Abbey's Hostile Mother

Today at the beach park, I overheard this from a mother sitting at a picnic table with her children, all within a few minutes time:

    Get down, that’s stupid!
    Shut-up Abbey!
    Stop-it!
    Don’t worry!
    It doesn't matter!
    Just leave it!
    Wait!

Everything she said was an attack. Her tone of voice was stressed and hostile. The children were not doing anything to deserve this kind of treatment. They were just sitting at the table being children.

Later I saw the Grandmother walk away for a bit. While she was gone Abbey, who was about 8, went into one of the cars to get something. Just then the mother came back from the water. She snarled, in a very accusing tone, “Who told you you could go into the car?” Abby replied confidently, “Grandma did.” The mother shot back, “No she didn’t.” I immediately wondered how she could know this when she wasn’t there. Abbey simply replied, confidently again, “Yes she did.” The mother then said bitterly, “Well she better not have.”

When the mother decided it was time to go she ordered the kids out of the water. She didn’t give them any warning. She just started shouting at them from the picnic table. “Get out of the water! Let’s go. Hurry up! Get a move on it! Good bye. We are  leaving.” Next she threatened them with, “If you don’t hurry up I will tip your drinks out.”

When Abbey picked up the car keys and turned to go unlock the car the mother hit her arm and grabbed the keys from her hands, snapping at her again. I looked over at the mother’s car. It was bright red and sporty looking. I had the sense that the mother valued it more than she valued her children.

Abbey was the oldest of the children. There were three others. None of them seemed to be bothered by the mother’s constant attacks. They all seemed happy in spite of the mother’s negative emotions. I wonder though, what ten more years of being around her would do to them. Would Abbey lose her confidence? Would she become defensive? Defiant? Resentful? Depressed? Suicidal?

I am still not sure what to do when I see something like this. At the very least I will keep writing about it. I considered writing down the plate number of the car and giving it to social services. I doubt they would call this abuse. But maybe they would surprise me and at least make an investigation. One can always hope. And speak out. And inform others.

S. Hein
Cobram, Victoria, Australia
Jan 2003