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Parenting with Nonviolent Communication (NVC)
8:14
Added: 5 years ago
From: nvcacademy
Views: 62,744
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eqiv2
Respond to this video...
have you ever encountered a situation where violence was the only
option. for example, child says "hey running out in front of
cars looks fun", you start to say "no actually it isn't
because...", but child decides that he inst interested in
your explanations and that? instead hes going to do a little
experimentation on his own to find out for himself why it may or
may not be fun. Thus you would be forced to physically restrain
him which is clearly violence.
xcvsdxvsx 1 week ago
Yes, in NVC we have a term called "protective use of
force," and if a child runs out on? the street in front of
cars, using restraint to save the child's life is the thing to
do. Sometimes making a request or negotiating is superseded by an
immediate need for safety. Afterward, I could have a talk with
the child and explain what I did and how much protecting his/her
safety means to me.
nvcacademy in reply to xcvsdxvsx (Show the comment) 1 week ago
ive managed to avoid it entirely thus far by just controlling my
daughters? environment. Even when she starts messing with
something that could choke her i dont have to take it from her i
just ask nicely and she voluntarily gives it every time. However
she is only 1year and 3months so I had a feeling that even the
best parent wouldn't be able to avoid it forever. BTW thanks for
the great work you are doing it just might be the most important
thing in the world, literally.
xcvsdxvsx in reply to nvcacademy (Show the comment) 1 week ago
I don not believe that this woman has much? experience with
teenagers
artrod439 2 months ago
good? video!!!
undusklabe 4 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
Protips4Life 9 months ago
It's not a real kid, it's easy to make a fake conversion. Each
time I talk to myself about? a raise, I get it - with my real
boss not that much.
MultiFallguy 10 months ago
ROFL?
daobagua in reply to MultiFallguy (Show the comment) 4 weeks ago
love? this
theocgrl48 1 year ago
xxI think this is pretty good info. I know when I was a teen I
hated being sat down and talked to by my parents. I'd pick up my
clothes off of the floor just as a way to not have to hear them
talking to me about whether or? not I'm frustrated.
vidastarradio 1 year ago
Wow! Talk about getting down to the core of what's happening and?
how everything is about meeting basic needs! I love this!
Especially the part about where you hold your child - if you
think of them as defiant and obstinate - that's what you'll get!
lauriecooper59 1 year ago
Wow. I think I'm a pretty good dad, but I'm a better one after?
this video. I have a lot more to do.
jeffepstein 1 year ago
Wow, this was really interesting. I'm not a parent or anything,
it's just interesting to try and understand the minds of those
who are still? developing.
mandyamanda09 2 years ago
Awesome advice! There's so much truth? in this that I wish this
way of thinking was more main-stream! Thanks for sharing. :-)
sunshinegrateful 2 years ago
This lady hit it right on the head. So glad there are others
thinking out there in the interests of humanity, and?
communication and functioning more holistically. it's beautiful.
xx I can respect you and your method. Maybe I am hearing what I
want to here, but what I understand? is that you believe in using
psy chology to raise your kids and work with people. But you
understand that theory of communication does not apply equally in
all situations, but should be adapted to fit.
xx I understand your need for truth. Life gets confusing and it's
hard to trust that anyone really cares about you. I also share
your need for? trust and honesty. I know that when I am scared or
threatened I find it hard to always tell the truth. I have a hope
that there will be a world someday that gives us a safe place to
be real with each other without the fear of recrimination.
xxI agree all living creatures deserve some respect, but not
all at an equal level. I do not respect my hairdresser as much as
I respect Hawkins. And I like the taste of cows.
xx The reason I would do this, is so when my child goes into
the society, he will realizes that a similar consequence will
happen if he does that to someone else. My dad did not spank or
hit me often. But one time, I slammed the door on my mom, told
her to fuck off and I? was being very aggressive. My dad came
into the room and pushed me down to the floor. Then he yelled at
me, he didn't even need to hit me, but It was enough to snap me
back to reality.
