|EQI.org Home |
This file is intended to be pretty hard to find. I only have a link to it from one other file. The reason it is meant to be hard to find is because it is about me.
It really hurts me to write ths now. I just got stressed and walked out of the room when my partner and I had been talking as we normally do. But within seconds I felt so stressed I needed to leave the room. I feel guilty about it now. The other day I found her crying and I asked her what was wrong. She said "This is just too stressful. " I had also walked out of the room that day but it wasn't because of my extremely high stress. Yet she was afraid it had something to do with her. She is afraid of causing me stress or of "triggering it" a lot of the time we are together. She never knows when I will get over-stressed or what will cause it.
Earlier tonight she was talking about killing herself if she found out she had arthritis or something incurable. She said she would probably go somewhere and do it and not tell me what happened so it wouldn't be so traumatic for me.
This is very hard to write, but I want to tell someone.
At first I was just stressed. Later I flelt guilty and afraid she was crying again or feeling self-destructive or suicidal,.
I feel so sad about all of this. I don't want anyone in this country to know how bad things really are. I don't think they would understand, in fact I am 99 percent sure they wouldn't. I haven't found anyone here yet who understtands depression at all.