Chris

Chris

Chris is Kelly's friend. He is 15 and also lives in England. He's gay and feels lonely a lot. Chris tells me that older guys have been using him and paying him for sex. He thinks his dad sexually abused him. Like many people he has dreams about such things but it isn't all clear in his mind. No one wants to remember such things.

Chris is a very sensitive, very kind person. But he feels unworthy of love. He thinks he is a bad person.

He cares alot about Kelly and writes me when she is missing or has been drinking and taken a lot of pills.

The other day when Chris signed on to MSN and I asked him how he was feeling he said "Good, now that I am talking to you." He also told me that I make him feel good about himself. And that I listen to him and spend more time with him than his own father. Chris and I send each other hugs and say "I love you" to each other. And I do love Chris. He is such a good person inside and has been treated so badly. But me saying I love him doesn't mean I want to have sex with him. This is what is so sad. People like Rob Emmerling just don't get it. Teens like Chris need love. They are killing themselves and cutting because they don't get love -- not because I am telling them I love them and sending them electronic hugs. Chris knows I am his friend, not his lover. The teenage females know this too. It is sad that someone like Emmerling with a Ph.D. in psychology can't figure this out. It is also sad that someone like Emmerling,doesn't understand human emotions well enough to realize that what he has done only makes me feel more rebellious and defiant.

Chris has told me that Kelly cuts, by the way. He said he has seen the scars. And I know that Sarah does cut, even though she did lie about some things. Her own school counselor told me she cuts. I called social services and told them about Sarah a couple of years ago and they have been of very little help. Mostly they just have tried to get Sarah to be like a "normal" teenager when she is exceptionally smart and sensitive, as are Kelly and Chris. The social services systems are not working for teenagers like Chris, Sarah and Kelly. And the systems are obviously not working for all the teens who succeed in killing themselves. I get very resentful when people judge me for helping these teens, when no one else is helping them. And surely the people who are judging me aren't helping any of them. I haven't seen Rob Emmerling offer to help, for example. And I haven't had any other volunteers yet offer to spend hours listening to these teens and being there for them. I would welcome some help. But I am not holding my breath. It is much easier to criticise me than to offer any practical help.

Later I will add more about Chris but I wanted to get this page started.

May 14 Update - Chris and I are not talking much now. I don't feel very helpful to him. Nor do I feel appreciated. He has been trying to control me and make me feel guilty. He has pretended to be Kelly with both me and Jen. And he has tried to get Jen and I to stop talking to Kelly. He makes a lot of "you" statements and isn't expressing his feelings with "I feel" messages. (See emotional literacy section and Top Ten signs of High EQ)

When I tried to talk to him about all of this he didn't want to listen to me. He said "I don't want to talk about myself." And at another point he said "forget it." I don't see how I can help him right now so I've decided to limit the amout of time I chat with him. I feel kind of resentful about him impersonating Kelly and I feel protective of Jen. He got on Kelly's MSN and deleted Jen. Jen told me she was afraid to talk to Kelly because Chris "forbid it". She said she doesn't want him to be angry at her. I don't know if Chris really wants people like Jen to be afraid of him. But I can see he is going to destroy his relationships with people by treating them the way he has been treated at home. I understand he is hurting and wants Kelly to himself, but that isn't what Kelly wants, so he is risking losing her friendship too. I can't really explain this to him in a way he gets it though. So I've decided to put this here in case he reads it and also to help others see this is self-destructive. I feel bad for Chris, but I feel afraid to keep getting more involved with him. And I feel very protective of Jen.

April 24, 2005

Chris says:
i jst seen kelly
steve says:
ok
steve says:
hows she
Chris says:
she has had more drink
Chris says:
and took a cupple of tablets
steve says:
yeah
steve says:
how is she
Chris says:
shes u no
Chris says:
kelly
Chris says:
lol
steve says:
yeah
Chris says:
shes a lil out ov it
Chris says:
but shes still my kelly

What names have ur parents called you?
Chris says:
puff bastard
steve says:
whats puff
Chris says:
like gay
steve says:
ok
steve says:
do they know ur gay
Chris says:
no
Chris says:
but its painfully obvious 2 every1 at scool
steve says:
do u get bullied a lot
Chris says:
yes
steve says:
*hug*
steve says:
im sorry
Chris says:
its ok
Chris says:
im used 2 it
Chris says:
ive been bullied my hole lyf
Chris says:
i wish i was dead somtimes
steve says:
yeah
steve says:
it must hurt
steve says:
and be really hard
steve says:
*hug*
steve says:
but ur such a nice guy
steve says:
thats what matters to me
Chris says:
u cant imagine
Chris says:
i am crying
steve says:
*hug*
Chris says:
thanks
steve says:
yeah its gotta hurt a lot
Chris says:
i h8 my life
steve says:
hug
Chris says:
hug

Chris says:
my ma used 2 hit me with my dads boots
steve says:
do u think u deserved it
Chris says:
no
steve says:
thats good
steve says:
if u did it would be worse for ur self esteem
Chris says:
i try not 2 let stuff get me down
steve says:
yeah
steve says:
thats good

steve says:
chris do u know what invalidation is?
Chris says:
yeah kinda
steve says:
whats it mean to u
Chris says:
like ure nothing
steve says:
yeah
Chris says:
or summat
steve says:
do ur parents make u feel like that sometimes
Chris says:
yer
Chris says:
and my "friends"
steve says:
what kinds of things do they say
Chris says:
just mean stuff
Chris says:
gay boy
Chris says:
etc