What reality? The reality of totally ignoring your emotions and?
how come you flipped out on your mother and then
un-constructively scaring you into compliance? Not too much
reality there.
these are innocent children we are talking about not
teenagers.
The reality I am referring to is that some people will react
harshly to other peoples inconsiderate nature. My dad stood up
for my mom, I can not fault him for that and neither should you.
What I was trying to point out is that my dad didn't beat me
senseless. He simply established that he was not going to sit
back and let me get away with my unjustifiable aggression. This
is how I was raised, I think I could make improvements on it, but
I don't think it was a horrible method.
I am sorry, in reality if a person did that to you, you could
have placed an assault charge on them. That is what I meant by
reality. You cannot resort to physical aggression because of
verbal taunting. Another problem is why did you react that way
toward your mom. People are quick to? ignore the causes of a
child's misbehavior and just go to punishment.
To me, what a healthy level would be, is if your kid tells her
teacher to "Fuck off" then you tell your kid that this
is incorrect behavior, you yell at your kid so he understands the
message, and then you ground him. If he tells you to go fuck
yourself or he threatens you (and teenagers do, I was one only a
few years back), then you hit him. This does not mean you punch
his lights out. It means you grab him, put him over your knee and
spank him.
if you respect your child while he or she is growing up then they
won't be a teenager that says fuck you and act like a jerk. if
you treat your kid with disrespect then you get what you gave.
period, end of story. so, either you are looking to get a rise
out of people? or you are completely mixed up. either way I hope
you find peace in your life because what you say is what you are
and what you are is important.
validate that statement. essentially you said that I was
justified in telling my mom to fuck off. please provide evidence
to your claim (prove that kids only act up in homes of
disrespectful parents). Probably the reason I have grown up as
well as I have, is because my parents always respected my opinion
and listened to me when I expressed it. This is different from
agreeing with me always.
Wow I'm sorry to say but this "don't hit your child"
thing is kind of stupid. I was given a whooping when I was wrong,
and I was given a whooping when I showed disrespect. It has
taught me alot about not being one of these stupid little fucking
assholes out their that are my age because their parents didn't
show any reprecautions of their action.
My point is there is a time and a place for this talking method.
But when a kid fucks up he/she should know, not talked to death .
This type of communication gets to the needs of both the child
and the parent. When you got a whopping, your parents needs for
control were met. I can hear that some of your needs for were not
met and now it comes out in anger for children who are not
whopped and hurt the way you were.
So I know for me that when I get angry it is a message that I
have a need that is not being met or perhaps not even
acknowledged. I suspect you have a need for equality - just a
guess.
LoL If you have a kid telling everyone to fuck off it sounds like
the parent fucked up, likely by teaching some deformed version of
forced respect or because they hit their child.
With respect to the comment about the kid who tells people to
fuck off. I was occasionally given corporal punishments for my
more severe offenses and I told my mom on one occasion in my
entire life, to fuck off. Two of my friends in high school had
parents who did not believe in corporal punishment. I have
witnessed both of them tell their parents to fuck off multiple
times.
wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong!!! do it because I said so!! it's
not about what the kid wants, kids need to learn boundaries and
respect else they'll never learn to stand on their own two feet.
you CAN'T be friends with your kids - it will mess them up!!
if we love and respect our children then we will want to connect
with them on a deeper level. yes, they come from us, however,
they are not us and they too have their own ideas and needs in
this life, yes, even as small children. respecting their ideas
and their needs allows them to feel and know they are loved.
nowhere in this video is it said to not create boundaries, quite
the contrary. she is creating boundaries, from a healthy loving
place. blessings on your journey~
You shouldn't try to connect with your kid when they're being
naughty, you should just draw a line. Other times are for
connecting and discussing your kids ideas. And yes, of course you
should try and meet their needs, but are they really the best
people to judge what they need You can't always get what you wantit
is not about giving over control to the child. of course a child
cannot & should not be responsible for things above their
understanding. sometimes children are misbehaving because they
are confused or upset or they simply need our attention. we live
in such a hurried world & if we slow down we can see their
needs are not being met & this is why they act up. we must
take time to be present truly present. then we see a difference
in their behavior.
