Helen, page 2
Helen dice:
just wondering, n i no its a bit random but ... do u know anything bout adult mental health teams n stuff?
jerren dice:
nope, how come?
Helen dice:
cos i think im being sent to one, but now im 18 ill have 2 go to an 'adult' team not a childs team
jerren dice:
lol
Helen dice:
im not bothered tho cos itll be like the others ive been sent 2. they talk 2 ya for 1 day ask ya questions n then send me a letter saying there not bothered n cant help me
jerren dice:
lol
jerren dice:
how many different counselors have u seen in ur life?
Helen dice:
about 5
jerren dice:
lol
jerren dice:
tell me a bit about them
Helen dice:
i went 2 see my school counsellor, my teachers were worried about me. i went 2 keep them happy, got on with her ok, then my mum found out and the drs sent me 2 someone who saw me about 4 times. they wanted my mum in the room aswell. i hated it so refused 2 talk n stared at the carpet n said nothin, then she sent me to a psychiatric ward, didnt like it there, didnt fit in, so i lied n got released
Helen dice:
then i got sent 2 see someone who was weird. she saw me like twice n then i heard nothing, my next counsellor my dad stole off me n then my recent one they sent me a letter saying they were crossing me off there list as they felt they didnt have the right services to offer me
jerren dice:
k just a sec
Helen dice:
ok
jerren dice:
how long were u in the psych ward
Helen dice:
6 months
Helen dice:
i had to stay in during the week n went home from friday afternnoon till sunday afternoon unless they thought u were at risk or it wudnt be safe sending you home then you stayed in
jerren dice:
sorry im slow. im talking to someone else now and to jerren...
Helen dice:
lol so ur on his account hes on yours?
jerren dice:
yep!
Helen dice:
lol
jerren dice:
lol
jerren dice:
there is a logical reason...
jerren dice:
lol
jerren dice:
we are trying to organize his msn list...mines hopeless!
Helen dice:
lol
jerren dice:
ok so tell me more about the psych ward
jerren dice:
what did they do there and how did u feel etc and how helpful was it
jerren dice:
and did they put u on drugs or what.....
Helen dice:
i didnt like it from when i 1st got there, people didnt like me, said nasty stuff about me etc, ye i got put on anti-depressants that seroxat
Helen dice:
there were like 15 rooms on the ward but about 20 teens cos when you got 2 a certain stage you got 2 go home full time but came in during the day every now n again for support etc, n when someone moved on a new person took there room
jerren dice:
brb
Helen dice:
ok
jerren dice:
back
Helen dice:
cool
jerren dice:
lol
jerren dice:
u sound excited
jerren dice:
u can fake it if ur not
jerren dice:
lol
Helen dice:
oh lol ye im soo excited woowoooo
jerren dice:
ah... how sweet
jerren dice:
ok so tell me more about the psych ward
Helen dice:
well wen i went i took someones room, n this girl got made 2 go during the day n home at night, she got her weeks wrong n every1 accused me of 'kicking' her out of her room
Helen dice:
she thought she had a few more weeks left when she didnt, they all fell out with me n from day 1 there were arguments n them ignoring me all the time, so i hid in my room, n well cut myself even tho it was against the rules etc it was all i cud do to cope n i managed 2 keep it secret from the staff as id taken in loadsa stuff that id need 2 care for them myself
jerren dice:
"as id taken in loadsa stuff that id need 2 care for them myself".... i didnt get that bit....
Helen dice:
to care for the cuts, steri-strips, bandages, antiseptic lotion, tissues (so people didnt get suspicious of me taking lots from the toilets!)
Helen dice:
i cut, harmed myself, cleaned them up n whatever n none of the other teens or nursing staff needed to find out cos if they did you risked being sent home as punishment, or made to stay in over weekends, prevented from taking part in activities like day trips out etc
jerren says:
k im working on ur page again.. but did the psych ward help at all, in any way shape or form?
Helen says:
not really, i hated it so i hid my harming, told them wanted they wanted 2 hear, pretended everythin was fine when around the staff etc, avoided the other teens but made convo if i had 2 n well they let me out cos they never searched my room or searched my body. they didnt find my stuff or saw cuts apart from about twice when they did but they sorted me out n i lied saying it was a one off
jerren says:
k im not a bit surprised
Helen says:
my room was near the end of the corridor, there was the nurses stations and then a corridor with the rooms, you had an eating area, a sitting area with telly n games systems, a school area where u learnt stuff played sport etc a soft room where u went 2 punch walls if u were stressed, some therapy rooms with chairs where u went 4 meetings, there were 3 of them
Helen says:
they did checks every 15mins i think or somthing theyd start at one edn n go down theyd knock on the door shout "checks" n open the door b4 u cud reply so if u was up 2 stuff they catch u but i kept my music down etc so i heard them doing every1 else b4 they got to me so cud cover up n hide stuff n look 'normal' b4 they arrived
jerren says:
lol
jerren says:
was there a rule against hugging other teens or against hugging at all?
