Feb 27, 2008 Chat with Helen about Megan and her Parents
Helen says:
i'm watching the megan meier videos. how sad!!!!!
Steve says:
yeah it is
Helen says:
i think the mother didn't do right either (megan's) . if she
put herself in her shoes it'd be a different story
Helen says:
"you know better" - *shudder*
Steve says:
yeah
Helen says:
sure she did. not the right thing to say at all though! it's
obvious how much the guy meant to her
Helen says:
i do think the evil psycho who created the fake account should
be in trouble but her mom is guilty too
Steve says:
im wondering if the mom "knew better" than to say
"you know
better" to megan
Helen says:
course not
Helen says:
maybe she was just angry that someone insulted HER daughter
than her daughter had been insulted
Steve says:
u think lori drew, the other mother, should be punished?
Helen says:
yeah
Helen says:
maybe more so cause she's an adult
Steve says:
what about megan's mother? should she be punished?
Helen says:
hmmm
Helen says:
i think she should be taught better. that will be punishment
in itself i think
Steve says:
what would u teach her? at this point, lets say
Steve says:
remember she has another, younger, daughter
Helen says:
put yourself in the other's shoes
Helen says:
even if you can't think about anythng but discipline, put
yourself in her shoes. you'll understand why she did what she
did, why you two are conflicted and the way to make your child
see why you are right. it might even be that you see that
she's right. but in the end putting yourself in her shoes will
help you be right instead of just winning the argument
Steve says:
what do u mean by "right"?
Helen says:
lol @ you have to be 14. if you aren't asking for birth
certificates people can very easily fake their age
Helen says:
by right....i mean that you're going to get at the true truth,
not just imagine you are right...does that make sense?
Helen says:
"I am so aggravated at you for doing this!" - jeez
lady...ppl
are publically calling her names. do you REALLY think she'll
log off then?
Steve says:
how would u feel if ur mother said "you know better" if
u were
upset about something?
Helen says:
ridiculous. stupid
Helen says:
hang on...so josh's messages were from megan's old friend
or megan's friend's parents?
Steve says:
the latter evidently, mostly the mom it seems. maybe with some
help
Helen says:
ohhhhhhhh dear
Steve says:
later they talk about an 18 year old girl who was involvved
Helen says:
ok...
Steve says:
and maybe they even had others in on it at the end
Helen says:
urrrrrrrgh what slime
Steve says:
a bit like a gang rape we might say
Helen says:
yeah! good grief
Steve says:
who do u think is most to blame for her suicide?
Helen says:
i can't say. i'm angry equally at both sets of parents
Helen says:
well not parents, but the meiers and josh's creator
Helen says:
i think in the end i'm angriest at the mother who created the
fake account, but the meier mom very close behind
Steve says:
did u see where the father said she had low self esteem?
Helen says:
the father might have been restricted by the wife.
Steve says:
where do u think a girl gets most of her self esteem from?
Steve says:
or who has the most power to damage it?
Helen says:
friends and family and same for the second question
Steve says:
who has more influence, friends or family?
Helen says:
depends. the younger you are i think your family has more
control
Steve says:
do ur parents influence who u pick for ur friends?
do ur friends influence who u pick for ur parents?
Helen says:
hahaha true
Helen says:
i think...it's such a mess at that age. you're trying to fit
in or stay fitted in. friends have a big say in how confident
you feel
Steve says:
would u say that if u have been abused by ur parents u are
more likely to be attracted to abusive friends?
Helen says:
yep
Helen says:
well...maybe it depends. see i'm more vigilant now in who i
make friends with
Helen says:
but...this is after i've left my parents
Steve says:
yeah
Helen says:
then i would have picked anyone if they were able to talk to
me
Steve says:
yeah
Steve says:
how else would u explain the connection between abusive
parents and friends for a teenage girl
Helen says:
she might choose bad people for friends and that might incense
her parents?
Helen says:
who seriously don't understand the social dynamics at that age
and how important it is to fit in
Helen says:
her abusive parents might also make her just want to run. if
she meets anyone who wants to take her out she's more likely
to say "sure! what time?"
Helen says:
i know i would
Steve says:
why else do u think she might choose bad people?
Helen says:
she could be used to bad people
Helen says:
used to manipulators and people who invalidate her and use her
to make themselves feel better
Helen says:
if you're a good daughter/friend, you'll do this for us
Helen says:
"cmon, be obedient/cool"
Helen says:
does that make sense?
Steve says:
yeah
Helen says:
if she's used to giving up her needs at home she would be
willing to lose her basic rights outside too
Steve says:
yeah i agree
Steve says:
i heard someone say we end up with partners who seem familiar
to us. ie like our families
Steve says:
kind of like "speak the same language"
Steve says:
the language of invalidation, manipulation, guilt trips,
judging others, punishment
Steve says:
labeling others
Helen says:
yep. they say how your opposite sex parent is influences who
you choose
Steve says:
yeah
Steve says:
why dont u think the media picked up on or asked about how
they didnt help her in the last moments?
Steve says:
but instead made her feel worse?
Steve says:
and then didnt go check on her, when they knew she had tried
to kill herself before.
Helen says:
i think they didn't think about it
Helen says:
people are worried more about predators online. you see stuff
on the news about facebook and myspace and internet message
boards or the dangers of meeting someone from online
Steve says:
it is ironic. pple are attacking lori drew, saying she knew
megan was on medication and had problems with depression, but
they dont mention that the parents knew that and more
Helen says:
i'm sure they see this as a "dangers of myspace" thing
Helen says:
yeah it is
Steve says:
maybe we are worried about the wrong people...
Helen says:
they totally are
Steve says:
http://eqi.org/marsh.htm
Helen says:
we have the stereotype in our minds (women) that if we are
raped it'll be by a random junkie pervert in the street late
night when the opposite is true...the media gave us that
ridiculous idea i think
Helen says:
*reads quote*
aaaaaamen
Steve says:
yeah
Used to bad people.
People who judge others. Who have little compassion or empathy. Who have the same values as her parents. Money. Clothes.