Don't bring the modern world into this argument, as if it is
relevant. 100 years ago, corporal punishment was the norm for
everything, and they didn't have the hurried world we do. I think
if anything, our hurried world has improved the life of children.
xx
Children act up for many reasons. To describe all these reasons
as a need is to mute the meaning of the word need. I would say
they act up (I certainly? did) from greed.
daobagua in reply to oh2love4love (Show the comment) 3 years ago
Greed? can be translated to a need...
IamJanini in reply to daobagua (Show the comment) 4 weeks ago
Using a perverse and meaningless translation dictionary..... then
sure.
But I like your way of thinking,? we can now all appreciate with
wall street millionaires lobby the government to use force to
steal our money for bailouts. After all, Greed = Need lol.
Cheers
daobagua in reply to IamJanini (Show the comment) 4 weeks ago
A question to the NVC Academy regarding this? video -
Can somebody explain why Ms. Kashtan denies that "negative
attention" is a human need? It seems that attention is
certainly a human need, and that negative attention fulfills that
need in some way. It may not be as rewarding over the long term,
but that seems like saying people don't aren't fulfilling a need
by eating junk food simply because it is unhealthy, when in
reality it does fulfill the larger need for food in general.
aggroskaterSTL 3 years ago
We're defining needs as a universal quality that all people
possess. We define a strategy as the way we get the need met. So,
as you pointed out, using negative attention fulfills the need
for attention in some way, it makes negative attention a strategy
to meet the need for attention. Even if attention is a need, it
is also a strategy to get other, often deeper needs met like
acknowledgment, love and belonging. That's what Inbal was wanting
to? point out.
nvcacademy in reply to aggroskaterSTL (Show the comment) 3 years
ago 2
We use these definitions as a way of working with needs and
strategies and to help? us navigate our way down to the deeper
needs that often motivate us.
nvcacademy in reply to nvcacademy (Show the comment) 3 years ago
Thank you very much for that clear and intelligent response! Keep
up? the interesting work.
aggroskaterSTL in reply to nvcacademy (Show the comment) 3 years
ago
who's in charge here? did the kid ever pick up? his clothes?
gottawearshades44 3 years ago
that's the idea.? it is called communication, teaching the child
to communicate his or her feelings allows many wonderful
possibilities in the child's life. do you remember what it was
like to be a child and no one cared about your hurtful heart?
thank goodness adults are realizing the importance of respecting
these precious creatures. children deserve to be respected, how
else can they learn what respect is. blessings to you~
oh2love4love in reply to gottawearshades44 (Show the comment) 3
years ago
This is? amazing. Thank you.
youjones 3 years ago
lol "i wonder by the way i react, is it something fun to
watch??" lol.
Only fun if your parents are frustrated and angry but unable to
pull the switch and actually punish? you. I still think a healthy
level of corporate punishment is good. But it must be combined
with nonagressive connecting conversations.
Good video all in all
daobagua 3 years ago
how would you like it if a giant came up to you & told you
everything you are doing is wrong & when you do not do it his
way he harshly punished you & hit you? we are like giants to
these children considering our size. they love &? adore us
& we must meet them in a loving way. how much better would
this life be if everyone treated one another with loving
kindness? mistakes I have made with my own children & humans
in general. thankfully there is grace & forgiveness heals.
blessings~
oh2love4love in reply to daobagua (Show the comment) 3 years ago
ok I am on the assumption that this post was a reply to me, so
all things I say are based off that assumption.