Helen says:
no i dont think so, i got a few hugs off the staff but that was when theyd caught me n they were being like all nice n stuff, some teens were good friends so they hugged and stuff went round linking arms etc. there was a rule that scars etc had 2 be covered at all times
Helen says:
n that u wernt allowed relationships with other teens, u no like bf n gf
Helen says:
then u had the rules of no sharpes allowed, no alcohol, no drugs
jerren says:
why did scars have to be covered? lol what the hell is that for?
Helen says:
i dont know. i think its cos like people might get upset seeing everyone walking round covered in them, plus they might feel triggered 2 cut
jerren says:
lol sounds stupid to me
Helen says:
i remember tho this girl n boy put a short sleeeved top on n no1 said owt. ye they had scars but they were really faint not from deep cuts or anything, i rolled my sleevs up n my arms had deep scars on so they were like purpley n every1 kicked off a fuss n i was like wtf but cos u cudnt see theirs much they were ok
(Note... "owt" means anything or nothing, like nowt or naught)
Helen says:
that started another fall out between me n them lot cos apparently i was trying 2 get them into trouble, my rolling my sleeves up n trying 2 get them 2 cut n it wasnt
jerren says:
lol
jerren says:
no1 said anything at all?
Helen says:
well not really cos the staff wernt there with us all the time. they sat in the office or had meetings 2 go 2 or whatever, so they didnt hear any of it,
there was just once where they did hear a load of abuse been thrown at me. they tried 2 sort it but then the teens came more careful on what they said n when.
jerren dice:
is chatting like this better than going to school? lol.... feel free to lie
Helen dice:
lol, ye it is cos i wudda been bored, i have tutorial first thing on a tuesday n last lesson he was saying how i wasnt my usual self n was i ok etc, i was like ye im fine lol, suppose im scared hell try sending me 2 the college counsellor
jerren dice:
lol
Helen dice:
its not that id mind but im fed up of being let down by them all, cos i got on well with my school one but when i left cos it came time 4 me 2 leave i cudnt see her nomore so if i see the college person when i leave college i wudnt be able 2 see her again either
jerren dice:
yeah that seems stupid that u cant see the people who are helpful to u
jerren dice:
that happened to jen too
jerren dice:
it was like they basically said we dont care about u if ur not in our school or in the right year or whatever
Helen dice:
ye
Helen dice:
i mean one time my counseelor rang me at home cos id seen her at school n she was worried bout me cos of somthin id said but it was right at the end of the session as i was leavin n i like ran off i think i said like 'see you tomorrow if im still alive hopefully not' cos i saw her like every day for 15 mins or so at point, n wen she rang id actually just tried 2 kill myself
Helen dice:
it made me feel weird cos shed rang out of hours, n she even drove over 2 my house n stuff, she didnt have 2 cos she finished work at 4 so wasnt being paid but she did
Helen dice:
so r u putting everything on my site
jerren dice:
yep
jerren dice:
lol
jerren dice:
is that okay?
Helen dice:
ye but wont it be really long
jerren dice:
yep
jerren dice:
but thats ok its all worthwhile
Helen dice:
lol ok
jerren dice:
but hang on let me get caught up.
Helen dice:
ok
Helen dice:
ill have 2 run off soon
jerren dice:
k well ive got a lot of work to do!
jerren dice:
but thanks really. it helps to hear everything uve been telling me
jerren dice:
it will help others, seriously.
jerren dice:
not many adults know how bad the whole system is
Helen dice:
ye, sorry if its been borin
jerren dice:
lol not at all, truely
jerren dice:
im sorry all that stuff has happened to u
jerren dice:
and i am sure there is a LOT more
jerren dice:
i did start reading about what happened that night u cut last
jerren dice:
but there was a bit i didnt understand
jerren dice:
let me look for it again
Helen dice:
oh lol go on
Helen dice:
ok
jerren dice:
k
(then some time went by)
Helen dice:
u found it?
jerren dice:
sorry, got distracted
Helen dice:
lol
jerren dice:
just a sec
jerren dice:
ok here it is
jerren dice:
"after being in there on my own a bored for about an hour"
jerren dice:
i think u meant and bored
Helen dice:
ye
jerren dice:
k
jerren dice:
just checking
Helen dice:
lol its ok
jerren dice:
so anyhow u said that u didnt even realize u were doing it?
Helen dice:
well not really cos it was just like an automatic reaction i was angry etc
jerren dice:
what bothered u the most that night
Helen dice:
that id arranged it n then it all got spoilt n we left at 11 when