Briar page 2

More chats.....

July 24, 2002

steve says:
hey b
Tearful Angel says:
hi
steve says:
how r u
steve says:
where r u
Tearful Angel says:
i've seen better days.
i'm at home
steve says:
which home
steve says:
grandparents or mom
Tearful Angel says:
grandparents
steve says:
k
steve says:
did u leave that night i talked to u last
Tearful Angel says:
*nods* i just left for a few days. I went to stay with some friends
steve says:
how was that
Tearful Angel says:
it was great. I was so happy to get outta here for a few days. i
could eat as little as i wanted, i didnt have ppl telling me i was
fat, i could hang out with my friends whenever i wanted, it was the
best
steve says:
sounds good
steve says:
y did u come back
Tearful Angel says:
*shrugs* i dunno. I couldnt hurt my grandparents. they would've
been so sad if i hadn't come back. i cant dissappoint them.
Tearful Angel says:
im supposed to be the perfect kid in our family
steve says:
hmm
steve says:
is that kind of a burden
Tearful Angel says:
yeah...
steve says:
have u been feelign suicidal lately?
Tearful Angel says:
only a little bit. i dont think i could actually kill myself,
though. i'm too scared to. I'm slowly dying anyways.
steve says:
how do u mean slowly dying
Tearful Angel says:
i've been really sick for just over a month now. I've suffered from
anorexia since i was 8 and I'm starting to lose the battle. It's
like I can feel that the end is near. I barely have enough energy
to do anything anymore. My skin is a weird shade of grey, my hair
is getting really thin, I never even feel hungry anymore, I can't
eat even if I try to, I've been passing out a lot. I'm in constant pain
Tearful Angel says:
I can tell that the end is near
steve says:
hmm
steve says:
doesnt sound good
steve says:
do u still think u are overweight
Tearful Angel says:
yes
Tearful Angel says:
i weigh 89.5 pounds
steve says:
how tall r u
Tearful Angel says:
5'6'' or 5'7'' i think
steve says:
hmmm
Tearful Angel says:
?
steve says:
sounds pretty tall for that weight to me!
Tearful Angel says:
*shrugs* i still feel fat
steve says:
hey will u do something for me
steve says:
it will take about ten minutes
steve says:
it is like a survey
Tearful Angel says:
ok
steve says:
go to this page...
steve says:
www.eqi.org/needs
steve says:
do u see it?
Tearful Angel says:
yeah
steve says:
k
steve says:
would u go down the list and tell me how much u feel of each one in
general
steve says:
from 0-10
steve says:
like accepted 5 or whatever
Tearful Angel says:
k
steve says:
k
steve says:
thanks
Tearful Angel says:
accepted 0
steve says:
k
steve says:
next
Tearful Angel says:
accomplished 0
Tearful Angel says:
acknowledged 0
admired 0
alive 0
appreciated 0

steve says:
hang on
steve says:
there is another one
steve says:
appreciative
Tearful Angel says:
approved of 0
capable 0
challenged 5
clear (not confused) 5
competent 2
confident 0
developed 0
empowered 0
focused 0
free 0
fulfilled 0

steve says:
how appreciative do u feel in general
Tearful Angel says:
0
steve says:
k
steve says:
keep going
Tearful Angel says:
grown or growing 0
happy 0
heard 3
helped 0
helpful 6
important 0
in control 0
independent 3
interested 0
knowledgeable 0
listened to 2
loved 0
needed 0
noticed 0
optimistic 0
powerful 0
privacy 0
productive 1

Tearful Angel says:
protected 0
proud 0
reassured 0
recognized 0
relaxed 7 (when im on drugs)
respected 0
safe 0
satisfied 0
secure 0
significant 0
successful 0
supported 0
treated fairly 0
understood 0
useful 0
valued 0
worthy 0

steve says:
k
steve says:
thanks.
steve says:
how do u feel when u look at those numbers
Tearful Angel says:
its kinda depressing. im so pathetic
steve says:
do u have time to talk more about them?
Tearful Angel says:
yeah
steve says:
k
steve says:
start again at the top and tell me a few things about why u chose
the number u did
Tearful Angel says:
accepted 0
because people hate me. Everyone (especially my parents) tell me
how much of a freak I am. I know I'll never fit in
steve says:
k keep going
Tearful Angel says:
approved of 0
pretty much the same reason. people don't want me around. my
friends' parents all hate me because im too "slutty" and im a "bad
influence"

Tearful Angel says:
capable 0
I can't do anything right.
challenged 5
clear (not confused) 5
competent 2
confident 0
developed 0