First, Straw man augment much. You totally miscomprehended or
misrepresented what I had said in my post. You then exaggerated
it to the point where even I would declare that as child abuse.?
What I said was a healthy level, I don't know many people who
would define that as beating your kid whenever he doesn't do
something your way. Nor, would I condone telling your kid that
everything
daobagua in reply to oh2love4love (Show the comment) 3 years ago
the point is about our size and how children might feel
intimidated by us especially if we think it is okay to hit them
in response to their supposed bad behavior. no child is bad just
misunderstood...most of us do not take the time to? hear them,
instead we label them as bad or whatever. I know I miss the mark
ALOT & it is my continued desire to be more than what the
adults in my childhood were to me. it is as if people grow up and
forget what it was like to be a little person with no rights.
oh2love4love in reply to daobagua (Show the comment) 3 years ago
I am not saying you should not strive for improvement. I just
think you concept of improvement is too idealistic. I think your
idea that no child is bad is fallacious and I would dare you to
support that with statistics. I will disprove it with one
incident.? In my hometown (2300 people) a girl of the age of 12,
had a boyfriend who was 21 and she convinced her boyfriend to
help her kill her parents and her little brother. Isn't she just
a innocent angel.
daobagua in reply to oh2love4love (Show the comment) 3 years ago
I have nothing further to say. I didn't want to seem rude &
not reply at all.
life is far more than meets ones? eye... peace on your journey.
oh2love4love in reply to daobagua (Show the comment) 3 years ago
There was something wrong with her mentally or she had a horrible
childhood caused likely by her parents. People aren't? born bad,
original sin is bullshit.
UnschoolingEagle in reply to daobagua (Show the comment) 2 years
ago
Need step parenting advice? Step parenting can be easy and fun!
check? out my profile for helpful videos. :)
blendedfamilynews 3 years ago
thank you for this video.
I found it very touching.
The need for undersanding? and compassion so often goes unmet.
claudelebel55 3 years ago
It's always good to see? good videos...
Igetpaiddaily 3 years ago
Always will be grateful for your teachings, Inbal.? Fun to watch
this video and how quickly you model NVC. How many times I have
heard, Why isn't NVC taught to children? Inbal is helping
children and parents to have a more enriched lif.
rickiis 3 years ago
this is great stuff. ? thank you for posting.
mtnbikrrrr 4 years ago
Inbal is on the money.?
ParentsPartner 4 years ago
Just back from a retreat with Inbal. I value the passion and
insights that Inbal shares with? the world.
Rick
rickiis 4 years ago
It looks so easy and natural in this video and inspiring!
In timmyzues' comment above I noticed a recurring theme that many
parents I work with (and yes, I totally admit it, me at? times)
act from--The misguided notion that it just takes too much time
to communicate in a way that connects us with children. I've
personally seen this land mine of an idea explode all over my own
living room on more that one occasion.
A Natural Laws of Parenting:
Put The Time In Now Or Put The Time In Later
RosieBCenteno 4 years ago
This is? very good pychology's lesson. Thanks for up loading
this!
SriAgustiani 4 years ago
dear timmyzeus,
can you imagine that in time people who relate to one another on
this level develop a kind? of shorthand nvc communication? that
has been my experience with nvc.
nina
squidling in reply to timmyzeus (Show the comment) 4 years ago
5
This was a great lesson. It completely hits home for me and I'll
definitely be using your advice!? Thanks.
luvfoto98 5 years ago
A gem! Thanks? for sharing this. Do you have anymore on
parenting?
metaldude68 5 years ago
There are written materials on NVC and parenting at
nonviolentcommunication dot com.
Inbal Kashtan, the trainer in this video, can? be reached at
baynvc dot org.
The NVC Academy has a program called NVC Live! that has regular
training segments on NVC, some of which are on parenting, at
nvctraining dot com.
nvcacademy in reply to metaldude68 (Show the comment) 5 years ago
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