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Teens, drugs, rules, school counselors

Yesterday I talked to a teen friend of mine. She told me she relapsed and did heroin again. She had been clean for several weeks. I asked her how she felt about it and she said it was no big deal. It scares me she says things like that. She does very unhealthy, self-destructive things and says "it is no big deal." Another teen friend of mine says it is no big deal when she is hit or locked outof her house by her parent. These teens have become so accustomed to abuse from all directions that they start to become almost numb to it. But because they are sensitive and highly emotional, it is impossible for them to become completely numb to it. In fact it is probably impossible for anyone to become completely numb to emotional pain, no matter how many defenses and coping mechansisms they build up over the years.

My friend who did the heroin did it right after school. Some things were going on in her life, or actually not in her life specifically but more related to things concerninig her family and friends. Because she is so caring it bothers her when bad things happen to her friends and relatives. What is bothering me right now is the fact that she did the heroin right after school. She was around people all day long, but there was no one she could talk to who could help her talk out her feelings. I have worked with this teen long enough to know that talking things out works exceptionally well for her. When she has someone to talk to who is a good listener, especially if it is someone who cares about her, she can cope with very high levels of emotional pain. But when she has no one to talk to, she turns to the only other coping mechanisms she has, which are drugs and cutting.

Her school has a counselor/psychologist but she hasn't told the psychologist that she uses drugs. She hasn't told the psychologist a lot of things. She is afraid to. So many of these teens I talk to are afraid to tell the truth. They have told me that they will lie to their psychologists and others who are trying to help them. They have learned it is dangerous to trust adults with the truth. School counselors where she lives, in the USA, are required by law to report things like drug use to the police, so it is understandble why teens don't tell everything to the school counselors.

For teens to learn that it is dangerous to tell the truth is one of the saddest things I have learned myself in talking with them. Not only is it one of the saddest things, but it is one of the most indicting things about the whole "education" and "mental health" processes. By that I mean it is an indictment against the larger system. It is a very strong indicator that something is wrong with the total system.

There are a lot of policies, procedures, laws and rules in place which supposedly help protect children and teens. But what I am seeing is that all of this is not working very well. I am also seeing that schools don't teach coping skills or more importantly, problem solving when it comes to emotional problems and problems in their families or in their schools.

I am also seeing more clearly some of what can happen when emotionally intelligent children and teens are raised in dysfunctional families. I am seeing, for example, that they can learn to expertly manipulate and hurt people but I will write more about that later.

S. Hein
January, 2003