EQI.org | Depression

What Undepresses Me

S. Hein

- Doing exactly what I want/need to do for as long as I want/need to do it Till I am satisfied.

- Sleeping. As long as I want/need. When I want/need.

- Doing something creative.

- When someone comes over to visit. (Assuming it is the right person - not someone who gives me advice, judges me, interrupts me, bosses me around etc.)

- When someone wants to spend time with me.

- When someone shows they care about me. (without trying to control or change me in any way)

- When I feel understood by someone.

- When I feel empathized with.

- When someone shows they want to learn from me. (This helps me feel valued)

- When someone shows appreciation for something I have done or written.

- When someone tells me how they have applied some of my ideas in their own life.

- When someone helps me feel valued, needed, important.

- When someone asks me what they can do to help me, and then does what I suggest or request.

- When I talk to a sensitive, intelligent, rebellious teenager.

- When I feel in control of my life or some aspect of it.

- Having a stimulating conversation with someone.

- Feeling encouraged by someone, or admired by someone.

- Hearing "I feel inspired by you."

- Hearing how someone feels when they use what I call feeling words,, in a way that I call emotionally literate.

- When someone listens to me, really listens, the kind of listening I write about.

S. Hein
Jan 26, 2015

Update Nov 27, 2015

- Feeling trusted. For example, when someone I stay with on Couchsurfing gives me a key to their home.

- Feeling welcomed.

- Feeling encouraged.For example, now I feel encouraged because Tim has been helping me, Radovan has been helping, someone in Argentina might help me translate my writing to Spanish, and a family in Uruguay that has a new alternative school is letting me stay with them - via Couchsurfing


Jan 6, 2018

Today I was feeling very low on energy. Unmotivated. Uninspired. Alone. Some of the component feelings of "depressed" (I am trying not to use that word much now since it is an "umbrella" word and it doesn't clearly indicate what the unmet need is.)

Then I got a message through Couchsurfing from someone who I met about 5 years ago. We kept in touch but never saw each other again. The last time we talked online was over a year ago. I offered to help her move away from her parents but she was too scared to. I felt so discouraged I just stopped talking to her. We used to talk on Facebook, but I haven't used it in about a year.

Today, though, she looked me up on Couchsurfing and sent me a message. We started chatting on chatzy.com, a site I like to use. She said she wanted to see me and she wanted to work with me and help me. She looked very attractive in her profile picture in Couchsurfing too. : )

It turns out nothing is probably going to happen. She is still dating the same guy. She is still sucked into the "black hole", the name I give to universities. But still, for a few minutes I was not "depressed" at all. All my energy came back instantly.

I got out of bed, got up, started doing work around the old warehouse I live in. It has been over an hour since we talked and I still feel the energy from hearing her and seeing her. I even cleaned the fridge which I have been putting off for maybe a year. haha

Just the idea that she remembered me and cared enough to contact me again, and looks so, well gorgeous, and the possibility one day she will get rid of the boyfriend and finally start to see the world, has really lifted my spirits. Yes, we can say it gives me hope. She said she is planning to go to Europe. That is also encouraging. I really don't expect anything to happen but the point of all of this is that "depression" is not a mental illness. It is a combination of painful, energy-killing feelings.

When something happens so the pain stops and something offers energy, motivation, inspiration, hope the "depression instantly vanished.

Today was reminder of how quickly life can change. She could have said, "I broke up with my boyfriend a long time ago. He was too immature and not intelligent enough for me. I have always remembered how nice it was to talk to you, what a good listener you are, how smart you are, how you live so freely, how you help people. I decided that, if you still want me to work with you, I am ready. Just tell me when I can come and get started. I would also love to travel with you and learn from you. You have a lot you can teach me."

She actually did say "I want to be like you." A few people have said that over the years. But I can't think of anyone who really has done more than say it.

Still my "mood" has changed about 100 percent since I saw her picture and exchanged messages.

Here is one of them.

May be i was too young... i want to be like you

-- I am not sure what she meant by "too young". I think she means too insecure. She was already out of teen prison the last time we spoke.

Oh, this was her previous message after she had been reading my references on Couchsurfing. And maybe she wasn't out of teen prison yet. She lied when she made her profile and said she was 18 but she was 16. It is really sad how governments keep teens in prison like they do.

I think it's great that you know so many people who appreciate you, they would remember you forever. I'm questioning why i didn't pay attention to this page before when you talked to me about it

Core Components of EQI.org

Respect | Empathy
Caring | Listening

Other EQI.org Topics:

Emotional Literacy
Invalidation | Hugs
Emotional Abuse |
Feeling Words
Depression | Education
Emotional Intelligence
Parenting | Personal Growth

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My former partner's site called "What Depresses Me"