January 19, 2016

Hey s,

It's me, Madelyn. My parents just found out I cut. What do they do? Emotionally abuse me, of course. Especially my mom. She just found a major warning sign for suicide, and she only thought of herself the whole time. She called me a coward and said "It was bullshit". She clearly knows nothing about depression, despite having it herself (But she's hopped up on medication, so who could blame her?). And my dad blatantly invalidated me by saying "I don't have it that bad". If that was true, I wouldn't be cutting myself! But actually, my mom invalidated me too. A lot. And they both ordered me to stop cutting. I'm probably just going to cut in a different place. Oh, and my sister's are shunning me because they're superficial and anything outside of peachy perfect they won't deal with. 
Though this all leads me to wonder what would happen if I just killed myself right now. What would they do? I'm dead, so they can't order me around, blame me, etc., so who are they gonna abuse? My sisters? Yeah, probably them. Then it would be total warfare. Without my young, sensitive self, there's no scapegoat, so I bet everyone would be at each other's throats. 
Please respond soon,m

February 12, 2016

I just want to say I really feel grateful that you started writing all that you did. It really helped me "wake up" to the abuse that I was recieving from my "family." Yes, I'm still forced to live with them because of my age, and yes, it still hurts a lot, and yes, I'm still depressed and cutting, but at least I know why. I have a plan to not repeat their unhappiness and dysfunction. I felt understood by your writing, and by you as a person. I wish I could donate to you, but I don't have a PayPal or a job. 
I've been thinking a lot about my childhood lately, and I realized that I felt abnormal because of my sensitivity. I always thought to myself, "Why do I take things so personally? Why do I cry so much more easily than most people? What's wrong with me?"