Tearful Angel says:
oops
Tearful Angel says:
challenged 5
life itself is a challenge for me.
clear (not confused) 5
i know whats goin on in my mind
competent 2
again, I cant do anything right
confident 0
(self-explanatory)
developed 0
i feel like a little kid trapped in a teen's body

steve says:
k
steve says:
keep going if u want
Tearful Angel says:
empowered 0
once again i feel like i cant do anything
focused 0
i can never really concentrate on anything. im not sure what i want
in life
free 0
self-explanatory
fulfilled 0
i feel like there should be more to life

steve says:
k
Tearful Angel says:
i hafta stop for now. sorry
steve says:
how come u have to stop
Tearful Angel says:
my gramma wants the computer
steve says:
she uses a computer!
steve says:
lol
Tearful Angel says:
yup
steve says:
how old is she
Tearful Angel says:
73
Tearful Angel says:
i think
steve says:
what does she do with it
Tearful Angel says:
she gambles online
steve says:
lol
steve says:
u are kidding
Tearful Angel says:
no
Tearful Angel says:
im serious
steve says:
get me the name of the site if u can
Tearful Angel says:
i'll try to l8r, k?
Tearful Angel says:
bye
steve says:
k
steve says:
bye
steve says:
thanks again

August 5, 2002

Would u cry if u saw me crying says:
hi
steve says:
hi b
steve says:
i cant talk long but how r u
Would u cry if u saw me crying says:
horrible
steve says:
how come
Would u cry if u saw me crying says:
i just dont wanna live anymore. i'm tired of wasting my time
getting high, but I NEED to get high.
steve says:
yeah
steve says:
what has been going on today in particular
Would u cry if u saw me crying says:
nothing today. I took some E this morning and I just started to
come down about an hour ago
steve says:
k
steve says:
i dont know much about e - is it normal to feel bad after u come
down or whatever
Would u cry if u saw me crying says:
*nods*
Would u cry if u saw me crying says:
i was in worse shape last night, tho. i was looking for the key to
my grandpa's gun cabinet
steve says:
oh shit
steve says:
please dont do that b!
steve says:
why were u in worse shape last night
steve says:
u still there
steve says:
?
Would u cry if u saw me crying says:
i was coming down from a high on some drug someone gave me at a
party. i didnt even know what it was, but i took it anyways. coming
down was horrible. i so wanted to die
steve says:
k
steve says:
i have heard that before i think
steve says:
that it is actually worse after...
steve says:
hey i am sorry but i have to go..
steve says:
please hang in there!!!!
Would u cry if u saw me crying says:
bye
steve says:
sorry
steve says:
hug
steve says:
if u want one!
steve says:
: )
steve says:
do u think u will be okay today and tonight?

she disconnected before she answered

August 11, 2002

steve says:
hi
steve says:
sorry
steve says:
computer froze
Little miss perfect says:
thats ok
Little miss perfect says:
I try to make people think that I'm so strong, but I'm really not.
I'm so scared that I'll never get better, that I'll always be
anorexic. I'm scared that I won't be able to live without drugs,
I'm scared of not living long enough to even graduate from
highschool, I'm scared of failing my classes when school starts
again. I feel like I'm never going to amount to anything. I want to
make a difference, but I'm afraid that I never will. I'm afraid of dying
before I even turn 16. I try to be everyone's shoulder to cry on,
but I've got nobody to turn to when I need to cry.
steve says:
yeah i know that feeling!
steve says:
we all need someone to turn to
Little miss perfect says:
*nods*
steve says:
what is the most scary right now
Little miss perfect says:
prolly that i could die at any moment
steve says:
yeah that would be pretty scary
steve says:
so u want to live?
Little miss perfect says:
kinda
steve says:
yeah i want u to live too!
steve says:
does it help to know others want u to live?
Little miss perfect says:
yes
steve says:
k
steve says:
who do u think wants u to live the most
steve says:
who cares the most in other words
Little miss perfect says:
prolly Laura
steve says:
or lets say name 3 -5 pple
Little miss perfect says:
Laura, Naomi, my 2 youth pastors, and Sarah
steve says:
k
Little miss perfect says:
(sarah is one of my closest friends from school)
steve says:
k
steve says:
what is ur new bf's name
steve says:
scott?
Little miss perfect says:
yup
steve says:
k
steve says:
can we add him to the list?
Little miss perfect says:
no
steve says:
how come
Little miss perfect says:
cuz he would get over me really quickly. he's got a list of girls
to date if things dont work out between me and him
steve says:
lol
steve says:
ok gotcha
steve says:
but he still sounds like an improvement over the last one
steve says:
nick?
Little miss perfect says:
yup
Little miss perfect says:
there's two guys in our backyard
steve says:
right now??
Little miss perfect says:
*nods*
steve says:
r u scared?
steve says:
like do u think they are watching u or after u
Little miss perfect says:
theyre prolly after me
Little miss perfect says:
i gtg, my grandpa just came downstairs and bitched at me for being online
steve says:
uh oh
Little miss perfect says:
goodbye
steve says:
bye!