| EQI.org Home | Feelings
List Feeling
Offended Written in 2011 - Here is something Stephen Covey said in his book The 3rd Alternative Remember, you choose whether or not to be offended. But what is the value then of feeling offended? Are we really better off if we just teach ourselves to "turn off" our feelings? Let's say you are travelling across the desert and someone says that your mother is ugly, stupid, lazy and a waste of space and the group would be better off without her. Is it natural to feel offended? And if so, why? I suspect it is natural because this is some sort of an attack. It is a type of threat to her survival and yours. If the group were to be convinced your mother was of no value, they might decide to leave her behind. And if you depend on her, your survival will also be threatened. So I suspect feeling offended is a signal that some unmet need exists. For example, in this case, the need to feel valued by the group. If a person could think about this and discuss it directly it could useful. For example, a person might say, "I am confused, do you believe that my mother should be left behind to die?" This would be an example of the idea that humans have the possibility to solve problems through talking, as suggested by Manual J. Smith who said humans have another option besides fight or flight - verbally problem solve. But if you don't feel offended there is no "problem" to be solved and life doesn't improve as a result of your feelings motivating you to take some corrective action. |
Other EQI.org Topics: Emotional
Intelligence | Empathy Search EQI.org | Support EQI.org
|