and the other can’t wait to get as
far away from me as possible. It would seem the
only course of action now is to keep my mouth
shut lest I make everything worse, let the
therapist do all the talking, and keep buying
Neosporin. I swear I want to just shout out
“WHAT THE F**K??”
I was going to end it there, but I’d like to
know, when did cutting become so popular? What
did we do before cutting? Is it taking the place
drugs? Or unsafe sex? Drinking? I’ve seen
the heartbreaking pics all over tumblr and the
internet of kids with blades and bleeding legs
and arms and I wonder if there’s a link to
social media and cutting? How can kids even do
it? Truly, God, …what the f**k?
Sad, Confused, Scared Mom |
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