Emotional Intelligence | Stevehein.com

 

Redefining What it Means to be Smart?

Note: I started these editorials on Feb 14, 2006. I am just now posting them today. March 26, 2006. Since I wrote them, Laura has gone back to Peru.

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Part 1

I am reading a review of Goleman’s 1995 book. I am reminded that the cover says “the groundbreaking book that redefines what it means to be smart.”

Now it has been over 10 years since the book came out, and I wonder, “Has the book really redefined what it means to be smart?”

My answer is no, it hasn't.

I feel sad about this. I think of my young friends who I believe are emotionally intelligent. I think of Jen, for example. I wonder if her school teachers, headmistress and parents put any more value on her feelings now than they would have before the book became a best-seller.

My conclusion is no, they don’t.

I feel sad to think that it seems the book simply reinforced many myths about success and happiness. Goleman didn’t change much in the world really. I feel sad about this, too. He could have done so much more after his rise to fame.

If anything what Goleman did was reinforce the most common definitions of what it means to be successful in our material world. And mostly what did to the definition of what it means to be smart is he made it include that you now have to be happy about being part of the status quo, and you have to want to keep doing what you have always done, no matter how painful it really is to do it or how much it hurts or exploits other people. We might say that he made "being smart" now include not feeling any form of emotional pain, but just "getting on" with things and always doing what society believes is "appropriate."

And likewise, to be an emotionally smart leader you also have to get others to be happy about these things too.

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(See what I call the common definition of emotional intelligence)


Part 2

But I don't want to end this note on a discouraging note. I was just about to write "I feel discouraged", which I do, but I want to change that feeling to something more productive. I want to change it to a desire to a) influence Goleman and those who follow him and b) continue to write things which I believe are really helpful.

So I will end this by thanking Goleman and just saying, I encourage him to... no, I am not going to even do that. I don't want to focus so much on what Goleman does or doesn't do. It is unlikely he is reading this. Very unlikely. But then again, it's possible. Either way, it is more helpful to focus on what I can do, focus on changing myself than on changing anyone else. I need to work on my own emotional management skills. I started this article a few days ago, actually. Today I have been thinking about emotional knowledge. So I will say that I have a lot of emotional knowledge, but I still lack a lot of emotional skill. Laura is a real challenge for me. A real opportunity to see the deficits in my emotional skills and emotional management.

Today by the way is what many people call Valentines Day. I will try to help rebuild the love that Laura and I had last year when we left her city together and started traveling. She's waiting for me now.