Emotional Intelligence | Stevehein.com


Book for Parents of Teens

I was searching the term "teen revolution" and I came upon a link to this book. I don't like the title. So I won't even mention it. But you will see it if you follow the link below. The reason I don't like the title will be obvious to anyone who knows me and probably irrelevant to most of those who don't. Anyhow, I will say that I would prefer author talk about nature rather than a god in her book, but other than that there was a lot I liked about the book. So I am going to recommend people have a look at it. When I say people, I mean both parents and teens. Supposedly teens have been buying the book for parents. Notice I did not say "their" parents. I don't like people to talk about "their" children as if they were possessions (which, legally they still almost are). Adults are not the possessions of teenagers either.

In any case, from the little information I found about the book so far, it looks like the author actually shares many of my beliefs. She admits that she was abused as a child and teen. That is encouraging. She also says things like this..

Always speak to your teenager as if you were speaking to a highly respected friend, colleague, or member of society.

Statements like this make me think it could be good for teens to read this book to see how badly they are being treated in comparison...although I am sure the book also has things I disagree with. But anyhow, here are more good suggestions from the author....

- Never put your teen down in an insulting manner.

- Honor your teen’s boundaries and privacy in an age-appropriate manner by asking questions with sincerity rather than in a threatening or demeaning tone.

Notice, though, her use of the word appropriate in the last two suggestions. Who decides what is appropriate? (see my writing on this word) I would suggest she add this one

-Don't use subjective, parental sounding words like appropriate and inappropriate.


Here is one I especially like - the only thing I would change is to talke out the "inappropriate". What if the parent things they hit the person in an "appropriate" way? Who is to decide?

- Never hit or physically touch your teenager in any inappropriate or hurtful manner. This is called abuse, and you can be put in jail for such treatment.


This one sounds almost like it came right from my site!

- If you feel concerned or upset, phrase your concern by sharing your feelings instead of giving your teen the third degree as if he or she were on a witness stand.

A worry though is that parents probably don't know the difference between expressing their feelings and their thoughts in disguise as feelings. Here is one example.

I feel like you have the wrong friends.

That would flunk the emotional literacy litmus test. The actual feelings would be more like "I feel afraid your friends are going to get you to use drugs and to stop obeying me and your teachers. And I feel less important to you than your friends are. And I feel alone when you go out with them and I am here alone." (See section on emotional literacy for more about expressing feelings.)

Anyhow, here are more suggestions from the author, Barbara Rose.

- Allow your teen to express him- or herself openly and honestly while you listen with full attention.

- Reflect back what your teen has expressed to you just to be certain that you understand where he or she is coming from. This creates understanding and prevents unnecessary fights.

Well, it might be a little simplistic to say that it creates understanding. A person can listen but the other person still might not feel understood. Maybe Rose has read my site and she actually suggests the parent ask the teen how much they feel understood from 0 to 10, but we don't know if she uses and promotes this idea of not. See my story on the washing up if you have never read it. And have a look at my section on understanding.

So now, if the book sounds interesting to you at this point, here is the link to the authors promotional website. The author is pretty new age by the way. So that means she is making a lot of money, ha ha. But seriously, the book seems decent as far as parenting books go, especially those written by parents! And if you believe in some kind of god, higher power, flying spaghetti monster etc, then you won't feel bothered by her continued references to that kind of stuff.

If you are a teenager, and you can get the book, please write a review for me, from your perspective, obviously!

So here is that link you have been patiently waiting for!


and here is the Amazon page on it. As of today there are just two reviews of the book.

Here is one review I found funny...

No biblical perspective here

This book does not reflect any biblical teachings. If you think you will receive a book based on Christian principles, do not buy it as it is a liberal approach for very troubled teens, probably having problems because of a non-disciplined approach in younger years

S. Hein
Buenos Aires
May 9, 2007