Americans are the worst listeners?
I found this when I searched "are the worst listeners in". I searched it because I had asked the question whether Catholics could be the worst listeners in the world. This article doesn't give a reference, but if anyone knows of some studies, please let me know. Steve
Backup copy of http://www.essortment.com/howtolisten_rzcg.htm
Effective listening saves time, prevents
problems and strengthens relationships. In a learning
environment, good listening skills are needed since listening is
the prime source of gathering information. Listening is not the
same as hearing. Hearing is a physical process. We hear noises
around us but dont make an effort to understand them unless
the sound signals were in danger. Listening is different.
Listening is a mental process. When we listen we translate the
words coming at us into a format we can understand and use. Many
scientific studies show that approximately 45% of time we spend
in communication with others is spent listening. Even though
listening is critical to our everyday lives, during our formative
and educational years we learn little about listening well. Forty
percent of the time in these learning years is spent learning how
to read. Thirty-five percent is spent learning how to write.
Twenty-five percent is spent learning how to talk and zero to one
percent is spent on learning how to listen or communicate.
Most difficulties between people have a strong element of poor
listening skill in the dynamic. Most of us over time have
developed bad listening habits. For example, Instead of listening
we are busy thinking about what were going to say next.
Often we get distracted from what the person is saying by
focusing on their mannerisms or what is going on around us
distracts us. The next is a big bad habit we frequently
interrupt before the other person is finished speaking. Also,
without realizing it we drift off what the person is actually
saying because we think we know whats going to be said
next. Or we do what is called personality listening.
We evaluate the person who is talking. We may tune him/her out
because we do not like their appearance or conclude what is being
said isnt worth listening to. Or we hear only what we want
to hear.
Listening well is a hard thing to do. It is an interactive
activity, not passive. The main goals of listening are to
understand, to learn, to enjoy and to help and support.
Unfortunately in our fast paced world today, so much
communication/information comes at us that we have developed
survival habits of tuning out much of what is being
said. We are bombarded with thousands of messages each day. We
develop survival habits tuning out TV and radio
commercials and menu options on automated voice mail systems.
Often, when we interact with others we tend not to look at them
or make an effort to maintain eye contact.
In the entire communication process experts tell us 7% is verbal,
55% is nonverbal and 38% is voice and/or tone. Americans are
listed as among the worst listeners in the world. Fortunately,
bad habits can be broken and anyone can learn to listen well. It
does take hard work and practice, but the rewards are great. Dr.
Joyce Brothers thinks, Listening, not imitation, is the
sincerest form of flattery.
Listening is an acquired skill. The first step is to DECIDE to
listen. The first step is to KNOW when you are not listening. Ask
yourself, Can I repeat, rephrase or clarify what is being
said? If you cant, youre not listening. The
following tips can help you become someone with exceptional
listening skills.
Prepare to Listen Give your full attention to the person
who is speaking. Do not do any other activity such as glancing at
the TV, out the window or look around at the environment that youre
in.
Make Eye Contact - Look at the speaker when they are talking. By
looking directly at the person who is speaking you will pick-up
non-verbal clues. Also by looking at the speaker he/she will know
you are really listening and they in turn will work harder to
make sure their message is being heard. Give feedback to the
speaker by nodding your head and maintaining an upright posture.
Smile. All of these elements signal to the person that you are
attentively listening.
Dont Talk Dont Interrupt People want a
chance to get their own ideas and opinions across. A good
listener allows them to do so. Let the speaker finish their
sentences then pause before you speak. The pause gives you an
opportunity to consider what the person said and they in turn
will appreciate your thoughtful approach rather than a reactive
responsive approach. Match your thought process to the speakers
words. We think and hear about 1,000 words per minute. The
average speaking speed is 125 words per minute. Use receptive
language to let the speaker know you are listening attentively.
Use phrases such as, I see..uh huh
oh really
and?
Avoid Judgments and Jumping to Conclusions Nearly all the
reasons for not listening are focused on ego and an inability to
grant equal attention to another person. Avoid being
self-absorbed, and placing your own priorities above the speakers
for the time you are engaged in the communication dynamic. Resist
the temptation to talk over the speaker or cut off their message
to allow yours to dominate. Dont slip into dismissing or
diminishing what is being said. Dont assume you know what
the speaker is going to say next or where the direction or point
of his/her message is.
Listen Between The Lines - Concentrate on what is not being said
as well as the actual content of the message. Clues of meaning
can be gained from a persons tone of voice, facial
expressions and gestures.
Ask Questions Use who, what, where, why, when to clarify
what the person said to better understand their point of view. If
you are not sure of what the speaker is saying, ask a question to
get clarification. Repeat in your own words that you thought the
speaker said then ask, Am I understanding this correctly?
Know Thyself - Know where your hot and cold trigger buttons are
that cause you to tune out. Be aware of them and when
they surface in a communication process recognize it and push
through the shut down.
Listening is an art and a gift. Long ago, Epictetus told his
Greek friends, Nature has given us one tongue, but two
ears, that we may hear from other twice as much as we speak.
Good listeners heed this age-old wisdom.